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  1. #1
    petesgirl is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Feb 2011
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    Default Child Therapist question

    8 yr old DS started therapy yesterday for anxiety. I met with the clinic director on Monday and she explained on Monday that the therapist would help us find tools and strategies to combat DS's anxiety at school and at home. She said the therapist would meet with DS and then pull me for the last 10 mins and we would discuss things we could work on at home over the coming week. To be clear here, I don't think DS has terrible anxiety-he doesn't excessively express worry about something, doesn't complain of headaches or stomachaches that accompany worry. He does like to know where I am in the house at all times, but he is also fine leaving for school, playdates, etc so is isn't severe separation anxiety. He has some inattentive issues at school and we will do formal testing next month to determine if he has ADD or if anxiety is causing the inattentiveness.
    Anyway, that's all background--the therapist visit didn't go as I expected from the clinic director's explanation. The therapist said that she would only be meeting with DS each week, unless I had a specific concern, then I could request a few minutes alone with her. She said that I could email her concerns, but that she would read everything I sent her to DS. She told me that she would not ever discuss with me what her and DS talk about in therapy, and that DS could share whatever he wanted but that he is not obligated to share anything with me about therapy. She emphasized several times to DS that a therapist is an adult that you can tell things to that you wouldn't tell a parent or a teacher, and that there may be times when he doesn't want to tell me anything about therapy.

    My question: Is this typical of child therapists?

    I'll admit, this threw up huge red flags for me and I will likely request another therapist, but I want to know if that would change anything or if this is just how therapists are. I understand the need to have the child feel like they can trust their therapist and tell them anything, and I see how in some situations that could be a really useful relationship. But, my concerns are (1) how is this really going to be helpful to DS if I am never told what things he feels anxious over and if I am never told/taught the techniques she is supposedly teaching him to combat the anxiety? I feel like if I know what bothers him and what she suggests to do about it then we can apply it IRL, right? Otherwise, I don't understand how it is helpful. My most important concern is that I immediately thought of sexual predators that groom kids--all of what she said sounded like something an abuser would say! DS and I have discussed how he can tell me anything that an adult does that makes him feel uncomfortable, etc. Honestly, I don't like having another adult tell DS that it's ok to have secrets between him an adult that is not his parent, I mean he is only 8 years old. That just goes against everything we have tried to teach him.

    so, am I overreacting or should I request a new therapist?
    Last edited by petesgirl; 08-22-2019 at 07:05 PM.
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

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