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  1. #21
    gymnbomb is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by petesgirl View Post
    I totally understand why it may be necessary in some circumstances. But, we have a family member who is a child sexual predator and some members of the family refuse to acknowledge that and still think it's ok for him to be around kids. We have worked very hard to teach DS that if adult ever tells them something/does something and asks them to keep it a secret, that's a res flag. Even our pediatrician has discussed this with DS. Yet, here is another adult who repeatedly told DS that he doesn't have to tell his parents anything that happens in their meeting if he doesn't want to? I'm just a little surprised at that.
    I can see why you would have strong feelings about this due to having a family member like this. However, I think there is a big difference between telling a child they need to keep something secret vs. assuring a child the adult will not share the child's confidences with his parents (i.e. the therapist is not telling the child to keep a secret or limiting in any way what the child is allowed/supposed to tell the parents).

    Edit: After reading later posts I see a mention of telling the child they don't have to tell the parent. That could be more confusing. But again, I still see it as the child being in control and making the decision about what to share with which people. So not something I have a problem with. Though maybe just not a good fit if the way they present that option is too strong or not clearly labeled as an option.
    Last edited by gymnbomb; 08-23-2019 at 02:00 PM.
    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

  2. #22
    California is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I would go with your gut. What I'm not clear on is who on your DS's team is working with you as a parent? If it's supposed to be the therapist, then you need a therapist who will use that last ten minutes to coach you.

    Therapy is going to be so much more helpful if you (and your DH) are learning about what generalized anxiety is, and very specific responses to use. Sometimes with anxiety you have to be firm with kids to get them to take steps to overcome their fears. How are you going to do that if the therapist isn't helping you?

    Also, if you immediately got a bad impression of this therapist, one of my concerns would be that in the future, if the therapist wants to coach you and your DH on your own self-calming and parenting (which is normal!), you won't be as open to it. You want someone who's opinion you trust.

    All this is very subjective, and that's okay. She might be a perfect fit for someone else. Your feelings on this matter.

  3. #23
    petesgirl is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Thanks everyone, I will discuss with the therapist at the next meeting that I would like to be more included in the process and if she can't do that we will request a different therapist.
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by petesgirl View Post
    Thanks everyone, I will discuss with the therapist at the next meeting that I would like to be more included in the process and if she can't do that we will request a different therapist.
    I think thatís a very good plan. If the therapist canít clarify the process to something that will work for you or isnít willing to address your concerns it will be difficult to partner with them.

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