What would you think of this wedding invite?

[petesgirl]

My mom called me the other day and she was kind of upset because she received a wedding celebration invite from my cousin. For some background: my cousin and her boyfriend have been living together for the past 7ish years, have a child together, own a house together etc. They decided to get married at the courthouse last winter, and I don't know who they invited but it wasn't anyone in my family. Now they are sending out invites to attend their marriage celebration. My mom is miffed that this was included in the invite: "The couple has requested instead of gifts to start their married life-cash would save a lot of strife!" and then it lists both of their venmos underneath.
Personally, I agree with my mom-super tacky to basically just ask for money! But is this becoming the new thing, to list venmos and ask for cash?
My mom is also annoyed that they say they are 'starting their married life' when they have lived together for nearly a decade and already own a home and everything you would get a newlywed, which in her mind, is the reason you give wedding gifts-to help furnish a first home. I know that's a slightly old-fashioned way of viewing wedding gifts.

[georgiegirl]

I also think it’s tacky to ask for cash. And to include venmo info...wow, that’s ballsy. The wording is also annoying since they have been living together forever and already have a “married” life together. I’m totally onboard with celebrating the marriage, but it sounds like a gift grab to me.

ETA: she should give them cash...like a $2 bill


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[KpbS]

Unbelievable! I would have to laugh if I were your mom though. They have been living their married life for years and years! Want to get married? Great! Invite whomever you want. Having a wedding celebration 9 months later? Very odd! Asking for cash nine months later after living together for years? Incredibly rude.

[hwin708]

I do think the cash thing is VERY common now. Basically for the very reason your mother is complaining - people have been living together for years as adults before getting married. They don't need dishes and towels. What they really need is some money towards their mortgage.

I definitely don't agree with your mother that we gave wedding gifts solely to help a couple start their new home together, though. I don't think there was ever a point where what a newlywed really NEEDED was fine china. We gave gifts for the same reason as any other event - to celebrate, to show love, and because of cultural expectations. Birthdays, weddings, graduations, babies - these are gift times. And the exact nature of those gifts is now changing with our culture.

As for the money request being tacky - well, yeah. But it is also technically tacky for registry info to be on an invite, and we all accepted that being on everything ages ago. And ultimately, I just don't think any of it is a big deal. These are generally decent people, right? Why can't they have their moment of tackiness? It feels almost tacky to complain about others being tacky, ykwim.

All that being said, I have never seen a venmo account. Usually it's just assumed the couple means they would rather receive checks than gifts. I'd laugh, I'd roll my eyes, and I'd send some money to the venmo.

[TwinFoxes]

As for the money request being tacky - well, yeah. But it is also technically tacky for registry info to be on an invite, and we all accepted that being on everything ages ago. .

We did? I didn’t get the memo. I’ve only received one invitation ever with registry information.

No one’s mentioned that bad poetry! That’s what I find most annoying! Anyway, yeah it’s tacky. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting money. And if I am invited to a long-established couple’s wedding I would most likely give them cash, and I think most people would. But basically demanding cash is cringey. That being said, your mom doesn’t have to go. I don’t think it’s worth being even slightly annoyed with. If I liked the couple I wouldn’t let their quirky invitation stop me from celebrating.

[mmsmom]

Super tacky in any circumstance 20 years ago or today.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It does seem like a money grab but I like a wedding celebration so I’d put those feelings aside and go have fun + send them $.


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[jgenie]

I don’t think it’s much different than the ‘please pay for our honeymoon’ links. Not my style but not my party. If I wanted to attend, I would go. I would be irked to be told what to gift so would likely give less than usual but that’s just me being ornery,

[belovedgandp]

Oh, I'd be doing lots of snarky texts with my mother over this. I love giving gifts and I don't care if this is a party after living together and having a ceremony who knows when. But don't term it like a marriage then. Term it as a party and leave any mention of gifts off the invite.

I do still roll my eyes at registry info, cash grabs for honeymoons, and well any text demanding gifts from guests.

[basil]

When my brother got married he was married in the US but was living in Europe...so obviously wasn’t registered for fine china! He made a small registry, I think maybe <10 items and everyone got the message and he got mostly cash. People aren’t dumb.

So yeah, I think it’s super tacky to spell it out. I would personally be tempted to buy a nice $$ serving dish just to be spiteful.