What would you think of this wedding invite?

[NCGrandma]

Ha! This thread reminds me of the wedding invite that not only asked for cash, but said if they didn't get cash, then they weren't going on a honeymoon. This is an old family friend (a guy I literally grew up with as his parents and my parents were close friends). I was hoping it was his wife's influence, but he was known for being frugal, too. It was so obnoxious and rude and this was more than 15 years ago!

I think this story wins!


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[niccig]

I got married in Northeast 14 years ago, and hated having anything on the invites regarding gifts. It's a big no no to me. Cash is just a given around here, for wedding receptions. Not gifts off registry which is usually given at bridal showers, but i also think it's part of the new norm with couples getting married much later and usually established on their own with property and stuff for the home.

This is why cash is still king because it covers a lot of ground when china set and such isn't really practical. I prefer to give something that I know the couple wants. Like a recent family wedding; DH's cousin son got married but they already had a condo with all the stuff, so they just had a small registry to replace/update their tastes and asked for money towards airfare for their honeymoon. That wasn't dictated on the invite though, but in their wedding website which is the way to go if you're asking for specifics.

But as for your mom, she isn't obligated to give anything.

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[hellokitty]

This has been pretty normal for the millennial crowd, and I am not one who typically gets on Millenials, but for this, it's been too noticeable of a pattern to just write off. All the weddings we've been to, have either flat out asked for cash/honeymoon money or else they had a registry, with like 2 things on it and then an option to send GC... which is basically like cash and bc there are only 2 things on it, then they are kind of highly suggestive of the GC option. On one side, I understand if they've lived together for some time, on the other side it does come off as basically forcing people into the gift that you want (like the registry with basically nothing on it, but GC option). I understand that they know what they want and are trying to be practical, but there has never been any guarantee of gifts as it relates to wedding, it is rude to expect anything. I mean, we had a few guests who never sent anything and my mom even tried to check in on this in a polite manner to make sure it didn't go missing or something. We got a few broken gifts that were obviously broken and/or re-gifts. I had one guest who was irrate that I didn't register for crystal, so took it upon herself to gift me the fugliest looking, pink, not-even-classy looking, crystal that I've ever seen. I have gotten a total of ONE thank you card from any millenial wedding or graduation related gift, which just adds another layer of aggravation. My cousin is getting married soon and we are not even going to his wedding, we're not close, he did the annoying registry with 2 things, then cash/GC option thing. I just sent cash and a card, I know he doesn't even care if I go or not.

[MMMommy]

This is off topic. But it brings back a memory of when DH and I got married. Some group of 10 random relatives on DH's side sent one gift from them as a group. It arrived as broken glass in a FED EX thin, cardboard envelope. I don't even know what it was supposed to be originally. Literally, shards of broken glass IN the FED EX envelope. With the "from" being from ten people. I know it's the thought that counts, but....

[dogmom]

Would Miss Manners approve? Nope. But as I repeatedly say manners are supposed to make social interactions easier and kinder. They are not to be used as blunt instruments to feel superior. Would I do an eye roll and think, tacky? Probably. Would I then bring it up with relatives or other friends of the couple, nope. Yes, you are not supposed to put anything about gifts on the invite. The idea is to spread the word around separately. Now with wedding websites it’s really easy to do that. I would probably give the benefit of the doubt to the couple if this is not like them. Weddings can be so complicated, even if you have been together forever. Maybe it’s something people in their social circle do for their weddings. Maybe their relatives pressed them on it. I don’t thing if they have been together, how long, if kids are present should matter at all. Because it’s making a value judgement on what marriages matter more. Or at least get more $$$.

[bisous]

Would Miss Manners approve? Nope. But as I repeatedly say manners are supposed to make social interactions easier and kinder. They are not to be used as blunt instruments to feel superior. Would I do an eye roll and think, tacky? Probably. Would I then bring it up with relatives or other friends of the couple, nope. Yes, you are not supposed to put anything about gifts on the invite. The idea is to spread the word around separately. Now with wedding websites it’s really easy to do that. I would probably give the benefit of the doubt to the couple if this is not like them. Weddings can be so complicated, even if you have been together forever. Maybe it’s something people in their social circle do for their weddings. Maybe their relatives pressed them on it. I don’t thing if they have been together, how long, if kids are present should matter at all. Because it’s making a value judgement on what marriages matter more. Or at least get more $$$.

Oh I don't see it as a judgment to say that a family that is well established requires a smaller gift! I guess my point of view is this. Most in my circle get married young and have nothing. They don't have pots and pans or dishes or bedding for a large bed or anything. And my circle still does actual gifts, in part because--they don't have anything!! So to me a marriage gift is about essentials. If I could afford to give $200 to each couple I think I'd love to do that. But if I'm invited to five weddings in a summer and 4 of them are brand new starting out with not very much and the 5th has been living together for the past 7 years, their gift will be smaller. Not that I'm judging them--just that I don't think they need it as much. I guess it is a bit like having showers for subsequent children. I support showers for all babies but when I had my 3rd boy I didn't need very much at all versus when I had my 1st and needed pretty much everything!

[dogmom]

Oh I don't see it as a judgment to say that a family that is well established requires a smaller gift! I guess my point of view is this. Most in my circle get married young and have nothing. They don't have pots and pans or dishes or bedding for a large bed or anything. And my circle still does actual gifts, in part because--they don't have anything!! So to me a marriage gift is about essentials. If I could afford to give $200 to each couple I think I'd love to do that. But if I'm invited to five weddings in a summer and 4 of them are brand new starting out with not very much and the 5th has been living together for the past 7 years, their gift will be smaller. Not that I'm judging them--just that I don't think they need it as much. I guess it is a bit like having showers for subsequent children. I support showers for all babies but when I had my 3rd boy I didn't need very much at all versus when I had my 1st and needed pretty much everything!

This got me thinking, because I think sometimes I spend more when I know it would be really helpful. I also spend more when I am really close to someone and think I know them well enough to get a special present. So I was curious what etiquette says about this. No judgment, just figured I put it out there.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...377_story.html from the etiquette gurus.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features...ng-gift-guide/ From the nerd gurus.

[hellokitty]

This got me thinking, because I think sometimes I spend more when I know it would be really helpful. I also spend more when I am really close to someone and think I know them well enough to get a special present. So I was curious what etiquette says about this. No judgment, just figured I put it out there.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...377_story.html from the etiquette gurus.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features...ng-gift-guide/ From the nerd gurus.

Geez, we are VERY generous gift-givers according to this, as in we give even more than this for graduation gifts and much, much more for wedding gifts.