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  1. #11
    khm is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    TaCkY.

    I have never received a formal invitation with registry info or directions to give $ for a honeymoon. I would find that odd today still! I've gotten maybe 2 baby shower invites with registry info, but even that is still very rare to me.

    With social media accounts and wedding websites, there is no reason to tacky up the beautiful formal invitation mailing with stuff about Target, Macy's or a venmo/travel fund. That info can be displayed elsewhere and found easily in many public social sites. I just cannot imagine myself saying "venmo me" when inviting you to celebrate a marriage.

    Still, also with social media and blogs, you see other people doing this stuff easy breezy..... so maybe you start to think it is the new normal.

    I'd take a deep breath, mutter "kids these days" and move on. I do get why it'd be "shocking" to someone even a generation older than I. My mom is fairly hip to the tech, but I am doubt she would even know what venmo is!

  2. #12
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Hahahaha, this totally makes me laugh! How ridiculous!!! If your mom wants to, she can contribute cash (and I agree - gift grab! Miss Manners would roll her eyes!) but I can't say that I wouldn't be tempted to send a nice wooden salad bowl and salad tongs...

  3. #13
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    Itís tacky. However, not worth worrying about. Iíd give them some cash and congratulations. No matter the circumstances, itís a celebration of a marriage.
    Mama to my boys (04,07,11)

  4. #14
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    If I received that invite, my first thought would certainly be that it was tacky. Not my style for sure. I'd probably send money and celebrate none the less.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

  5. #15
    Kindra178 is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Slightly annoying but totally understandable. Also, I would be giving money to a cousin anyway (most Italians do). I think your mom is more annoyed that they are living together than anything else. I would give money and go enjoy the party.

  6. #16
    petesgirl is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kindra178 View Post
    Slightly annoying but totally understandable. Also, I would be giving money to a cousin anyway (most Italians do). I think your mom is more annoyed that they are living together than anything else. I would give money and go enjoy the party.

    Actually, I think it comes down to the money for my mom. My parents are not wealthy. They are stable, but live on a tight budget. Still, my mom enjoys giving nice gifts and watches sales very closely for nice bath towels and serving dishes. So she may be able to give a $100 gift that she only paid $50 for because she watched sales and stacked codes etc. But I think she feels like when you give cash you need to give a significant amount for it to look nice, and that's just hard to do on a budget.
    But, she told me she vented about and now she is going to go to the celebration and be happy for them.

    My DH just reminded me of the time a few years ago when my other cousin made a gofundme for IVF. He emailed the link out and my mom decided at the time that she couldn't contribute due to finances. A few days later the same cousin called my mom and asked if she would please donate to his gofundme. So she felt backed into a corner and did it. Maybe it's just my family....

    I do think it's rude to try and dictate what gifts people give you, unless the guest asks for that info.
    Last edited by petesgirl; 09-16-2019 at 11:55 AM.
    Mama to :
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    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
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  7. #17
    div_0305 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Agree with everyone about how tacky it is. When I got married, we didn't put any registry info or "cash gifts only" message because I thought both would be tacky. Some people asked for our registry info., some gave cash, and some of our guests brought gifts that went straight to donation--those were the worst because it was so thoughtless and unkind to unload their gift closet junk on us as a young married couple. If I could be tacky back to them, I would tell them I wish they had just brought nothing at all. One of my closest colleagues gifted me one wine glass from my registry! Considering she made 3 times my salary, it also took me by surprise. So all that to say that I wonder if that's why some couples clearly say no boxed gifts right on the invite. I do like the wedding website links that are on invites these days--there I see registry links, honeymoon experiences and whatnot posted, along with stories and pictures about the couple and their wedding party--at least it's not on the invite and seems more appropriate for modern times.

  8. #18
    khm is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by div_0305 View Post
    Agree with everyone about how tacky it is. When I got married, we didn't put any registry info or "cash gifts only" message because I thought both would be tacky. Some people asked for our registry info., some gave cash, and some of our guests brought gifts that went straight to donation--those were the worst because it was so thoughtless and unkind to unload their gift closet junk on us as a young married couple. If I could be tacky back to them, I would tell them I wish they had just brought nothing at all. One of my closest colleagues gifted me one wine glass from my registry! Considering she made 3 times my salary, it also took me by surprise. So all that to say that I wonder if that's why some couples clearly say no boxed gifts right on the invite. I do like the wedding website links that are on invites these days--there I see registry links, honeymoon experiences and whatnot posted, along with stories and pictures about the couple and their wedding party--at least it's not on the invite and seems more appropriate for modern times.
    Did she wrap it up herself, or did you receive it wrapped directly from the vendor? I wonder if it was supposed to be a set of X glasses. (Either her mistake when ordering or the vendor's mistake in sending). If not, buying one wine glass is..... weird.

    I am going round and round with Amazon right now because I ordered two sets of something. I got one that was the right set of 6 items, and one single item. I chatted with customer service and two days later, another single item. So I called. Finally got the other set of 6 I ordered. Now, I'm getting emails to "complete my exchange" by sending one set of 6 back! I'd understand if they wanted the singles back, but it clearly said it wants back a set of 6.

    Seems the wires are crossed between the single and the set item #s....

  9. #19
    div_0305 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by khm View Post
    Did she wrap it up herself, or did you receive it wrapped directly from the vendor? I wonder if it was supposed to be a set of X glasses. (Either her mistake when ordering or the vendor's mistake in sending). If not, buying one wine glass is..... weird.

    I am going round and round with Amazon right now because I ordered two sets of something. I got one that was the right set of 6 items, and one single item. I chatted with customer service and two days later, another single item. So I called. Finally got the other set of 6 I ordered. Now, I'm getting emails to "complete my exchange" by sending one set of 6 back! I'd understand if they wanted the singles back, but it clearly said it wants back a set of 6.

    Seems the wires are crossed between the single and the set item #s....
    Not sure who wrapped it, but it had the gift receipt showing 1 glass . She did something similar for my son's 1st birthday--2 used books--not age appropriate and with markings on them.

  10. #20
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    Being invited to a wedding does not mean that the attendee has to bring a gift. There should never be an expectation of receiving anything, hence the why etiquette says registries are a no-no. You are inviting people to celebrate with you. Of course, these days people expect gifts. It has become the norm. I am shocked at the Venmo link. That takes "I want a gift" to a level beyond a registry! I don't believe I've ever received a wedding invite with registry info. I have received shower invites with registry info and while I would not put it on there, I understand why people do.

    If I were your mom, I would attend but I would either not bring anything or bring a small token gift.

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