I wish I were a SAHM

[smiles33]

I hear you, basil. I wish there were some sort of system to enable employees to work part-time (obviously for lower pay) and not be completely pushed out of the workplace or penalized for it in other ways.

I have heard that those trying to work part-time in my field are still working during their "off time" (meaning you are still on-call and checking emails and calling in for phone meetings even when you're not scheduled to work). I would happily take a pay cut to work only 25 hours/week. Then I could structure my schedule to avoid the worst of rush hour (saving me 3 hours/day!), be available to drive my tween/teen to activities (AND also participate in those random conversations that come up with the kids when they're in the back seat of the car), exercise more, and do more around the house. I'm already out-sourcing as much as I can (e.g., house cleaning, meal prep, buying supplies on Amazon to be delivered to us, hiring a "car service" to chauffeur my kids to activities). I'm seriously considering going part-time when DD1 goes to high school. Yet what happens when both kids are out of the house? It's not easy to return to a job in my field and I do really love my job. I know some fields offer sabbaticals after you've worked a certain number of years. I've been at my job over 15 years now. I'd love a paid 3 month sabbatical. Heck--I'd love even an unpaid 3 month sabbatical but I just don't know how that works. Who takes up the slack?

Anyhow, basil: in the meantime, I hope your Thursday trip is a vacation (and not work-related) so you can get a slight break.

[KpbS]

I'll enable you--just quit! Walk away from it all. Downsize the house if needed, obviously take a pay cut, etc. If your student loans are paid off, why not?

Sending hugs regardless.

[essnce629]

I'm a SAHM and I too wish for days that are not stressful, the house is organized and dinner is simmering away on the stove smelling delicious. The truth is, my house is a wreck 99% of the time and we eat hot dogs and quesadillas way more than I should admit. Parenting is hard any way you slice it.

I agree with this! I've been a full time SAHM since DS2 was born 10 years ago. I do feel like I'm sometimes living in a time warp of the 50s or something since I feel like DH just has to focus on work while my job is everything else-- anything child, school, medical, house, food related. I feel like there's a constant backlog of things that need to be fixed in the house but it's all on me to do the research, find and hire qualified technicians or whatever, etc. I do feel when both parents work, things around the house and kids are a little more equal although I know it's moms in general, working or not, who do most of the emotional labor of raising kids and having a home. And after 10 years of constant meal planning and cooking from scratch (because DS1 can't have gluten, soy, or nuts), I'm so over it. Except for the rare occasion, I refuse to start dinner preparations at 1pm, so like most parents, I'm scrambling to throw dinner together each night after we walk in the door at 4pm and are trying to get back out the door for activities. In fact, the last 2 weeks I've just ordered premade meals from Freshly meal delivery service since I had a $40 off coupon and I haven't had time to cook. But my kids are so used to homemade good meals, that they have pretty much complained nonstop about the meals. Plus DS1 is so huge that they just don't fill him up and of course there's no leftovers. I also spend A LOT of my time in the car doing drop offs and pick ups and stuck in traffic to get to kids activities. Some days I drive to and from my kids' schools 3 times since I volunteer at their schools at least twice a week in the middle of the day. So many days I'm in the car for up to 3.5 hours. Since I don't work my kids are able to do some extracurriculars that aren't as popular and are therefore further away. Like DS1 who does rock climbing 2-3 times a week and it's a 90 minute round trip drive just to drop him off (DH picks him up after work). If I worked, there's no way I could do that and he'd be stuck with activities that were close to the house or on weekends only. I do like that I can get all my errands, laundry, doctor's appointments, etc done during the week so my weekends are free from the mundane stuff. We do have a housekeeper who comes once a week, my kids have a ton of chores, and I did the Marie Kondo method on my house over the past several months so my house is extremely organized and clean 90% of the time.

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[Kestrel]

I really wish there was a way that we could all pair up, and each work 25 hrs/week in some kind of job share... things would be better for everyone... if only I could figure out how!

I actually had a dream recently that our family had a robot maid, like in the Jetson's.... wouldn't that be nice!

[essnce629]

I really wish there was a way that we could all pair up, and each work 25 hrs/week in some kind of job share... things would be better for everyone... if only I could figure out how!

I actually had a dream recently that our family had a robot maid, like in the Jetson's.... wouldn't that be nice!

Maybe live in a commune with shared childcare and job share positions? My best friends and I always joke about how nice it would be to live like that. We spend the weekend in Palm Desert once a year (8 adults and 10 kids) and we all help each other out the whole weekend-- looking after each others kids, sharing food, etc. It's so nice!

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[specialp]

I hear you, basil. I wish there were some sort of system to enable employees to work part-time (obviously for lower pay) and not be completely pushed out of the workplace or penalized for it in other ways.

Me, too. For women, men, parents, non-parents, etc. Almost everyone has a season in their lives when they really need to work less.

I'm sorry, OP. I hope it gets better.

[basil]

Thanks, guys.

I know it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, and I know it’s totally different than a life of leisure.

Today is better. I’m leaving early to take DD to dance so even though it will be a crazy rush, she will be happy to have me there.

These ages so far have been the best yet. So fun to see them become their own people. I miss them much more now than I did when they were babies!

[niccig]

As crazy as it can get, I’d never go back to not working. I didn’t work when ds was young then I went back to school for 4 years. I’ve worked full-time for 5 years. The stress of one- income family is way more for me than stress of juggling work and home. Because of DH’s work hours, I do more at home during the week. I do what I can, but don’t kill myself to have clean house or the best meals. I cook every night, but it’s quick meals. Something has to give, so decide where that can be for you.

Hope you get some rest soon. Or get to escape to that tropical island


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[jent]

I hear you Basil. IIRC I'm in the same profession as you and I have dreamed for a long time of being able to walk away from it and be a SAHM. It's not necessarily having a perfectly cleaned house and dinner ready at 5:30 every day, but the idea of being able to fully commit to making a home and caring for family. It has never been an option for me as I'm the primary breadwinner at home.

What has made it easier has been identifying what I do and don't like about the work I do, and making sure I am at least reasonably happy in my work life. I've made two career changes in the past 15 years (one a big switch, one just an employer/location change) and both moves have made me more energized and happy to show up at work every day. Would I love to win the lottery and retire at 45? Sure. But since that's not going to happen, I try to make the best what I have.

[Melaine]

Most of the SAHMs I know are pulled in a million directions and have to jump through lots of hoops to save/earn the money they let go of when giving up their career.....I am sure there are some who actually do what you are describing. Of course 90% of the ones I know are also homeschooling which is a totally different scenario. I think I know one mom who is sort of doing this but now she has a lot of responsibilities dealing with her aging parents and inlaws and a huge house to maintain. And she is now discussing homeschooling because she feels like the public school system is failing her oldest child. After pinching pennies for 13 years, juggling constant part time jobs, homeschooling and not having the money for ANY vacations or major home improvements, I literally dream of walking away from all of it back to a 9 to 5. The grass really is always greener (But please understand I totally support and get what you are saying.)