Elementary sports inequality wwyd ?

[Octobermommy]

Ugh! The y has a youth sports program where the goals are pretty clear & winning at all costs isn’t one of them. My kid loves sports so much but is being played 30% of the time if that. 4 kids play 100 percent of the time ( they have never been taken out once in 4 games) and 6 kids rotate in & out. I’m so frustrated & guess what doesn’t translate well in kid’s sports? Moms that complain! I’m deciding what to do. Wwyd?

My kid isn’t a bad player, is the first one on the field practicing, last one finished bc he loves it so. He is overweight so I do believe there is some discrimination there.

[smiles33]

This is in the BP, but I see that you still asked WWYD, so I'm going to respond with my opinion as someone who played competitive basketball for nearly 12 years (not Division I in college or law school, just intramural teams!) but was NOT a natural athlete. Bluntly: I don't think it's realistic to expect equal playing time for every player unless it's a PE class and the goal is that every player gets some exercise.

I understand your Y has explicitly said the goal is not winning at all costs. Yet my guess is that whoever is coaching is likely a former athlete himself/herself and naturally favors the good players. If it were my child, I would tell her that some people are naturally talented but a GOOD player needs to invest many hours of practice to hone her skills. If she put in extra hours on her own time, she would improve greatly and possibly even out-play natural players who rely on talent alone. I'd also point out my own story: I was never a natural player but I practiced a ton and focused on building skills and being a team player. I came off the bench ready to play and eventually became a starter. My coach even picked me as co-MVP my senior year of high school, even though I wasn't one of the top 3 players. He said he picked me because I had a great attitude, could play every position, and was a good team player. That's the lesson I want my girls to learn--persistence and hard work can pay off and having the right attitude can make all the difference.

Practically speaking, given how much your DC loves basketball, I would help him/her practice on his/her own time and work on getting better. Being overweight shouldn't stop your child from being a great basketball player, unless it's an endurance issue and s/he cannot run up and down the court with the team. I've seen fantastic ballers who were overweight/chunky (obviously not WNBA) but they have great skills and endurance.

Anyhow, I hope this is a helpful perspective. I know it hurts to see your child sad or disappointed, but I don't think talking to the coach to ask for more playing time for your child is is the right move.

[Octobermommy]

Thanks for the reply. This isn’t basketball but I don’t think the sport necessarily matters. I’ve looked up y policies & they’ve varied between everyone plays equal to everyone plays at least half & that’s not happening here. I truly believe it’s just based on being overweight bc he is naturally athletic but he isn’t the fastest.

I totally understand junior high & up playing who they want & who they think gives the best chances to win but I think we are losing the point of y sports & I think it’s bad for the kids. No one needs to play 100 percent of the time.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I’d look for a different team. The coach is probably a volunteer with minimal training and guidance. It’s always a crap shoot who you get. We’ve been lucky 95% of the time so I’d just keep looking. There’s bound to be another team. Could be that there’s even one at the Y so switching would be easy. Not every kid/ coach/ team are good fits v


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[carolinacool]

it’s probably too late to switch teams now, but I agree that you may want to look for another program next season.

[SnuggleBuggles]

it’s probably too late to switch teams now, but I agree that you may want to look for another program next season.

I wouldn’t rule it out. I’m thinking of our soccer team- I know kids switch anytime. Not often but they do allow switches. Sometimes schedules don’t allow for the team practices to fit anymore, for example, so they go to one that practices when they can get there.


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[Gracemom]

My son is overweight and has had to prove he can keep up. We've switched teams a few times over the years. The best teams are found by word of mouth. Ask around to see if anyone knows of a good team/coach. At rec level they are supposed to have equal playing time. That's the only way they learn. Our best coaches were ones that did not have a kid on the team, so no favoritism.

[hbridge]

I am NOT a sports mom so take this for what it's worth... I would simply talk to the coach or the "in-charge" person at the Y and ask what your child can do to earn more playing time. Don't accuse, don't complain, just state that your child would like to play more during the games, what does HE need to do to make this happen. Maybe he needs to speed train, maybe he needs to work on his ball handling, whatever it is. You may get an answer, you may not; but this does not blame anyone, just puts it out there...

My DC was upset with a swim level at one point and, since I did not know why she was placed as she was, she asked the director what she needed to do to advance to the next level. She then proceeded to "test" into the next level on the spot. It's not the same, but there may be a crazy reason that you just aren't aware of.

Good luck. It is so hard. Most programs are run by volunteer coaches who don't always work with the guidelines...

[TwinFoxes]

Does your kid want more playing time? If so, I wouldn't have a problem with talking to the coach. You don't have to do it in a complaining way. Just say "hey coach, DS is really hoping to get more playing time. What can he do so he gets more time in the games?" It doesn't have to be "why do those kids play all the time and DS doesn't!" Also, make sure he's hustling in practice. (Not saying he's not.)

I do agree it's not realistic to expect all kids to get the same amount of playing time. There's a difference between not winning at any cost and everyone gets to play an equal amount regardless of ability and desire. My kid's on a very small team right now, and I'm sure she wished she had *less* playing time!

[carolinacool]

I do agree it's not realistic to expect all kids to get the same amount of playing time. There's a difference between not winning at any cost and everyone gets to play an equal amount regardless of ability and desire. My kid's on a very small team right now, and I'm sure she wished she had *less* playing time!

This is a good point. My DH coaches soccer and basketball at the Y. The first time I responded, I kept writing and deleting posts because I know this is the BP. This summer, he coached a 9-10 basketball team with 12 players. First, that's a LOT of players to even try to get to play equally. He would be subbing every two minutes, which is unrealistic. Also, the difference in abilities varied so much. There were a couple of kids who play AAU (including DS) down to one kid who didn't know that you have to dribble the ball -- you can't just run with it.

One mom did complain to DH that the other kids wouldn't throw her son the ball in the game. But every time her son got the ball, he turned it over. Traveling, double dribbling, etc. That stuff happens to everyone once in a while. But with him it was every time. DS and another guard refused to pass to him after a certain point. And yes, DH played some kids longer than other kids. No, you don't want to be win at all costs, but you do want to be somewhat competitive.

That said, DH also says it's much easier to mix different ability levels in soccer than in basketball. I think he was relieved when the season was over. lol