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  1. #1
    LBW is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default heartbroken (death mentioned)

    My husband of 18 years passed away unexpectedly while on a bike ride at the end of September. He was 47. My kids and I are trying to come to terms with it. I still think I'm going to wake up and the last 11 days will have been a bad nightmare.

    We're past the period of funerals and family visits. I'm now in paperwork hell. Dealing with the aftermath of death seems designed to be cruel.

    Please...this weekend...go over all of your financials with your spouse/partner. Make sure you know passwords for all critical accounts. Make sure you have plenty of life insurance and an up-to-date will.

    Here's my question. I now have to be the healthiest mom for my boys. I made an appt for a physical next week. What do I ask the doc to test? I haven't had a physical in years b/c I've been focused on my kids (one has special needs and has required a lot of my time). I'm generally healthy. I have asthma and struggle with my weight. (I'm probably ~15-20 lbs overweight right now.) My dad has a history of emphysema and aortic aneurysms (but he smokes a lot). Thank you.
    Tara
    living a crazy life with 3 boys

    I am thinking now
    of grief, and of getting past it;
    I feel my boots
    trying to leave the ground,
    I feel my heart
    pumping hard. I want
    to think again of dangerous and noble things.
    I want to be light and frolicsome.
    I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
    as though I had wings.

    ~Mary Oliver

  2. #2
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default

    I am so incredibly sorry for your family’s loss. All of my good thoughts go out to you.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  3. #3
    scrooks is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default

    I’m so so sorry for your unbelievable loss. Sending lots of good thoughts for you and your children.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    Default

    Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you huge hugs and wishing you peace.
    Thank you for the reminder to get our financial house in order.
    I would get a fasting blood test (cholesterol and whatever else they think is important). Try to make it a priority to get some time for yourself, maybe a small walk a few days a week or so, if at all possible, for your health and mental well-being. Do you think it would be beneficial for you and/or your kids to go to counseling? Grief support groups can be really helpful... your local hospital, school counselor, and place of worship might have contacts and resources for that.

    Sending you strength and love, and keeping you in prayer...
    Last edited by ourbabygirl; 10-09-2019 at 06:26 PM.

  5. #5
    Kindra178 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and sending all the strength I have.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  6. #6
    Corie's Avatar
    Corie is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LBW View Post
    Dealing with the aftermath of death seems designed to be cruel.
    I am so sorry for your loss. I absolutely understand what you are going through and it sucks.

    Yes. This is so true. I had a to-do list of several pages long after my husband died. Getting one item crossed off my list
    seemed to add 5 new things to the list. I was very overwhelmed for a long time.

    I also never knew any passwords or financial information. My husband always wanted to show me but I always put it off. He
    was the financial guy. He worked at a financial/brokerage company for over 20 years.
    Corie

    "A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."
    -fortune cookie

  7. #7
    Mommy_Mea is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I am so sorry for your loss
    DS1 June 2009
    DS2 June 2011

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    Default

    Tara, I am so sorry for your loss and all you are dealing with now. Thank you for reminding us all how important it is to know about accounts, financials, wills etc.
    It's great that you are looking to take care of your physical health. Your doctor will know what to do for a comprehensive exam. I would expect bloodwork, ekg, flu shot, etc. I hope you have some supportive friends/family/community for you and your boys. I've worked a bit in grief counseling and can say that, when/if you are open to it, support groups - whether online or in-person - can be so helpful. Please let us know how we can support you virtually.
    DD1 - 1996
    DD2 - 1999
    DD3 - 2005

    Surfaces are for working, not for storing. - Peter Walsh

  9. #9
    kdeunc is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that your doctor will have a good idea of what you need. I would definitely recommend taking time for some form of physical activity, which can help with your mental health. My MIL found support groups to be very helpful. You may be able to find one targeted to young widows in your area. I also remember at least a couple of moms on here (Corie being one) that have traveled this same road. They may offer some advice. Wishing you and your kids peace during this terrible time.
    Kelly

    DS 1 12-02
    DS 2 12-04
    DD 07-08

  10. #10
    Join Date
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    I’m so sorry for your loss. How incredibly heartbreaking (and that you aren’t the first person on BBB who lost a spouse unexpectedly).

    Do all the standard bloodwork, get a mammogram. Try to take care of yourself.
    DD (3/06)
    DS1 (7/09)
    DS2 (8/13)

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