How tell sister she can’t stay

[niccig]

Just getting ready for a response. I posted a while back about a huge falling out with my narcissistic mother. I’m no contact with her. My younger sister believes I’m in the wrong and must apologize to mom. I’ve told her my relationship with mum is my issue and not hers, and it doesn’t have to affect our relationship, but it has negatively affected our sibling relationship- She can’t keep them separate. The holidays are soon and I want a response if she asks to come stay. Actually, a response for asking to visit anytime. She brings far too much drama and it really stresses out DS. DH has difficult time with her too.

So what’s a short and sweet response to turn down request to stay with us??

Thanks


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[jgenie]

Sorry, that won’t work for us. Sorry, that won’t work for us. Sorry, that won’t work for us. Rinse and repeat.

[mom2binsd]

Our family won't be able to accommodate you staying with us at this time.

That's it, she knows why, and you don't owe her anymore than that.

I'm sorry she ruined the trip, especially stressing out your son!

[niccig]

Sorry, that won’t work for us. Sorry, that won’t work for us. Sorry, that won’t work for us. Rinse and repeat.

Thanks! I need to practice it


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[niccig]

Our family won't be able to accommodate you staying with us at this time.

That's it, she knows why, and you don't owe her anymore than that.

I'm sorry she ruined the trip, especially stressing out your son!

My issue is that I do try to add more to explain. You’re right, I don’t need to add anymore.

I’m no longer playing the family charade that mum’s behavior is normal. And that is very upsetting to other family members who want to keep pretending.


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[Kestrel]

If you feel you must add something, I would have ready the info for a nearby hotel or two.

[niccig]

If you feel you must add something, I would have ready the info for a nearby hotel or two.

That’s a good idea!


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[Liziz]

If you feel you must add something, I would have ready the info for a nearby hotel or two.

Wait, you're okay with her coming for Christmas, just not staying with you? Or you'd rather just have a peaceful holiday without her visiting at all? Don't offer hotels or anything other than a "no" unless you're really sure you're okay with her at your house. What happens when she shows up, ostensibly to stay in a hotel, then "they lost the reservation" or "oh, I realized you have room so I just cancelled my reservation, I hope that's okay". Does the drama of her being around really lessen if she's in your house all the time except for sleeping hours? Obviously this is your family and your sister and you know what's best -- but I've been around these boards long enough to have seen multiple posts regarding your sister and it always seems like if she's given an inch she'll take a mile. I was going to suggest a response of "we're doing Christmas without visitors this year!".

[niccig]

Wait, you're okay with her coming for Christmas, just not staying with you? Or you'd rather just have a peaceful holiday without her visiting at all? Don't offer hotels or anything other than a "no" unless you're really sure you're okay with her at your house. What happens when she shows up, ostensibly to stay in a hotel, then "they lost the reservation" or "oh, I realized you have room so I just cancelled my reservation, I hope that's okay". Does the drama of her being around really lessen if she's in your house all the time except for sleeping hours? Obviously this is your family and your sister and you know what's best -- but I've been around these boards long enough to have seen multiple posts regarding your sister and it always seems like if she's given an inch she'll take a mile. I was going to suggest a response of "we're doing Christmas without visitors this year!".

You’re right, we don’t want her to come at all this year. My family needs a break from the drama of my extended family!


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[Liziz]

You’re right, we don’t want her to come at all this year. My family needs a break from the drama of my extended family!


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Ok, then don't get any hotel suggestions ready! Make sure your response to her is very clear that she's not welcome period - not as a houseguest and not even as a staying-somewhere-else-at-night visitor! My family decided last year that we were doing Christmas "just us" last year even though we get along w/ all our family members....it was delightfully low key and relaxing and I don't regret it for a second. May yours be equally so this year!