Looping in The Principal for Teacher Issues

[Myira]

Using the bathroom 4 times is 7.5 hours does not constitute excessive by any stretch of the imagination. This teacher obviously has decided to single out and target your child and IME in this scenario the only way to save your child from this abuse is to demand he be moved to a different teacher.

We have dealt with this similar behavior on the teachers part when DS was in first grade. It’s a waste of time to talk sense of any sort into such teachers.

This whole bathroom issue is so out there but I’m wondering if you can use it in your favor to make your case stronger for a change of classroom to get DS out of there. Everything else is also bothersome but not so cut and dry but this one issue is utterly in the realm of abusive and crazy. I would make it your ticket to rescue your son from this daily stress. I feel the best outcome of your meeting with the principal would be a change of classroom.


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[georgiegirl]

I just want to say that we've had teachers ask about our DS2's frequency using the restroom at school too. I believe it was a combination of anxiety (teachers already labeled him as a problem), needing a break (DS2 has ADHD and sometimes just needs to "escape" for a few minutes, or is bored/ uninterested in what is going on), and discovering that using the bathroom was a control thing- some kids just need to have control over certain situations. (Once the teachers told him he could go, quietly without disturbing our disrupting anyone, it tapered off). All of this could be contributing to what is going on with your son.
I would start with the counselor/ school psychologist before the principal.

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THIS!!!!!! DS1 has anxiety and adhd and he uses the bathroom very frequently (and yes, his endo checked his urine and he’s fine). It’s an anxiety thing. He even told us he doesn’t like the feeling of pee in his body. His teacher is 100% understanding and he’s doesn’t disturb the class.

I would definitely involve the principal. The teacher is picking on your DS, which I’m sure is making him anxious (which would make him need go pee more). She’s really focusing on it and finding things that are wrong. I would be very frustrated and angry as well.

[Melaine]

THIS!!!!!! DS1 has anxiety and adhd and he uses the bathroom very frequently (and yes, his endo checked his urine and he’s fine). It’s an anxiety thing. He even told us he doesn’t like the feeling of pee in his body. His teacher is 100% understanding and he’s doesn’t disturb the class.

I would definitely involve the principal. The teacher is picking on your DS, which I’m sure is making him anxious (which would make him need go pee more). She’s really focusing on it and finding things that are wrong. I would be very frustrated and angry as well.

I totally agree! There is no doubt in my mind that he is anxious about using the bathroom and is therefore feeling even more like he needs to go. Kids are not drinking enough water and it's crazy that his bathroom schedule is considered out of the norm with what you are describing. The other kids are not drinking enough water it that's the case. And his teachers sound honestly terrible.

[Smillow]

I totally agree about the anxiety! I have a self-described “bladder of steel” and I will find myself going multiple times with in 30 minutes before leaving the house if I think I will be away from a bathroom after I leave. Your poor DS! His teacher should not be subjecting him to this scrutiny.

[doberbrat]

That day, she also pulled DS aside and told him he she would be calling me about how much he pees, and she made DS leave her classroom, go to his other teacher's classroom, ask that teacher for permission to use the bathroom, then come back to her classroom to get the bathroom pass before he was allowed actually to pee.

I spoke to her in person after that, and she assured me that she thinks he sincerely needs to go, but she doesn't like DS disrupting her class to ask to use the bathroom. I asked about her making DS go to the other teacher's class and she was clearly sheepish about it, claiming she just wanted DS to double-check with the other teacher to verify that he'd used the bathroom already that day. She also noted that his needing to pee is a hardship on the other kids, because they're required to use the bathroom in pairs, allegedly as per school policy.

The second email was sent apparently within moments of him asking to use the restroom and said basically "I just want to let you know your son is using the bathroom right now (at 10:30 am), even though he already went at 9:50." She said she wasn't emailing to be mean, but because she "just wanted to let us know the frequency." I didn't respond to that email (what could I possibly say?), but saw the teacher at school the next day and she told me he hadn't used the bathroom at all in her class that day.

Then today, DS came home and said "my teacher thinks I need to go to the doctor because I pee too much. She sent you an email about it." I checked, and sure enough, there was an email from his other teacher, listing the exact times that he used the bathroom today (4x over the course of the 7.5 hours he spent at school) and reminding me that it is disruptive when he asks to use the bathroom. Interestingly, the email did NOT mention DS needing medical care even though she mentioned it to DS.

The bathroom issue is the worst of what we're seeing with these teachers, but there are other issues, too. For example, when I met with them, we agreed that I would do extra handwriting practice with DS at home every night in lieu of filling out his reading log (he still reads every night and does all of his other homework). That lasted exactly one week, then the teacher told DS he needed to bring in the handwriting book (that I purchased) every day to show it to whichever classmate she has put in charge of checking in homework that day. Otherwise, she said, the other kids would be confused as to why DS isn't getting punished for not doing his reading log. Both teachers were also supposed to help him with organization, but as far as I can tell, they do no work on it at school -- DS comes home with papers sticking every which way out of his binder, and I'm the one that goes through and makes sure everything gets into the right place (but, of course, I still get notes home about his lack of organization). And the endless negative feedback on his school and home work has continued unabated (I kid you not -- an assignment on which DS had followed directions to the letter, with a single wrong answer, was returned with a bright yellow "Quality alert!" tag attached and a demand that I sign it and he fix it).

I didnt respond yesterday b/c I wanted to think about it. Every 2 h is a little often. But I'm pretty sure I had to pee 4x during the day myself yesterday so its not out of the realm kwim? We have sometimes wondered about kids who seem to need to pee frequently - but those kids are asking to go more than once in an hour. Or repeatedly in the middle of a lesson. But I also cant think of a case where a teacher has had to email more than once about it. Emailing a parent that you have a concern is appropriate. Emailing them hourly to let them know their kid has to pee is a bit absurd.

I think she's making herself look ridiculous by sending him to another teacher first - I'd be really annoyed if someone sent a kid to ask me during my prep. - plus talk about disrupting class! She could have asked that teacher privately. I also really do not like the send 2 at a time policy. Why? IME, they take 2x as long and get into more trouble that way.

I think I would go to the principal. Do not bring up other parents. Bring up that you've tried to work with her directly and things change. Bring up that she's making your child anxious and embarrassing him in front of the class.

Ftr, I dont think kids having different expectations in a classroom is a huge deal. We explain it as everyone gets what they need. The hw monitors will quickly learn who is exempt from what and accept it unless the teacher makes a big deal of it.

[sariana]

I haven't replied to the latest bathroom email yet, but when I do I would like to cc the principal, and possibly ask him to sit in on the parent-teacher conference we have scheduled for next week. Is this appropriate at this point? I really have been trying to take the tack that one teacher-kid misfit isn't the end of the world and that DS will be fine if this year isn't great. But IMO, we're moving past "poor fit" into "singling out and harassing." The goal of getting the principal involved would be to let him know what's going on, and to as for his help in getting this to stop, or at the least, to help me arrive at a workable solution to the issues the teachers are having with DS.

I just wanted to pull out this part of OP's post. This request is perfectly reasonable and does not come across as wanting to complain to the principal about the teacher. Asking the principal to be involved is the logical next step, as OP contacted the teacher first and tried to work it out.

I'm glad that an administrator responded on this thread. It was good to hear that perspective.

[PZMommy]

At this point, I think going to the principal is the next logical step. You have talked to the teacher several times, and aren't getting anywhere, so you need to go higher up. I would really push for a change of class. I don't foresee this issue getting better.

The bathroom thing does seem a bit excessive to me. 4 times plus lunch and recess in a day is a lot, but it is not something I would be emailing a parent about. If a kid is an otherwise good kid, and I don't think they are using the bathroom as an excuse to play, I'd let it go, but may casually mention I was concerned at a parent conference. If I thought they were just playing around and not having to really use the bathroom, then I would mention it to the parent sooner. I'd still let them go, because I teach Kindergarten and I don't want them to have accidents, but I do talk to the parents in that case.

As for the rule of two going at a time, it is a safety rule. I know in my district (not at my school), a student slipped and fell in the bathroom and knocked himself unconscious. Because he had gone by himself, it took a bit for him to be discovered. He ended up being okay, but ever since we have always been told to send two at a time. Yes, they can play and can cause issues, but you just have to deal with that as a separate issue.

[bisous]

At this point, I think going to the principal is the next logical step. You have talked to the teacher several times, and aren't getting anywhere, so you need to go higher up. I would really push for a change of class. I don't foresee this issue getting better.

This is ultimately what I think too. The teachers actions are tinged with unkindness and even if she is reprimanded by the principal nobody can make her be nice when she’s dug in her heels and decided that she’s somehow justified in mistreating your son! I’m so sorry. It’s awful. Unfortunately I’ve “been there”. Plenty of teachers would love to teach your son I’m sure. Here’s hoping you can connect with one of them. I’d go into the principal with a prehearsed succinct set of facts and just get him moved! Let us know how it goes.

[JBaxter]

I volunteer ( always have) in the class room a lot. As for the bathroom issue I have seen kids use going to the bathroom as an outlet This year the teacher has a student that goes into the bathroom much more often than all the other combined. She has gotten to the point when she starts instruction she announces no bathroom trips for the next < how ever many minutes she needs> She does the same for tests. It is disruptive because the child then needs all the instructions again at the table when others are trying to work on the project. There are other times a child can use the restroom other than instruction time after drop off before class before specials recess lunch etc. Our school has in classroom bathrooms or Jack & Jill type with adjoining class rooms. As for asking him if he has been to the DR she may have been trying to see if there was a medical condition that was not disclosed on his school paper work. I'd add a admin and or school counselor to the loop but it may be brought up the excessive trips do disrupt the learning environment for the other students. If the teacher isnt a good fit then ask for a switch to a different classroom I've done it at the first marking period mark with one of mine.

[doberbrat]

As for asking him if he has been to the DR she may have been trying to see if there was a medical condition that was not disclosed on his school paper work.

I agree that its appropriate for the teacher to have asked. .... but the teacher should have asked the parent. OR the child. Not harp on it repeatedly kwim? I also think it is reasonable to say - no bathroom trips during direct instruction times or to make kids wait a bit.

In 2nd dd2 had a teacher who refused to allow ANY bathroom trips except during snack and lunch/recess. THAT was a nightmare! She is no longer at our school thank goodness. It is unfortunate - she was a GREAT teacher but was really more suited to older grades.


I dont think this is JUST an issue about the bathroom. It seems to be a pattern of being unkind or overly picky.