Looping in The Principal for Teacher Issues

[TwinFoxes]

Definitely involve admin at this point. Last year I had one of my DDs removed from her math class because the teacher was obviously picking on her. The AP said "I don't see how their relationship can be repaired" after I showed her communications I'd had from the teacher, and told her some of things DD said about the teacher ("she hates me, she thinks I'm stupid.") And while I'm sure the teacher didn't actually hate her, it was clear she strongly disliked my DD.

As for the bathroom thing, I do think it's disruptive. I'm sure he's doing it as a release, but that means he's most likely asking to go when the stakes are highest. For example, she'll start test instructions, but he has to go to the bathroom which is a disruptive. I think she needs to think outside the box a little bit and say "before I give test instructions, please take this time to go to the restroom". Or like PP said "for the next 10 minutes no one can go to the bathroom." BTW, does he go that often at home?

And in regards to her asking him if he needs to go to the doctor, I do not for a second believe it was said with kindness and concern from him. I don't think she should have said anything to him, *a child*, even if she was concerned for his health. Like he's supposed to make his own doctor's appointment? Or if he has a diagnosis he'll be the most reliable narrator of what that is? I doubt she pulled him aside and said gently "DS, is there a medical condition that I need to know about?" More likely it was "maybe you need to go to the doctor, you go to the bathroom too much" said in a snarky way.

[mom2khj]

I'm so sorry your DS is experiencing this. My oldest had a similar teacher in 3rd grade and it really caused her anxiety to spiral out of control. I think I have PTSD from dealing with it and it was 8 years ago! I was SO grateful DS didn't get that teacher this year in 3rd! She used to be the only GT teacher, so we didn't even have a choice to move to another class if they were to stay in GT. Our principal at the time also tended to side with teachers no matter what. I had evidence of a lie from a teacher, in an email, and the principal still didn't believe me!

I think getting the principal involved at this point is a good idea. I like how it's been proposed by others to engage the principal for their awareness and not necessarily because you're tattling or trying to go above the teacher. I agree there is concern on how the rules keep changing after an agreement has been met. That's just setting him up for failure.

[anonomom]

Quick update:

I held off on looping in the principal, and we had our conference today. It was rushed and DS's ELA teacher needed to leave to meet with someone else, so I had to bring up the bathroom issue quickly. I told them "I'm feeling defensive and a little bit angry about the emails we've been getting," and mentioned DS coming home and telling me the math teacher had mentioned him needing a doctor.

And then the math teacher started to cry.

As best as I can tell from what ensued over the next five minutes, the math teacher didn't realize we'd already heard from and spoken to the English teacher several times about DS using the bathroom, so she thought she was being helpful. The English teacher denied ever having said anything at all to DS about his bathroom use, which I know isn't true because she had previously acknowledged talking about it with him at least twice. The issue appears to be resolved with the Math teacher; we'll see what happens with the English teacher.

On the plus side, the math teacher was able to give us a good update on the evaluation process and what she's been doing in class to help DS, and she says she's seeing a lot of progress with him. It looks like most of what was making us angry is coming from the English teacher, and I'm still not really sure how to deal with that, but I do believe that the Math teacher is sincerely trying to help (and I feel awful for making her cry).

Bottom line, I am less angry but still kind of confused as to how to handle all of this. We're supposed to meet within the next two weeks with the intervention team, so I'm hopeful that that will bring some clarity. In the meantime, I (and DS) can handle not being a particularly good fit with one of his teachers if things are going ok with the other one.

[TwinFoxes]

I didn't understand from your OP that it was two different teachers writing the emails. That actually changes things somewhat. Good luck going forward.

[JBaxter]

I didn't understand from your OP that it was two different teachers writing the emails. That actually changes things somewhat. Good luck going forward.

I agree Two teachers don’t notice the same behavior unless it is an issue

[petesgirl]

Quick update:

I held off on looping in the principal, and we had our conference today. It was rushed and DS's ELA teacher needed to leave to meet with someone else, so I had to bring up the bathroom issue quickly. I told them "I'm feeling defensive and a little bit angry about the emails we've been getting," and mentioned DS coming home and telling me the math teacher had mentioned him needing a doctor.

And then the math teacher started to cry.

As best as I can tell from what ensued over the next five minutes, the math teacher didn't realize we'd already heard from and spoken to the English teacher several times about DS using the bathroom, so she thought she was being helpful. The English teacher denied ever having said anything at all to DS about his bathroom use, which I know isn't true because she had previously acknowledged talking about it with him at least twice. The issue appears to be resolved with the Math teacher; we'll see what happens with the English teacher.

On the plus side, the math teacher was able to give us a good update on the evaluation process and what she's been doing in class to help DS, and she says she's seeing a lot of progress with him. It looks like most of what was making us angry is coming from the English teacher, and I'm still not really sure how to deal with that, but I do believe that the Math teacher is sincerely trying to help (and I feel awful for making her cry).

Bottom line, I am less angry but still kind of confused as to how to handle all of this. We're supposed to meet within the next two weeks with the intervention team, so I'm hopeful that that will bring some clarity. In the meantime, I (and DS) can handle not being a particularly good fit with one of his teachers if things are going ok with the other one.

Don't feel bad for making the math teacher cry! This isn't about her, it's about your DS. IMO, neither of the teachers is treating him right and I feel bad that a young child has to deal with this. He doesn't deserve the negativity he is getting from them.