stop trying to talk to my tween about whether "girls are chasing him", grandma

[Reader]

OMG this drives me crazy. My MIL talked to my tween yesterday for the first time in months, and the only thing she said to him is, "are the girls chasing you?" He's a tween, he's not into girls. Even if he were into girls, would this be appropriate grandma talk? This is not the first time. Last time we visited, he was drawing, and she said, "are you not going to show me that because it's for your girlfriend?" He didn't not show it to her. Recently she asked DH when we were going to get the kids married off. She's elderly so there's not much to do about it. It brings back memories of being a teen and my extended family questioning why I wasn't bringing a boyfriend to family Thanksgiving and feeling shame because I didn't. Don't kids have the rest of their lives for relationships? Why must grandparents start talking about this before they are even teens? It's gross.

[georgiegirl]

How annoying and inappropriate!

My grandma was like that. When I was in high school, she asked me, “why don’t you have a boyfriend? You have a very nice figure.” I was clever enough to respond,”if a boy likes me for my figure, I don’t want him as my boyfriend.” She passed away right after I got married, but until I was engaged, she always asked about boys. I hated her for it. (Based on her life experiences, I know she very much valued being pretty and having an attractive man in her life.)

[Liziz]

It drives me absolutely batty when people do this. Also when the first and only thing they can say to my girls is that they're "very pretty", but that's a rant for another day. Thankfully I think people are slowly waking up to how inappropriate that kind of thing is, but unfortunately for your son, it's unlikely grandma is going to realize it. Sorry your son has to deal with it!

[jgenie]

Our barber does this every time we go in for haircuts. It.drives.me.nuts!!

[KpbS]

Totally ridiculous. Ugh

[DualvansMommy]

I’m pretty hard liner with this kind of thing, maybe I’m extra sensitive due to my work with abused women and DV in general. But I’m seriously so tired of that and even more so, with the excuse that it’s older generation and therefore we can’t do anything about it. There is a choice we can make and do.

Just tell grandma to stop it; period or you guys would leave. Educate her why it’s inappropriate. It’s the only way they learn and to start respecting the kids choices.


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[Reader]

I’m pretty hard liner with this kind of thing, maybe I’m extra sensitive due to my work with abused women and DV in general. But I’m seriously so tired of that and even more so, with the excuse that it’s older generation and therefore we can’t do anything about it. There is a choice we can make and do.

Just tell grandma to stop it; period or you guys would leave. Educate her why it’s inappropriate. It’s the only way they learn and to start respecting the kids choices.


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You're exactly right, and we have done that. Then time goes by and she does it again.

[dogmom]

I’d be tempted to say, “Why do you assume he likes girls?” To shut her up. (BTW, I know my kids would have been 100% behind that comeback.)

[Melaine]

So totally cringy. I remember a few people who asked this question a lot and they were all quite socially awkward. But it is really strange and inappropriate. I use these as a teaching moment that some people don't have a right perspective on romantic relationships, which is why we take relationships very seriously and relationships are for grown ups, not children. Some people also don't think before they speak and that is why I am teaching you to be thoughtful with your words. Also, sometimes older people have different ideas and we can respect them (the people) even if we don't agree with them (the ideas), etc. etc. As weird as it is, I think children can learn from stuff like this and it just can be a talking point.

[doberbrat]

I'd be super ticked too. I have an aunt like this. We do not see her often!