How to help twice exceptional kids at school

[georgiegirl]

Ds2 (6) is super bright, but he’s socially and emotionally immature, has sensory issues, and suffers from anxiety. We redshirted him (mid/late August birthday) because of the social/emotional deficits. Everyday he says he hates school. He says he’s bored and he has issues with one particular kid. We were able to get him single grade acceleration for math, which he likes, but he is “so so bored” during the literacy/language arts block (his reading level is about early second grade). The bigger issue is that he fights frequently with a certain kid in his class (who I’m pretty sure is a behavior problem in general...DS1 volunteers in that class twice a week and he reports that particular child has behavior issues). DS2 reports that this kid follows him around at recess and then hits, kicks, or punches him. Sometimes Ds2 reports it to an adult and sometimes he doesn’t. I’ve been emailing the teacher about Ds’s problems with this kid for a week, and I emailed the school counselor yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon the boys got into a fight at recess where they attacked each other and both got in trouble. It was a rough day for DS because there was a sub in his classroom and he can’t handle chaos. He needs everything to be very structured and he needs all the kids to behave in order for him to be successful in the classroom. And when he’s overwhelmed (sensory), he acts out because he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. He does have those peltor ear muffs, and he wears those on the bus (he was freaking out on the bus before we figured out he needed ear muffs.). His teacher is great and she’s very understanding. I just don’t know how to get DS the help he needs. Clearly he has no educational deficits, and two years ago he did OT (until we discovered out insurance wasn’t covering it), and he went to play therapy last fall (not that helpful.). He’s a super easy and sweet kid when he’s alone with an adult, but a terror when he’s placed in a chaotic situation with lots of kids. He does have friends and can play well with 1-2 kids at a time. FWIW, he did very well in TK last year. It was a catholic school with 15 kids and 2 teachers in the room.

Any ideas about what I can do to help him?


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[KpbS]

Well, I think he would thrive in a different setting. Back at the Catholic school or perhaps homeschooling. School is such a huge factor of a kids’ life and if that fit isn’t right, it will have long term effects in and out of school.

[Philly Mom]

Have you thought about/discussed pushing him up a grade? They may be able to do better acceleration and he would not be so bored. It may help. It is hard with kids on the bubble age wise. A friend was told by the school district during testing when she was going to hold back her August DS who emotionally seemed young and appeared to her to have ADHD, to not hold him back. Turned out the kid was so gifted that many of the behaviors they saw were out of boredom. Some were because of age. But they also pointed out that some kids will be loners/true introverts and on the outskirts by choice, and another year will not change that. She realized that her husband is actually like that, and so pushed her kid ahead. He is doing well in third grade.

[georgiegirl]

Have you thought about/discussed pushing him up a grade? They may be able to do better acceleration and he would not be so bored. It may help. It is hard with kids on the bubble age wise. A friend was told by the school district during testing when she was going to hold back her August DS who emotionally seemed young and appeared to her to have ADHD, to not hold him back. Turned out the kid was so gifted that many of the behaviors they saw were out of boredom. Some were because of age. But they also pointed out that some kids will be loners/true introverts and on the outskirts by choice, and another year will not change that. She realized that her husband is actually like that, and so pushed her kid ahead. He is doing well in third grade.

It’s something to think about. I just want him to enjoy school, both academically and socially. He has always played better with kids his age or younger. TK was great because it was all kids with summer birthdays.


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[mom2binsd]

A tough situation, as he is around younger kids who may be quite a bit behind his cognitive skills, especially if he's bright and the classroom work is probably boring.

I agree with looking at placing him in the appropriate age grade may help, also if he's around kids his age or older maybe that will be a positive experience for him.

I would work with the school special Ed team to see what suggestions they have in place.

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[Philly Mom]

It’s something to think about. I just want him to enjoy school, both academically and socially. He has always played better with kids his age or younger. TK was great because it was all kids with summer birthdays.


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I have an august birthday kid and am close friends with boy/girl July birthday twins. All three went on time and I cannot imagine how boring school would be if they were held. The boy struggles a bit socially but I think it is probable he would regardless. He isn't sporty. He plays great with my younger daughter. At the end of the day, I think all three rose to the occasion. I have no idea what it will look like in the true puberty years. Maybe then, once everyone else has caught up to their reading/math abilities, the social piece will require something different, but for now, being in the higher grade is more interesting and makes school better.

[georgiegirl]

I have an august birthday kid and am close friends with boy/girl July birthday twins. All three went on time and I cannot imagine how boring school would be if they were held. The boy struggles a bit socially but I think it is probable he would regardless. He isn't sporty. He plays great with my younger daughter. At the end of the day, I think all three rose to the occasion. I have no idea what it will look like in the true puberty years. Maybe then, once everyone else has caught up to their reading/math abilities, the social piece will require something different, but for now, being in the higher grade is more interesting and makes school better.

My middle child has a mid-July birthday and I sent him on time. He’s in 5th grade now and doing fine. But Ds2 would not have been able to handle K last year. His preschool teachers (at the elementary school) thought he would have daily meltdowns because of the chaos and transitions. He struggled in preschool socially and emotionally. But last year in TK, he did great. I think because the class size was small and it was sooooo structured.

But I will ask his teacher, the gifted teacher, and the counselor what they think of putting him in first grade.


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[KpbS]

But if he has social and emotional deficits that make him younger than the first grade class in addition to anxiety and sensory issues, being in a first grade classroom isn't going to help those issues. His anxiety and sensory issues will be heightened and more apparent being with peers that are not on his same level of social and emotional maturity.

He needs a more structured educational environment, regardless of the grade material presented.

[MSWR0319]

Can your school offer him sensory/OT services? With a diagnosis of anxiety and sensory issues, he may qualify for a 504. DS1 had sensory issues and after talking with the OT at school, she set him up to go to the sensory room once a day. He went about half way through, and for him the swing was calming. So he'd swing and it would help ease his anxiety and stress and the rest of the day was better. He presented his anxiety/sensory overload with meltdowns once he got home. OT helped so much at school. He also had a weighted thing he put around his neck in class if he needed it. Are there things your son could use in class that help calm him? Wiggle seat, fidget items, etc. What has the teacher said about the other kid? Maybe if they could solve the problems he's having with that child, he'd enjoy school more. Is there another teacher that may be more structured?

Given the issues, I don't think moving him up is going to help the situation at this point. Hopefully the school will offer some options to help him.

[georgiegirl]

Can your school offer him sensory/OT services? With a diagnosis of anxiety and sensory issues, he may qualify for a 504. DS1 had sensory issues and after talking with the OT at school, she set him up to go to the sensory room once a day. He went about half way through, and for him the swing was calming. So he'd swing and it would help ease his anxiety and stress and the rest of the day was better. He presented his anxiety/sensory overload with meltdowns once he got home. OT helped so much at school. He also had a weighted thing he put around his neck in class if he needed it. Are there things your son could use in class that help calm him? Wiggle seat, fidget items, etc. What has the teacher said about the other kid? Maybe if they could solve the problems he's having with that child, he'd enjoy school more. Is there another teacher that may be more structured?

Given the issues, I don't think moving him up is going to help the situation at this point. Hopefully the school will offer some options to help him.

I have no idea what kind of sensory services they have at school. He doesn’t have any official diagnoses. We did OT for his sensory issues when he was 4 for two months, but it wasn’t covered under our insurance, so we stopped. (This was back when he wouldn’t touch anything wet/dirty like finger paints or slime, but he’s okay with that now...maybe not finger paint, but he doesn’t freak when he gets mud on his hand.). Last year, he saw a play therapist who said all of his issues were anxiety related (I was wondering if was in the spectrum, but she didn’t think so...just anxiety). I signed up to have him evaluated at a gifted center that also evaluates 2e kids. I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I think it takes about 6 months to get the appointment. So I’d get firm diagnoses there. I had the school district evaluate him last fall, but they thought he was perfect...he plays very well with adults. And they observed him at school, and he was good there too. He can be sweet and funny and smart when around adults, but then when a kid makes faces at him and won’t stop, he completely loses his $hit.


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