Therapist - how much "distance"?

[elbert]

Wondering if I can get thoughts from a group...

DD (13) has recently been diagnosed with a life-altering health condition and, while she's handling it very well right now, I got a recommendation from the pediatrician for a adolescent psychologist so that we have someone on hand if things become more emotionally challenging for her. Like everyone does these days, I Googled her and she seems (on paper) to be a great fit for our needs - both in her areas of expertise and her personal interests. Enter the problem: I think I know her! I *believe* her daughter is a year ahead of my daughter in public school and we've chatted multiple times over the years as the girls did the same extra-curriculars. We would likely continue to run into each other as the kids are still involved in similar things and the community really comes together around school activities. Question: should I entirely rule her out for this reason, or is this just a reality of life and something that doesn't cause any issues/conflicts/etc.?

[georgiegirl]

I would let your daughter know and ask her if she’d feel comfortable with it.

Many hugs to you and your daughter

[pinkmomagain]

How do you feel about it? Definitely ask how your daughter would feel about it. Therapists are taught to keep good boundaries -- like not acknowledging a client in public unless the client does first. If you feel she could be an excellent match and you and your daughter are open to it, you can give her a call and ask her about it. Some therapists might shy away from this and offer other referrals, while others would be fine with it. I have found some people really appreciate when their therapist comes from their community and "gets" some of the challenges and nuances that only a fellow community member would be familiar with.

[DualvansMommy]

Since your DD is 13, more self aware and will affect her life, I’d def ask for her input. Lay it all out to her, like you did here, but also say therapists are bound to a code of ethnics, and at first appointment the therapist will likely address it to DD too.

Having that said, I’m from a very small community and as a social worker myself, have many professional relationships with many other therapists, etc. I decline to see them. I access my therapy needs via videophone with a therapist not connected to my area/community.


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[elbert]

Thanks for these responses. Very helpful and insightful (for example, I never even considered the potential value of actually knowing the nuances of our community - where the kids are high achieving...and stressed!) after reading these, when we get to the point of DD needing some help navigating the emotional impact of this, I do think it would be worth a discussion with the therapist first. Thanks for helping me think about this more clearly...and for the support.


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[TwinFoxes]

I have a friend who's a therapist whose kids are very active in our community (multiple sports/activities). She says she bumps into her clients often. She just follows their lead. If the client or their parent ignores her, she ignores them, if they say hi, she says hi. She says some flat out introduce her as their therapist. I think most therapists probably do something similar. I definitely don't think you should dismiss her out of hand. Also, are you positive it's her? I'd want to be sure before crossing such a seemingly good fit off the list (or even raising it to your daughter). If it is her, maybe when you make initial contact mention your concern and ask what she does in social situations.

I'm very sorry to hear your daughter is having medical issues.

[StantonHyde]

I work in a psychiatric hospital so I run into my psychiatrist and DS's psychiatrist--and the doc who treated my father as an inpatient--on a regular basis. We joke that half the people in the building have seen half of the other people in the building. I keep boundaries because I have to work with these people. And it's all fine. It sounds like this would be ok in your situation as well.

[Globetrotter]

My former therapist (grief counseling) was a friend of my acquaintance (C), and I bumped into her at C’s party and totally ignored her. It was a bit awkward. Plus I didn’t want her to feel obliged to talk to me, then later I wish I had just chatted with her as she would have been curious.

Therapists are used to dealing with this and probably don’t care, but for us it might be awkward.

[Globetrotter]

Duplicate

[pharmjenn]

I would imagine in small towns or rural areas, it is quite common to know your therapist, since there aren't likely many to choose from.
This reminded me of Lake Bells character in Bless this Mess. She starts a scrapbooking group and does group and individual therapy with the women in town who don't want to see a therapist.