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  1. #1
    basil is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default BP, but maybe advice too re: playdates

    My DS is an extrovert caught in a family of introverts. He LOVES social interaction and he's a very sweet boy. He would be thrilled having a play date every day.

    He has never, not once, in his whole life, been invited for a play date and it breaks my heart.

    I have worked really hard to schedule him play dates, though I certainly don't love them myself. We have done 6 play dates with 6 different little boys since the beginning of the school year. And not one has been reciprocated and there were a few more that got cancelled last minute. As far as I can tell, the boys have a good time when they are at my house. They play video games or sports outside, etc.

    DS's teacher tells me that he is well-liked at school. He can be a little silly sometimes trying to impress his friends by talking out of turn or saying funny things, but she told me in conference that "it's been nice this year having DS and two other boys to have the more academically talented kids be the same as the more 'cool' kids". When I watch him in a playground group he is neither the most aggressive nor the most conservative kid.

    He sometimes asks me why he never gets invited to anyone else's house and I don't know how to answer that. I'm just sad that he's sad about it.

    Off to schedule play date number 7 for this weekend.
    DS- 8/11
    DD- 5/14

  2. #2
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    Iím sorry he isnít being invited to other kids homes. That stinks.

    I will say Iím bad about scheduling play date. My kids mostly play with neighborhood kids. I think Iíve arranged play dates with school friends like twice a year (maybe?) when DS1 was younger. And I think DS1 has been invited to school friends houses only a handful of times and heís in 5th grade...like maybe 3 times total. Heís very well liked and has tons of friends. (He does have a best friend from swim team and they do play dates weekly, but itís usually before or after swim practice.). Usually itís just the neighborhood kids.


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    DD (3/06)
    DS1 (7/09)
    DS2 (8/13)

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    We are pulled in too many directions to host many play dates. Ds2 would love more! He has a great group of friends but setting things up just always falls off my radar. Donít read too much into it. Itís great when thereís a back and forth on hosting and invites but itís really not what you should hold out for. If he likes someone, just invite them again. Both of my kids picked just 1-2 friends to always socialize with- we didnít bother hosting tons of different kids. Might be easier if your kiddo does the same because you can also build relationships with the other parents. Itíll be easier for you, as an introvert, than always meeting new people.


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  4. #4
    elbenn is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I agree with others that the boys he has invited may either have easy playdates with neighbors or parents that don't like to host playdates. I definitely wouldn't take it that his friends don't want to have him over. I do feel like playdates around here are usually reciprocated at least once so it does stink that that hasn't been the case for you. He does baseball, right? Could you invite friends from his team over after games (just kind of informally figured out at the game)? It seems like that might be an easy way that it might be reciprocated another time.

  5. #5
    basil is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I just feel bad for him. We used to have a neighbor who was a year younger than DS and they played together a lot. They moved away this summer and the people that moved in have a baby. No one else on our street his age.

    He is the one who always wants a different friend. We are about to run out of boys in his class that we havenít had for play dates yet so Iím sure we will have to start repeating soon!

    I havenít been taking it too personally, I know people are busy and itís a pain to get your house company ready etc. But I am sad that he feels sad about it.

  6. #6
    petesgirl is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Basil, I wish we were neighbors!! It looks like our boys are the sane age and their situations are very similar. I also don't particularly enjoy hosting playdates but DS loves it! He is very social and likes to always be busy (but not with planned things like sports). He had a best friend right across the street for 6 yrs and they played together almost daily, but she moved last year.
    We have run into the same thing as you-- parents don't reciprocate on playdates. I know people are busy and I'm sure it's yhe reason your son isn't getting invited too. But that's a hard explanation for a kid to understand. I've just come to accept that I need to make the first effort -and probably the only effort- if I want my son to play with friends. What I really want is to move to a neighborhood full of kids but that isn't possible for us right now!
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    We are pulled in too many directions to host many play dates. Ds2 would love more! He has a great group of friends but setting things up just always falls off my radar. Don’t read too much into it. It’s great when there’s a back and forth on hosting and invites but it’s really not what you should hold out for. If he likes someone, just invite them again. Both of my kids picked just 1-2 friends to always socialize with- we didn’t bother hosting tons of different kids. Might be easier if your kiddo does the same because you can also build relationships with the other parents. It’ll be easier for you, as an introvert, than always meeting new people.


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    This, it sounds like there are two boys in particular that he likes to be around from the teacher’s comments. I would have them, or whichever is his favorites over again. Some people just prefer to have others host.

  8. #8
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Yes, if you're OK hosting, just continue to invite. Also, perhaps a playdate at a location - ie local park/playground?

    Try not to take it personally. For us, we have a big, scary dog who doesn't like kids... which makes playdates at our house nearly impossible. It may have nothing to do with your child.

    We just try to have playdates away from the house, and do sports so DS can interact with kids and get exercise.

  9. #9
    KpbS's Avatar
    KpbS is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Are there any other moms you know from a different source like church, work, or mom's group, library time, etc.? You may have better luck connecting from a different source of people.

    I say keep trying until you find a kid your DS connects with and who wants to hang out and play as much as your DS does. Kids of course aren't little adults, but in this way I think they are. Some people we just click with right away. We have lots in common, lots to talk about, etc. Others are nice/fine, but the connection is not the same. Kwim? Hang in there!
    K

  10. #10
    gymnbomb is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    My son (almost 6) has asked me several times over the past year to play with various kids he knows from school or daycare. Honestly I have just dropped the ball and not made it happen.

    It would take multiple house of cleaning to have my house look decent enough to feel comfortable inviting people we donít know well over, so I would prefer to meet elsewhere, but donít want to ask people to go places they might have to pay to get in.

    And to be totally honest, this is one of those things where my husband will say o should set up a play date and I just want to say great idea, he would love it, you should set it up and take him! But then I know that would never happen either. He is great at taking the kids places, but donít think he has ever once contacted another childís parent, found a new location to take the kids, scheduled a lesson or party, etc. (My apologies for using your post to add my own vents! And also my apologies to my son and all his friends who would probably love to come over and play.)


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    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

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