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  1. #11
    ang79 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by belovedgandp View Post
    My two boys are 10th and 7th grade. They have extremely different temperaments when it comes to electronics. I never really had rules for the oldest. As a family we ALL leave our devices in one central location when in the house and charge them in the central location. Keeping phones and tablets out of bedrooms is a big one for me. Since they are housed centrally, they tend to be used in our common areas.

    The general rule is homework and house work before screen/goof time.

    My 7th grader has a hard time unwinding to get to sleep. He will postpone his leisure and even required reading to before bed. He does much better when he hasn't had a screen on for about an hour before bedtime.

    It's different now with the winter weather. When it is nicer, outside time after school trumps about everything else.
    Quick question for those that keep devices out of bedrooms. Where do your kids do their homework? DD1 (7th grade) has a school issued chrome book that most of her homework is done on. Phone and chrome book are charged in the kitchen each night, but she uses both in her room during the day. She gets home an hour before me most days and sits in her room listening to music on Spotify and doing homework on her chrome book. I was the same way at her age, did my homework in my room while listening to my music, so I get that. But I didn't have a cell phone or computer to use back then.

  2. #12
    o_mom is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    My oldest two were poster children for the "no restrictions - they will figure it out" camp. They know that we lightly monitor activity and that if they balk at putting the tech away, it will be taken away for a time. They have learned that as long as they keep reasonably good grades and do chores when asked, we are not going to quibble over how much time they spend online. We do have a hard stop for internet access at bedtime, but for those two, that is about it.

    DS3 is a whole different ballgame. He just. cannot. regulate. He has NO saturation point where he will stop. It is a battle every time we ask him to pause of things like <gasp> dinner or showering. He also will test every. single. limit. It is exhausting trying to keep ahead of him because he will constantly test limits on time and content. It does not matter if we restrict it to a public area, take it away, etc. As soon as he has access again, he will try to find a way around the rules. We have had the same conversation at least twenty times about how the better he controls himself, the more freedom he will have. The temptation is just too much and he is right back to the same behavior that caused him to lose privileges in the first place.

    I tend to think that it is the inability to regulate that causes the restrictions, rather than the opposite.
    Last edited by o_mom; 01-11-2020 at 11:29 PM.

  3. #13
    ezcc is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    I also fall into the camp of self regulation- I really think this is an important skill I would like my kids to have before they leave home. Oldest ds (17) has no rules- he is a straight a student, plays 3 varsity sports, has a healthy social life and other than having a chronically messy room seems fine- he is on his phone a lot, plays a fair amount of video games but obviously is managing it fine. DD (14) has to plug in her phone downstairs- 9 pm on weeknights, 10 pm weekends- she struggles more with detaching- snapchat, friends etc are very important to her- but she is busy too, spends time irl with friends, is on a swim team etc. This is a newish rule for her- I used to let her keep her phone to listen to audio books at night but have realized she rarely does that anymore and was just perusing social media at night. My youngest is 8, he has way more screen time (tv, video games) than many 8 year olds but seems to be fine- he doesn't have any devices of his own. I think the biggest key is keeping them busy doing things that they enjoy, so that downtime on screens doesn't seem like such a waste.

  4. #14
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    I don’t have time rules for the 7th grader or freshman. If I see a problem, I tell them to get off the screens. It has worked so far. They both have great grades, play sports, keep busy. So far so good. I think you do have to keep your eyes open though and act early. And obviously some kids need more rules than others. I could end up with one in my 3rd grader as he needs more now than the older two did.
    Mama to my boys (04,07,11)

  5. #15
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    DS is a sophomore, DD is a freshman. They do their homework out in the kitchen with us--DH usually helps with math and often science. We help them study for tests--quiz them on French verb conjugations etc. Once homework is done, they can be on devices until it is bed time. We do require that the phones are in the kitchen by 9:00 pm. No texting, etc. And phones have to be put away while doing homework. On the weekends, they have until noon to be on devices, then they have to do homework. As their course loads increase, there will be less time on devices. But that will happen naturally. DD is much better at self-regulation than DS. She doesn't play games but she does watch lots of you tube videos. We do randomly check cell phones from time to time. We haven't had any issues so far. They know if they don't have good grades, the phone goes and the other devices will also go. We have rarely had to use that in elementary/junior high but we did. Have not had to use in HS.
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  6. #16
    gatorsmom is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ang79 View Post
    Quick question for those that keep devices out of bedrooms. Where do your kids do their homework? DD1 (7th grade) has a school issued chrome book that most of her homework is done on. Phone and chrome book are charged in the kitchen each night, but she uses both in her room during the day. She gets home an hour before me most days and sits in her room listening to music on Spotify and doing homework on her chrome book. I was the same way at her age, did my homework in my room while listening to my music, so I get that. But I didn't have a cell phone or computer to use back then.
    I did homework in my bedroom growing up too, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t have a desk so I would lay out my stuff on my bed but it wasn’t comfortable. I tried doing my homework at the kitchen table but my mom was usually in the kitchen either making dinner and baking or ironing. She had a little tv that she watched soap operas or the news and it was always on. If that wasn’t distracting me then she would by chatting with me. Which was great except that I couldn’t get my work done with all the interruptions .

    My kids told me they don’t like to do their homework in their rooms. In fact, they don’t spend much time in their rooms except DD. They say they like to be near where the rest of the family hangs out. DS1 does his homework in the 4 seasons porch which is warm and right off the kitchen. DS2 does his homework in what used to be the formal living room which is now a library. The twins sit at the kitchen table and I try by I keep it quiet while they work. I like to listen to stuff while cooking and cleaning (like my mom did) but I wear airpods around the house. We still have a few pairs of noise-canceling headphones from when DS3 had more difficulty with sensory issues so the kids will occasionally sit at the kitchen table with those to block noise.
    "It is not 'progressive' to try to resolve problems by eliminating a human life." Pope Francis

  7. #17
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    My 7th grader prefers to do his homework immediately after school, in the kitchen. My freshman prefers to rest first and then do his homework in the quiet of his own room. I let him. I let them do what works best for their own success. They both do most of their homework on school issued laptops. Our family computers are not in their rooms, but in a loft. Only my 3rd grader does any homework on them anymore though.
    Mama to my boys (04,07,11)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by o_mom View Post

    I tend to think that it is the inability to regulate that causes the restrictions, rather than the opposite.
    I agree with this from our limited experience with my kids. I don't have any set screen time restrictions right now as my kids' activities and obligations seem to limit it. All of my kids play competitive sports and have other hobbies/clubs that fill their days but that could obviously change with time. DS1 must leave his phone in our bedroom at 9:00 and computers are to be in main areas of the house - usually kitchen and office. Occasionally I allow one of the boys (8th grade and 5th grade) to take one upstairs to work on a project in their bedroom, but most of the time they prefer to work in the kitchen.

    None of this is to say I don't confiscate devices when I think they've had enough on a down day. Maybe that's a day-by-day screen restriction? I feel no guilt when I take an ipad or xBox controller and shoo a kid outside.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

  9. #19
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    KpbS is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    No phone time (game or texting non school related) or computer game time until all the work of the day is done. Phone is on the counter by 8 pm. If you lose privileges by talking back or being disrespectful, the phone is mine until you've earned the privileges back, same for computer play time. We generally just play switch games on the weekend, unless there is an unusual circumstance.
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  10. #20
    lovin2shop is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    No set restrictions for my middle or high school boys. They keep their grades up, and stay really busy with sports and other activities. If they have downtime, I'm fine with them spending time on electronics to unwind a bit or kill time on a cold rainy weekend. If it seems like they've been on too long, I'll shoo them off to other activities with friends. During the week, they know that they have to be ready to turn it off for dinner and that we'll have some family time in the evening, but if there is time later they can get back on for a bit. If I get grief on any of this, the x box and/or phone are taken away. I think it has actually gotten easier as they have gotten older as they start getting more of a social life and want to spend time with friends.

    My older DS is on his computer all the time, he uses it for homework, reading, watching shows, nba season pass, you name it. But, he's 17 and will be off at college soon enough, so the self regulation thing is really key. Since he seems to manage, high grades, lots of activities, and stays out of trouble, I don't monitor it too closely anymore. I do try to keep an open dialogue about what he is doing online, and make sure that he is well aware of all of the risks out there.

    My 6th grader, got a phone for Christmas. No social media until at least high school, and phone is charged downstairs at night. I use Bark to monitor texts with friends.

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