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  1. #11
    Kestrel is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    We love our new judo class, it's been great for discipline and balance, and we wanted something year-round. It has some aspects of team and some of solo work. Or something like parkour or gymnastics?

  2. #12
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    OP, one thing that struck me was that S’s mom told you you DD had said/done violent things, but you did not want to ask about that. I would be greatly concerned if another adult told me that. I don’t know your DD’s story, but I would want to find out what she was referencing.

  3. #13
    mommy111 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    We have discussed DD's ADHD between ourselves before, but I really don't know whether anything more than the "Thanks for letting me know (DH) and I are working with DD on all of these things" I sent on Friday night is going to be helpful. I will consider everyone's advice on this front, though, because I don't always do social cues well either. (I am only a tiny bit better at it than DD, and I still find certain "girl" behaviors baffling and disconcerting.)

    Honestly, there's a lot going on in S's household, from having a new baby sister (born in August) to S's mom starting a new job (last month) to the fight between S and her bio-dad, that I think this break isn't really a bad thing.
    FWIW, I think your text was fine, it indicates agreement and sounds like S’s mom already knows about DD’s ADHD. Sometimes a break is good, it allows the weariness and the irritability in a relationship to pass and they approach old friends again with an appreciation of their qualities rather than irritation. I wouldn’t sweat it, honestly. At this age, broken hearts get mended soon
    '...everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the Last of the Human Freedoms, the ability to choose one's behavior in any set of circumstances, the Freedom to Choose One's Own Way.' -Viktor Frankle

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  4. #14
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kindra178 View Post
    I agree with Georgie above. She needs to be back in therapy. Does the school have a social skills group run by social worker? Can you find one outside the school?

    In terms of physical activity, how about just at home? Can you do workout routines with her? Yoga and other classes on free sites? This is pricey but the jump sport mini tramp was the best thing we ever purchased at home! Someone is always jumping.

    Can we go back to the mess? I work a ton and have kids over quite a bit. I would be livid if my kids’ friends made a mess and didn’t stay to clean it up. The circumstances of said mess would be of no import to me. Maybe you could have apologized for you and her not helping doing the cleanup?

    Finding new friends is probably best.
    The school used to have a social skills group, run by the school counselor (not quite sure what kind of certifications she has, but it's likely MSW at a minimum), but I have not yet explored a social skills group outside school. As for individual therapy, I am currently comparing our insurance to the list of therapists who have been recommended to us through DD's pediatrician.

    We can absolutely do workout routines at home; we have so many videos!! I don't have the storage space for even a mini-trampoline right now (probably means I have to throw a lot of stuff out ... or, rather, DH does) but I have definitely considered one! I've had to confiscate jump ropes so many times, we don't have any in the house anymore, but I should probably get some new ones to have on-hand in out-of-reach spots.

    Regarding the mess: I really tried my best to make DD help with the cleanup but she wasn't cooperating and, in fact, was beginning to act out about it which made the whole situation much worse. I did apologize that we couldn't stay to clean up.

    Quote Originally Posted by westwoodmom04 View Post
    A kid that isn’t ready for team sports at 5 or 6 may be at an older age. Does your school offer Girls on the Run? Running or even going for a long walk on a daily basis can help.
    I usually agree that a kid who's not ready at 5 or 6 can be ready at 8 or 9 or 10, but I still don't trust DD to not make my life miserable (because it absolutely WILL be my life) going to practices/games over the course of a sports season.

    There's Girls on the Run in our area, but it's not through school ... and it's a $200 fee that we simply don't have right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    We love our new judo class, it's been great for discipline and balance, and we wanted something year-round. It has some aspects of team and some of solo work. Or something like parkour or gymnastics?
    My nephews AT and AN take some kind of martial art, either Judo or Aikido (I forget which), at the recommendation of their OTs. There are a lot of dojos in our area, but I don't know the first thing about them.

    I have many thoughts & feelings about gymnastics, not the least of which is how it felt to be put into a Serious Gymnastics Gym when I was 8 and not enjoy classes or continue in the sport because the gym culture was so clique-y.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChicagoNDMom View Post
    OP, one thing that struck me was that S’s mom told you you DD had said/done violent things, but you did not want to ask about that. I would be greatly concerned if another adult told me that. I don’t know your DD’s story, but I would want to find out what she was referencing.
    Well, she has texted me about things DD has done in the past the same day they happened, so I really didn't think she would be bringing up anything new. We have addressed the behaviors with DD immediately after learning about them, but that doesn't mean anything we said stuck in DD's head. She definitely needs help learning not to make any kinds of threats, physical or otherwise, if she wants to make and keep friends.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  5. #15
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    KpbS is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    The workout videos are a great idea! Great way to get moving, non-weather dependent, free, and fun to do together.
    K

  6. #16
    squimp is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Track is a great solo sport that burns off a lot of energy. Our Boys & Girls club here has a great program that is inexpensive, and it starts actually in Pre-K. The kids just need to be able to stand in line for the long jump. I think it's a great sport because it's very easy to enter, you don't need special equipment, there aren't many rules and you just do it. Spring is usually the start.

  7. #17
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    Just wanted to add--if you need to find items for soap making--go to Goodwill or whatever 2nd hand store you have. That is the perfect place to find cheap stuff that can be used for crafts only. Or try the dollar store.

    For sports--yes, try the Boys/Girls club or your county/city recreation departments. They are cheap and fun. Nothing wrong with solo sports!! What about geocaching? I paid $10 for the app and we would go to an area (the city cemetery had several caches and there were a bunch just in our neighborhood) and spend a few hours searching. I found little trinkets at the dollar store to leave in trade. That was some of the best $10 I ever spent!
    Last edited by StantonHyde; 01-18-2020 at 02:55 PM.
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  8. #18
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by StantonHyde View Post
    Just wanted to add--if you need to find items for soap making--go to Goodwill or whatever 2nd hand store you have. That is the perfect place to find cheap stuff that can be used for crafts only. Or try the dollar store.
    I have to check the second-hand store; there is one a few minutes' drive from our house. It's really tiny and kind of pings my anxiety (the air is really close in there and the windows are small), so I haven't really given it a fair shake.

    For sports--yes, try the Boys/Girls club or your county/city recreation departments. They are cheap and fun. Nothing wrong with solo sports!! What about geocaching? I paid $10 for the app and we would go to an area (the city cemetery had several caches and there were a bunch just in our neighborhood) and spend a few hours searching. I found little trinkets at the dollar store to leave in trade. That was some of the best $10 I ever spent!
    Sports are run by the PAL here and they feel really expensive compared to what I thought my family paid for rec sports when I was a kid.

    Geocaching is 100% worth it; if I get the app (my co-leader paid for one to use with our now-5th-graders last year) I can also use it for Scouts.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  9. #19
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    *sigh* Mini-update, and it's not positive.

    So, after figuring the girls would stay away from each other (my thought being that since S's mom texted me and said S and DD shouldn't hang for a while that she would have talked with S about that), they ... didn't. S continued to come up to DD over the past few weeks, passing notes (and if the one I read is anything like what S has been passing to DD, there are MANY unresolved issues), texting, and FaceTiming, which led me to believe that the kids had managed to find a way to patch things up and move forward, even if they weren't going to be besties or anything.

    On Friday, DD and S were outside for recess (the only time they interact during the school day because the classes are mixed for outdoor recess) and DD was trying to go through one of the play-structures' tunnels and S was inside.

    According to DD, S wouldn't move out of the tunnel & then made the comment "oh, there's the a$$hole" and DD got upset. DD wanted to move forward and S wasn't moving; then S said something like "well, why don't you punch me in the stomach" ... and DD did.

    Both girls were escorted to the Vice Principal's office, each alleging the other had used the "a$$hole" term, etc. S's mom and I were both called (individually) and I'm sure S's mom will talk with S about being sarcastic like that.

    I told the VP that the girls had been playing "Truth or Dare" over FaceTime earlier in the week, but they hadn't been daring each other to do anything particularly dangerous or harmful and I wondered if maybe this grew out of that. Unless she's pushed (emotionally or physically), DD doesn't really strike out at other kids at school, so I think this had been brewing a lot more intensely than I'd thought.

    As a result, I've deleted & blocked S's number from DD's Touch and both DH & I had separate chats with DD about leaving S the H3ll alone from now on.

    We kept DD home from school today because she was in serious need of a mental health day/re-set, and I will drive her to school tomorrow (this is a massive pain for me, but it's better that I give the girls more physical space at this point.)

    DD let slip that S had not only been passing notes but she'd also been passing a petition around her classroom saying negative things about DD. S has also been telling DD horror stories about being kidnapped on the way home from the bus stop; calling DD "weak"; and generally being cruel and insensitive.

    I've been patient and understanding because I know S has some actually-diagnosed mental health challenges, but this is, frankly, bullsh!t.

    I'm going to reach out to the therapist DD was seeing to see if we can get DD in for an appointment any time soon.

    During my chat with the vice principal, I reminded her that I'd reached out to DD's teacher, who has been working very hard to work with the school counselor to get DD some social skills classes (the current offerings don't seem to meet DD's particular challenges) so she can (maybe) start making new friends.

    My question at this point is whether or not I tell the vice principal about the notes and the survey that S was passing around. Admittedly, I have the word of my not-yet-10-year-old child, but ... I believe my kid because, based on my experience with S, the whole survey thing is really plausible.

    I'm freaking exhausted by this whole situation and it's bringing up my own social challenges from when I was DD's age.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  10. #20
    MSWR0319 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    *sigh* Mini-update, and it's not positive.

    So, after figuring the girls would stay away from each other (my thought being that since S's mom texted me and said S and DD shouldn't hang for a while that she would have talked with S about that), they ... didn't. S continued to come up to DD over the past few weeks, passing notes (and if the one I read is anything like what S has been passing to DD, there are MANY unresolved issues), texting, and FaceTiming, which led me to believe that the kids had managed to find a way to patch things up and move forward, even if they weren't going to be besties or anything.

    On Friday, DD and S were outside for recess (the only time they interact during the school day because the classes are mixed for outdoor recess) and DD was trying to go through one of the play-structures' tunnels and S was inside.

    According to DD, S wouldn't move out of the tunnel & then made the comment "oh, there's the a$$hole" and DD got upset. DD wanted to move forward and S wasn't moving; then S said something like "well, why don't you punch me in the stomach" ... and DD did.

    Both girls were escorted to the Vice Principal's office, each alleging the other had used the "a$$hole" term, etc. S's mom and I were both called (individually) and I'm sure S's mom will talk with S about being sarcastic like that.

    I told the VP that the girls had been playing "Truth or Dare" over FaceTime earlier in the week, but they hadn't been daring each other to do anything particularly dangerous or harmful and I wondered if maybe this grew out of that. Unless she's pushed (emotionally or physically), DD doesn't really strike out at other kids at school, so I think this had been brewing a lot more intensely than I'd thought.

    As a result, I've deleted & blocked S's number from DD's Touch and both DH & I had separate chats with DD about leaving S the H3ll alone from now on.

    We kept DD home from school today because she was in serious need of a mental health day/re-set, and I will drive her to school tomorrow (this is a massive pain for me, but it's better that I give the girls more physical space at this point.)

    DD let slip that S had not only been passing notes but she'd also been passing a petition around her classroom saying negative things about DD. S has also been telling DD horror stories about being kidnapped on the way home from the bus stop; calling DD "weak"; and generally being cruel and insensitive.

    I've been patient and understanding because I know S has some actually-diagnosed mental health challenges, but this is, frankly, bullsh!t.

    I'm going to reach out to the therapist DD was seeing to see if we can get DD in for an appointment any time soon.

    During my chat with the vice principal, I reminded her that I'd reached out to DD's teacher, who has been working very hard to work with the school counselor to get DD some social skills classes (the current offerings don't seem to meet DD's particular challenges) so she can (maybe) start making new friends.

    My question at this point is whether or not I tell the vice principal about the notes and the survey that S was passing around. Admittedly, I have the word of my not-yet-10-year-old child, but ... I believe my kid because, based on my experience with S, the whole survey thing is really plausible.

    I'm freaking exhausted by this whole situation and it's bringing up my own social challenges from when I was DD's age.
    I feel like you need to bring it up with someone at the school unless you don't think it's a trigger for your DD. It sounds to me that S is intentionally triggering your DD and knows that she will react like that.

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