DD's First Friend Breakup - What Else Should I Be Doing to Help Her Through?

[mommy111]

Tell the principal and cut off all contact with S. At this point, S’s mom needs to keep her away from your DD but her inability to do so means you will have to protect DD
Also invariably, the child who hits will be found at fault regardless of trigger which is why important to keep your kid away from S who knows how to push her buttons and then make herself the victim
(Ask me how I know: my sister once BIT my cousin because she was so annoying. I swear she grew up to be a genuinely nice and amazing person though. Cousin just knew how to push her buttons )

[lizzywednesday]

I feel like you need to bring it up with someone at the school unless you don't think it's a trigger for your DD. It sounds to me that S is intentionally triggering your DD and knows that she will react like that.

That's basically my conclusion; I just wanted to know if I was overreacting because of my own issues from childhood (where I felt undefended and unsupported because there was no reporting structure and most of it was under the radar) and it doesn't sound like I am.

[lizzywednesday]

Tell the principal and cut off all contact with S. At this point, S’s mom needs to keep her away from your DD but her inability to do so means you will have to protect DD

Yes, I think this is the way to go. The vice principal has offered to help DD stay away from S on outdoor recess days (the days when the classes mingle) with other activities, etc., to keep DD engaged, so I feel supported and positive that this can happen.

But, at the same time, the notes and other kid-BS that's going on (and escalating to social exclusion, etc.) is something I desperately need the school to be aware of.

Also invariably, the child who hits will be found at fault regardless of trigger which is why important to keep your kid away from S who knows how to push her buttons and then make herself the victim ...

I agree so much with this, which is why I was willing to drive DD to school. Tomorrow, I'll put her on the bus, but today we drove.

[KpbS]

Yes, these incidents in between kids are very hard to verify and oftentimes the hurt child has to "prove" wrong doing by the other child. Additionally it is very difficult for the adults in authority to monitor these unstructured, unsupervised times like on the bus, before and after school, at recess, lining up, etc. Even if they are fully committed to helping, they are physically unable to supervise all of the times.

My child was in a situation as a very young child and the school flat out told us, no, we cannot assure DC's safety during these times. It was a very serious situation and needed to remove DC from the school to insure DC was safe.

[lizzywednesday]

Yes, these incidents in between kids are very hard to verify and oftentimes the hurt child has to "prove" wrong doing by the other child. Additionally it is very difficult for the adults in authority to monitor these unstructured, unsupervised times like on the bus, before and after school, at recess, lining up, etc. Even if they are fully committed to helping, they are physically unable to supervise all of the times.

...

Fortunately, the kids are not in the same section of their grade (I think there are 5 or 6 sections) so it's only at lunch/outdoor recess and on the bus where they're in close proximity to each other. The vice principal has reassured me that an adult staff member has been assigned to keep the girls separated during lunch & outdoor recess periods, and someone is assigned to keep them apart on the bus (their seats have been changed.)

I also emailed the vice principal with the information about the note-passing and the survey, and have offered to send any messages from DD's iPod to the school counselor, who will be conducting an HIB investigation.

ETA: Spoke with both the vice principal and the school counselor today about the note-passing, petition-signing, and text/video messaging. Will have to go through the iPod and forward video & text messages to the counselor that might be relevant. While it'll be a lot of work, I'm content the school is taking this seriously.