My Ds1 is 16yo and Ds2 is 14yo. My boys have approached me with numerous questions and we have had a lot of conversations about this recently, particularly with my 16yo and to a milder extent my 14yo. Neither of them have serious girlfriends yet so we aren’t quite where you and your Ds are yet. There has been a lot of discussion about seeing girls as women and people with feelings, not as objects. Women aren’t there for them to get off. Sex if done right should be about 2 people sharing something. In today’s world there is a lot of emphasis on “whatever makes YOU feel good,” but that can cause men (and women) to see their partners as objects. That discussion can go on for quite a while.
We also discussed the reason for sex. Yes, it’s suppose to feel good (because which humans would want to do that if it didn’t feel good?!) but it’s also suppose to create life. At 16yo boys/men feel powerful urges to have sex because it will help keep the human race going. Having sex is serious stuff, it’s no joke. Humans’ brains aren’t fully developed until they are about 24yo. What is the chance that he is making a rational decision or one resulting from hormones? How would he feel if he created a life? Is he ready to take care of another human? Does he realize that legally he could be responsible for that?
We discussed the legal ramifications of having sex. If the girl misunderstands or changes her mind at the last second, he has to stop or it could be considered rape. If she becomes pregnant and decides to have the baby, he will have to pay for the child until he is 18. The mother might let him be part of the child’s life or might hinder that. He could at the age of 16 become completely responsible to that child if something happens to the mother. The mother might choose to kill her unborn child. Or she may be pushed to do it by her parents even if he and the girlfriend want it. Is he ready for all of that?
Then there is the physical possibilities. Many serious diseases are sexually transmitted. Can he be sure she doesn’t have one? How is he sure? All it takes is one sexual encounter to get numerous serious diseases.
These are just some if the things we have talked about. My boys right now realize how serious it is and agree that they are not ready for that. Just with honest talk and examples, I think i have them scared to death of getting someone pregnant. Of course, once they start to seriously date all of this talk will have to get racheted up a few notches. Best of luck.
Last edited by gatorsmom; 02-10-2020 at 08:37 PM.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.