DD is making us nuts

[Chitowngirl]

DD is 2.5. She basically screams/has a temper tantrum every time she doesn't get her way. For example, if she wants candy, it does't matter what you say she will just scream her head off and not be distracted. You san say"no" or"you can have some after dinner" or "lets have some fruit now and save the candy" or "you just had ice cream, are you really still hungry" or any of a million different things. We never give in so its not like she is being rewarded for this behavior so in some ways its puzzling why the behavior is just SO persistent. The candy is just an example - it can be anything she wants in the moment be it go to the park, or take a bath, or read a book, ect. If she doesn't get what she wants that very moment, she goes nuts. Please give me some tips to help with this as it is just so difficult to deal with and it seems to be getting worse not better.

[marymoo86]

I highly recommend "Unruffled" by Janet Lansbury.

Not sure what to tell you but it's the age and start of "toddler testing." Janet does a great job of understanding why this behavior existed and how to hold firm, but respectful boundaries.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Giver her 2 choices of things- both of which are acceptable to you. They like to feel like they have any control.


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[Smillow]

Try to acknowledge her feelings. Tell her that you understand that she wants candy and that she doesn't like not getting to have any right now and that it is making her feel angry. She will eventually learn how to control her reaction, but right now you can help her voice her feelings into words, let her know that she is being heard and give her permission to feel her feelings.

[gymnbomb]

Giver her 2 choices of things- both of which are acceptable to you. They like to feel like they have any control.


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Mine is that age and loudly exclaims “NO!” to both choices. If I ask if she wants peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese for lunch, she throws a fit about both. Then after sulking for a few minutes she eats her peanut butter and jelly and also begs for my grilled cheese.... I just look at my fabulous 6 year old and remind myself that this, too, will pass. But some days it is so hard to not snap at her.


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[almostmom]

My DD was like that. She's still challenging at 14! But then, and now, I had to ignore her behavior. When she was 2.5, it sometimes meant her writhing on the floor and me walking away, just making sure she was safe. She could stay in a tantrum for a long long time. As she's gotten older, her much less physical but still angry tantrums last much shorter. I just have to walk away and not engage with her when she's like that. Not giver her my emotion. She snaps out of it. But it is not fun. DS, who is 2 years older, has always been so easy and has never in his life had a tantrum or reacted to something I said by falling down on the floor or crying or yelling at me. She has done all of these things many times. So I've seen both sides. Luckily, they love each other, but I don't know how he deals with her sometimes!

[sadbunny]

Try to acknowledge her feelings. Tell her that you understand that she wants candy and that she doesn't like not getting to have any right now and that it is making her feel angry. She will eventually learn how to control her reaction, but right now you can help her voice her feelings into words, let her know that she is being heard and give her permission to feel her feelings.

My daughter has always been strong willed this way too, and as she's matured, she's learned to shorten her tantrums and gotten over them (a little!) faster. We've had to work on her identifying her anger but when she has fits, all we can do is a time out for her to cool down. I think it's just part of her character. On the plus side to encourage you, it's this perseverance that's let her learn how to ride a bike at 4yo. And just think, she won't be pushed around when she's older.