Family trips with teenagers?

[ourbabygirl]

I'm wondering how to manage family trips when our kids become teenagers. They get bored and fight with one another when it's just our immediate family on a trip. Do any of you invite their friends along on trips, to keep the peace a bit more? Do you avoid family trips to avoid drama? Or do your teenagers not even want to take trips with you, and do you allow them to take trips with their friends and their families? I remember my brother taking a cruise over Spring Break in high school with his friends... I'm kind of worried about the party and alcohol scene when my own kids are in high school, especially if they're on a trip with friends.

How do you handle trips with teenagers? Are there certain places that work best for their interests and energy level? I'm trying to figure out destinations for the limited number of years we have left with our oldest, and realizing I may need to rethink who would be going!

Thanks for your input!

[SnuggleBuggles]

On occasion, ds1 has stayed home while we went away (just 1-2 nights and grandma checked in or stayed with him). But, he only missed the trips because he had school activities. Otherwise, he’s happy to come on trips. We never invite friends as we are in a sweet spot for hotels with just 4 people. We often do road trips too and another person wouldn’t easily fit. Finally, I don’t want another kiddo around as there’s at least a chance my 2 will hang together. Add a friend into the mix and that becomes quite doubtful. Had this actually been a problem for you or are you just anticipating one? Don’t invite drama or trouble. Could be a total non issue!!

Eta- mine just want to chill at the beach. They are so busy maintaining good grades in being in a ton of activities that they want to **vacation** not take a trip. Ds1 went to Europe with his high school though and enjoyed it. But the beach is where mine will always pick as opposed to cities or national parks.

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[Philly Mom]

I don't have teenagers but I was one. I agree with SB for the most part. I went on vacations with a couple friends. I never loved it. I brought a friend a couple times when my brothers weren't around and that was nice, but if my brothers were there, I preferred family vacations. We liked to ski, and travel in new cities. We went to europe and asia. I am sure we fought but I loved these trips.

[mom2binsd]

I'm not sure how old your kids are, or the age difference. Mine are 2.5 years apart (16 and 14 now), and we don't "vacation" much really. They LOVE our road trips each year to visit my family, it's a 15 hr car ride (I drive due to cost of flights/inaccessability of where we live and where we are going and the need for a vehicle when we get there). We only go once a year in the summer (and spend our time at cottages and doing low key things) and they have learned to love the car trip and generally sleep/watch movies etc. DD is now old enough to help me drive. We have done Spring break twice (they were thrilled to go somewhere warm). Again we drove 16 hrs to Florida. They were content to swim/go for walks/hang out and were old enough to go grab ice cream on their own etc.

Taking a friend wouldn't have worked for the Florida trip as we stayed in a small motel room. Plus, I agree, I don't want to take another kid along, and mine get along just fine. We don't do amusement parks/museums etc, mostly just visiting family etc and being at a lake or in Florida at the beach or pool (the thought of Disney does not appeal to any of us). My kids are pretty chill, they like to be outside doing things, and are good at entertaining themselves. They are not used to being "entertained" but rather are independent and play with their friends without too much interference or planning from me, even when they were younger. They fight like all siblings but generally get along. They share similar interests which helps.

It sounds like you may be more worried than you need to be? I have a friend who has an only child and they have always brought a friend, but they are also super wealthy and cost is not an issue and it is nice for their child to have a friend to hang out with. Most of our friends with teens and siblings don't bring friends as a rule on vacations.

[SASM]

I love our family vacations. Yes, my kids (ages 12, 15, and 17) fight but they also get along a lot more so than at home. Vacations are when we bond, make memories, and leave the daily stressors behind. I plan on taking my children as long as they are interested in joining us, even when they are in college. We just recently brought my 15yo DD's friend (long story but good reason) along on an extended weekend to Universal Studios/Orlando. That was NOT fun drama coming from the 12yo. Not sure if we'll bring a friend along on a lengthy vacation...it just gets very expensive and the bonding isn't quite the same...dynamics change. I do have friends who bring a bunch of friends along...that just isn't my jam. As much as my children would love to each have a friend, it is no longer a family vacation at that point.

[StantonHyde]

While my kids snarl at each other at home, they behave well on vacation. They are now a freshman and sophomore in HS. This year, and from hence forth, their spring breaks won't coincide. So this year, we are taking a 2 week trip to Scotland in June vs. spring break. They are very excited. The next 2years, spring break will be spent looking at colleges. Summers aren't a good option because DH can't really take off then-its trauma season and the ER is really busy. Plus the kids with jobs etc, it doesn't work so well. For Fall Break this year, DS said he didnt' want to go, so DD invited a friend and we had a nice time. I paid for her lodging and food etc--she was cheaper than a 17 year old boy!!!

[essnce629]

I love our family vacations. Yes, my kids (ages 12, 15, and 17) fight but they also get along a lot more so than at home. Vacations are when we bond, make memories, and leave the daily stressors behind. I plan on taking my children as long as they are interested in joining us, even when they are in college.

Same. My boys are 16 and 10 (11th and 5th grade). Vacations are stressful in the lead up because there's so much planning and I'm always in charge of the itinerary, but once we're at our destination we always seem to have a great time. I'd love a relaxing mellow tropical vacation, but because of DS1's severe eczema he's not wanted to vacation anywhere where he has to be wet the majority of the time. So we haven't done a real beach vacation in a few years. He's been on a new eczema biologic that's done wonders for his skin so I'm hoping to maybe do a beach vacation when he graduates next year. So basically over the past few years we've done very active, go go go, vacations-- New Orleans, Seattle, Vancouver/Victoria, Tokyo, and Vietnam. We do go to Palm Desert at least twice a year since it's so close and we've let DS1 stay back with my mom since it basically involves 100+ degree weather and being in the pool the whole time, which is just not comfortable for him. This year and last year both boys' spring breaks didn't line up so we weren't able to take a spring break family trip. For DS1's spring break this year he and I are heading to Washington and Oregon to tour colleges. Over summer, we'll probably head to Colorado to visit schools there.

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[carolinamama]

My kids are still on the younger side (14, 11, 8) but we find that avoiding too much downtime keeps our vacations as bicker-free as possible. We stay active, exploring new cities or finding local activities. One or two beach days would be our limit for sure. Everyone bonds and gets along better away from "life". We have a boat and take kids' friends out on the lake all summer long. But our family vacations are sacred to us as a family and I don't foresee many involving friends in the near future.

[mmsmom]

When I was younger it was common for kids to take friends on beach vacations. I took friends on some other driving trips as well. We traveled often and did not take friends to places that required flights.

My kids are middle school aged and generally well behaved and get along. They also love to travel. I am ok with bringing friends when it make sense.

I spoke to a friend recently with 5 kids in a blended family and she said their last trip was miserable... kids only wanted to be on phones which they limited to 1 hour in the morning, fought, said they were bored and they generally felt did not appreciate being on a trip. She said they were thinking about skipping vacation this year but the kids really want to go, so clearly their version of fun is different than ours sometimes.

[squimp]

When I was younger it was common for kids to take friends on beach vacations.

Yes, I did too. My DD has been on several trips with her BFF and BFF's brother. I think it keeps the peace. Do it if you can.

But if not, I would not be beyond forcing the kids to just be together and get along. The time goes so quickly and they won't be teens for long. Maybe you can divide and conquer with DH taking one and you taking the other somewhere if they get super grumpy. I also let my DD plan stuff - have them get together with the guide books or internet and plan a day so they can do things they want to do.