Middle school and significant others

[elbert]

DD is in 7th grade and is not traveling with a particularly “fast” crowd (they’re a relatively nerdy group...which they’re happy about and have steered clear of the typical middle school drama surrounding that). That said, it seems like just recently, multiple friends have gotten involved with significant others.

I know that some kids here were dating years ago, but it surprised me that this group has started to, as well. Is this typical timing for the non-precocious set? I honestly can’t see DD going down that path anytime soon, partly because of some recent physical issues she’s dealing with.

One of the things I wasn’t prepared for is talking about when friends are in new relationships, the impact that has on a friendship, and how to negotiate all of that. I feel like it all snuck up on me!


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[georgiegirl]

Dd is in 8th grade and some of her friends have boyfriends. She doesn’t. She still thinks boys are annoying. She’s not nerdy at all...decently cool and sporty, but not super popular or mean girl. She’s very close with her friends from swim team, and most social interactions are still single sex. She has gone to a few birthday parties with boys and girls. I did see her chatting with boys at the state swim meet this weekend. Her friend who have boyfriends...it’s mostly a texting relationship. She does have one friend who is a year older (freshman) who has a 17 year old boyfriend , and DD thinks that’s gross. There was some drama with two of her friends liking the same boy and I told DD that girls/people often make bad decisions when they like a boy/someone, and it doesn’t mean they are a bad person or a bad friend. It’s just that they are temporarily insane because of their crush.

[StantonHyde]

Yep, this totally happened to my kids--both nerds. It can really wreck havoc on friendships. It's a hard place to be, sorry.

[klwa]

Sounds like about the right ago based on what I remember and what I've seen with my nieces/nephews. DS has definitely had a few crushes and I've seen girls who were crushing on him, it's just never hit at the same moment for everyone.

[dogmom]

What a remember about middle school dating with my oldest (he didn’t, solve friends did) was a lot of texting, group get togethers, and no real “dating”. I think that is more common. You might want to find out what this “dating” consists of if you are interested. Or just ignore it.

No, let me tell you about dating as a Junior in HS....seriously he’s 17, 6-2, very mature, all the sudden I feel like I’m giving him advice like I would to a younger colleague!

[SnuggleBuggles]

My 6th grader says some kids have started dating. And he clearly thinks they’re nuts.


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[belovedgandp]

Lots of texting seems to be the main way they define having a middle school boy/girl friend. My boys (10th and 7th) talk about a few friends dating each other. But no one terribly close to them was ever involved and they viewed it as a spectator thing.

My favorite line ever from my 16YO was at the beginning of 8th grade - "Dating in 8th grade is dumb. It only lasts two weeks."

[wendibird22]

Dd is in 8th grade and some of her friends have boyfriends. She doesn’t. She still thinks boys are annoying. She’s not nerdy at all...decently cool and sporty, but not super popular or mean girl. She’s very close with her friends from swim team, and most social interactions are still single sex. She has gone to a few birthday parties with boys and girls. I did see her chatting with boys at the state swim meet this weekend. Her friend who have boyfriends...it’s mostly a texting relationship. She does have one friend who is a year older (freshman) who has a 17 year old boyfriend , and DD thinks that’s gross. There was some drama with two of her friends liking the same boy and I told DD that girls/people often make bad decisions when they like a boy/someone, and it doesn’t mean they are a bad person or a bad friend. It’s just that they are temporarily insane because of their crush.

Similar situation here. DD is in 7th. At least one friend had a BF late last year and into the summer. She gave him a scrunchie. When they broke up he gave it back. It's mostly a text/snapchat/instagram "relationship" though because it's super small town I know some of the significant others hang out or walk to each others' houses. My DD isn't at all interested. What I did notice is that those with BFs are the girls with older girl siblings. They seem to get the notion of dating younger because they see it with their older sisters.

ETA: I know I was "dating" in junior high. I can remember going to see movies with boys and passing notes back and forth.

[elbenn]

My 6th grader says some kids have started dating. And he clearly thinks they’re nuts.


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My 7th and 5th graders feel the same. DD (5th grade) couldn't believe that boys in her grade were bringing girls necklaces, bracelets, and flowers for Valentines Day! I will say that the kids around here who "date" young seem to be the popular crowd. Since being popular seems to be something that most popular kids try really hard to be (at least based on my observations at school events and volunteering at school), I wonder if the same mindset that makes them want to be popular also makes them want to date earlier--those being the kids that want to grow up faster.

[smilequeen]

When my oldest was in 7th grade, I was shocked how many girls were texting him all the time. For one, he goes to an all boys school! He's had a couple of "girlfriends" . They mostly text, but he's also hung out at the mall or one of the girls had parents who would have a group over. I met and talked to them and felt comfortable. Recently he has started texting/hanging out with another girl (he's a freshman now). At this point, I just insist on meeting the parents when they are going to hang out at home.

My current 7th grader has zero interest in girls yet.

We are learning as we go. My husband and I were both really nerdy in MS/HS and didn't really date. Our oldest is so different. Our middle is more like we were