Middle school and significant others

[carolinamama]

My oldest is in 8th grade and currently has his first "girlfriend". While I didn't know her before last week, she is part of his larger friend group so I know a few of her friends from our neighborhood. They mostly text and facetime but hung out at her house in a group last week. I met her mom and made sure parents would be home. I'm definitely learning as we go.

DS1 has always been on the nerdy side and kinda socially awkward.....until recently. He's still keeping his grades up and has the right focus but his phone has gone from sitting dead in his backpack to in use and he wants to be with friends over hanging out at home much more often. It's probably all developmentally appropriate but that doesn't mean I have to like it!! There seems to be a spectrum at this age. Just last year DS1 couldn't understand how one of his friends could be upset that his crush didn't have the same feelings. Oh, how things have changed quickly.

[KpbS]

I think middle school "relationships" are for the birds and have told my kids as much. I'm all for them having friends and a friend group, but I've told my kids they are too young to date and that is something for the later part of high school if they are emotionally ready/mature then.

[Melaine]

My girls are 7th and pretty mature for their age and their friends for the most part are not “dating”. I honestly think it’s beyond ridiculous when kids are at this age. If you can’t drive you can’t date. My kids also do not have phones so they will have to be satisfied with face to face interactions for the foreseeable future.
when a mom says her middle schooler has a SO I laugh in her face because I think the parents should be nipping it in the bud. It doesn’t lead to anything good. Ever.

[Tenasparkl]

My 6th grade daughter got a secret admirer note on Valentine's Day and pretty quickly found out who it was from. After several more notes from the boy she wrote him a note back saying that it was flattering, but she thought they were too young. I think if it was a different kid she might not have had the same response, but I'm thankful that this first "thing" was pretty uneventful.

[gatorsmom]

My 14 yo has a “girlfriend” which to him means a friend he texts with and tells her she looks pretty and sometimes holds her hand. He doesn’t hang out with her on the weekends or any other time really, because he’s too busy doing other stuff he wants to do. She tolerates that, I guess. But he’s careful to spend most of his time with his friends so I don’t think it’s affected his friendships. None of my other kids care yet about dating.

I will say though, that last year DS’ friend had a girlfriend and only wanted to spend his time with his girlfriend. He totally ditched his friends or belittled them in front of his girlfriend to make himself feel better. It hurt DS’s feelings a lot and he and his other friends slowly pulled away from the couple. They all talked about it at one point and agreed that dating someone can destroy friendships if you aren’t careful. I think it was an eyeopener for all of them.

[hellokitty]

I have all boys, so my experience is limited. My high schooler is so socially unaware, I doubt that he will date anyone during high school. My middle schooler is much more socially aware. He has had crushes before, and only one of his friends truly dates a girl and another friend "fake" dates a girl (supposedly she is sick of guys hitting on her, so he pretends to be her bf, even though they aren't really dating dating). He isn't interested in dating, he knows plenty of other kids who date and he says it's drama, lol. My 5th grader still thinks that girls are gross.

[anonomom]

From what I can tell in DD's school (she's in 8th), the kids most invested in "relationships" seem to be the "popular" crowd (though lord knows what makes these kids popular, as nobody outside of their tiny friend group appears to like them). The popular girls apparently all have boyfriends. DD and her friend group don't appear to be dating, but they expend a LOT of energy figuring out their sexual identities. That in itself has raised a whole host of issues.

DD does have one friend who disclosed that she started having sex the summer before 7th grade. It was a real tightrope act, making sure that DD knew that that behavior is totally inappropriate at 12 years old (!!!), but also not being judgmental of a kid who's pretty vulnerable.