Partial BP, does this bother you?

[NCGrandma]

In plenty of families, the "when will your husband be there" approach is an immediate way to be crossed off the list of potential successful bidders. All sorts of reasons why this is not a smart strategy.


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[hwin708]

No, because you said we and he responded to the we. That's appropriate.

I would just respond back with that works for me. If he actually responds with something like "And your husband, too?" (which would be crazy) then I would be annoyed and cross him off the list.

That being said, I am surprised to hear how many people say they have experienced this as part of a sales strategy for contractors. I am constantly renovating and remodeling, and there is no way that two of us are present for 95% of it. I have never once encountered a contractor expecting that. The schedules are just too unpredictable on their end for them to expect multiple people to be standing by. And my impression has always been that the female homeowner is the one most contractors deal with. There's even some jokey sign up at the flooring company that "No selections made by husbands will be processed without a note from wife."

[PZMommy]

No, because you said we and he responded to the we. That's appropriate.

I would just respond back with that works for me. If he actually responds with something like "And your husband, too?" (which would be crazy) then I would be annoyed and cross him off the list.

That being said, I am surprised to hear how many people say they have experienced this as part of a sales strategy for contractors. I am constantly renovating and remodeling, and there is no way that two of us are present for 95% of it. I have never once encountered a contractor expecting that. The schedules are just too unpredictable on their end for them to expect multiple people to be standing by. And my impression has always been that the female homeowner is the one most contractors deal with. There's even some jokey sign up at the flooring company that "No selections made by husbands will be processed without a note from wife."

We just did some renovations, and while we were both present when we interviewed the contractors, my husband made it clear that all design choices were going to be made by me, and I had the final say on everything. lol

[Melaine]

His wording “does that work for both of you?” To me it was pretty clear but I agree that I should give him the benefit of the doubt since I used the word “we”. I might tell him to not even bother coming to the door and just put the quote in the mailbox since we don’t to break our social distancing streak anyway!

[Melaine]

Usually that means they're going to do a hard sell and try to get you to sign a contract on the spot. They need both "decision makers" there in order for that to happen.

I just ignore them. We never sign a contract on the spot.

Yes I agree that’s usually the strategy. My husband says statistically with his company they have more sign ups when both decision makers are available....still like you said..... We would never sign up on the spot either.

[gobadgers]

I've been super annoyed by a similar experience with an HVAC company owner who came highly recommended. He had lots of condescending remarks in person too though and got promptly crossed off the list. But not before really making my blood boil!

On the flip side, we have been getting quotes for a major first floor remodel, and I started to appreciate the line that contractors have to walk - that's a major family decision and I kind of get why they need to make sure everyone is on the same page. Absolutely no excuse for an unsolicited 'show it to your husband' remark though. Barf.

If it's someone you think you might want to work with, I think I would just be very clear that you will be making the decisions and see how he reacts. If it's anything other than a respectful, 'got it', then he made it easy to cross him off the list.

[MMMommy]

It generally annoys me if people assume that my husband is the one who wants the information, needs to make the decision, is buying the car, etc. but if you used "we" in your request I can see where a reply asking if a time was convenient for both parties made sense. I would hold my judgment in this case until I had met with them.

Yes to this.

A funny similar (but opposite) story- DH and I were shopping for shoes for DH at Nordstrom in their men's shoe department many years ago. I was sitting there with DH, while the salesman was helping DH try shoes on. The entire time, the salesman directed all conversation about the shoes to ME, not DH. I thought that was quite funny. He didn't even look at or talk to DH. Only talked to me, as if I would be the one making the decision on which men's shoe to buy.

[essnce629]

It generally annoys me if people assume that my husband is the one who wants the information, needs to make the decision, is buying the car, etc. but if you used "we" in your request I can see where a reply asking if a time was convenient for both parties made sense. I would hold my judgment in this case until I had met with them.

I agree. If you hadn't mentioned "we" then yes it would be kinda annoying.

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[ett]

I agree. If you hadn't mentioned "we" then yes it would be kinda annoying.

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Same. If I'm talking to a contractor and use "we", then I'm talking about DH and myself, not the kids.

[bisous]

It doesn’t bother me. I guess I would assume (perhaps naively) that it would go the same way if the contractor was talking to my husband. I think it’s smart to make sure the plan is solid between a couple before proceeding. Construction is hard to backtrack on once started (i.e. hard to put that wall back, etc),