Working with spouse

[niccig]

I usually work alone, no one else on my campus does my job, so when I’m not with students, I’m in my room writing reports or doing paperwork in SILENCE. I text colleagues when I have a work related question. I’m moving all day usually and will have back to back groups then a chunk of time here and there for the quiet paperwork. I am friendly with other staff and do chat but it’s spread out throughout day.

DH works in office of 150, there’s 37 people in his section. When he’s trying to solve a work problem, he’ll go visit with a colleague, chat about other things, while mulling over the work problem.

Do you see the problem? He now only has ONE person he can go chat with!!


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[Melaine]

Ugh, yes, I definitely see the problem. We have the opposite situation. DH is an introvert, and is coming home from work completely drained, exhausted and more stressed than usual. I'm not getting out and doing the social things I usually do and am DESPERATE for socialization. He's having difficulty being patient with DS, who is going crazy with no friend-time. The girls seem ok for the most part, but DS and I are both very extroverted and this is making it difficult. DH is definitely grating on my nerves more than usual, which isn't fair to him because he is also stressed in a completely different way than I am. Plus his car just died, like died as a doornail so we'll be spending a ton of money. Also, it's his birthday this week and I have no gift or even an idea for any kind of gesture. This whole year has been the worst.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yep. My dh is a wandering chatter as well! Luckily I don’t have the technical know how to get too sucked in but sometimes it’d be nice if he just stayed put and let me work.


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[jgenie]

I feel your pain! DH wanders and then tries to engage DC or just stands around. DS2 is easily distracted and then tough to refocus and his work space is the kitchen. DH comes to the kitchen to make tea, throw something away or just stretch his legs and disrupts DS2’s work flow. I can’t tell DH to stay in his office but it would be great if he didn’t wander so much!

[PZMommy]

Hahaha! There is a reason my husband teaches summer school! Being stuck home together for weeks on end, may not end well. lol I'm used to teaching 5 yr olds who love to talk, so I chat all day, and drive him crazy! Throw in trying to teach my 10 year old with an attitude and an 8 yr old who thinks he is on summer vacation and we are having a whole lot of family fun here.

[StantonHyde]

Thank God DH is an introvert. I would lose my mind in your shoes. You are so not alone. I hear similar stories from many people. The worst is for introverts who work in hospitals---they need a goooooood 30 minutes when they come home. Yet they are married to extroverts who are working from home and only get to see one person a day. Honestly, I hate to think what the divorce rate is going to be after this!

[ahisma]

I feel your pain. My DH is similar. And while his job is meaningful, I have a hard time really caring about the things that he's raising as frustrations. I want silence to think. Desperately. We are super committed to staying at home, but I was very tempted to drive to the office yesterday, just so I could close the door and think.

[niccig]

I feel your pain. My DH is similar. And while his job is meaningful, I have a hard time really caring about the things that he's raising as frustrations. I want silence to think. Desperately. We are super committed to staying at home, but I was very tempted to drive to the office yesterday, just so I could close the door and think.

Yes it’s the silence I need. I’m very chatty, talk too much actually, but I like silence when I work. Today looked like it was improving. I work at the dining room table and he asked about putting TV on while he ate lunch, and he turned it off when he was done. He usually just leaves it playing and goes back to the office. He’s an editor so he’s always got noise playing either music or dialogue. He doesn’t work in silence. Then later, he’s trying to talk to me as I’m finishing up something so I wasn’t focused on him and missed what he said about going for a walk later and he got annoyed when he realized I didn’t listen. Dude, I’m trying to do many things at once. Think we need a rule that I need to stop to listen to see if I need to listen after all


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[newnana]

Oh boy. I'm so sorry and totally get it. We're lucky in that we've been working from home on and off together for the better part of 12 years. When we first started this we shared an office. We'd both be on conference calls and mad that the other person was talking. Or he'd look over and stare at me lovingly and I'd snap, "WHAT?!" We realized quickly we could not share and office and keep a marriage, so converted the spare room on another floor to my office. We both had to have doors and that is a do not pass go sign. When we moved, we knew we needed the ability to turn 2 rooms in 2 very different parts of the house into separate offices, just in case. Thank goodness we did, because just no. I'm not in the kitchen making lunch for you. I don't want to talk about what news you read while I was working. I'm rushing to another meeting and wanted 5 minutes to escape my office unadulterated. And don't ask me for a quickie with our kiddo 10 feet away. I'm working and parenting and thinking about dinner. Whew, I feel better, thanks for the bp! Hang in there. Lock yourself in the bathroom or work in the car in the garage if you have to. We have had many long conversations about what we really need from each other and still need reminders.

[California]

These are so funny to read! DH has always teased me that I will wander into a room and start conversations with him about the most random things. Well our DD1 is now doing the same thing. I'll be working on a project and DD will walk in and ask random questions, "What color do you think I should paint my toe nails?" Five minutes later, "I'm trying to decide... Should I wear this to my school zoom meeting? I have to do a report on a place connected to our ancestors. Do you think Croatia would be good? Actually, I'll do Ellis Island." Five minutes later..."It's so annoying, I haven't heard from my friend all day and we're supposed to do a Netflix video together tonight and do you think I should text her again? Or should I wait? I don't know. Text?"

All. Day. Long. Poor extroverts.