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  1. #11
    wallawala is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnnieW625 View Post
    As someone who works in workers compensation and sees people try to file claims all of the time for this kind of thing (employment ends due to some issue while there has been no report of any kind of injury) and often language is due to a miss communication I think your husband is doing the right thing. I also think he should extend the offer in writing just in case she does try to file or her daughter tries to file a claim on her behalf. It looks good on your husband that he is keeping the job for her.


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    This!! He should also document he the dates he paid her that she was not working. Our nanny from LAST YEAR filed for unemployment, and as we are her last employer it will affect our unemployement insurance rates (mandatory). Yay! She hasn't worked for us in 8 months, but since we are her last job, we are on the hook. It was a nasty "breakup" -she quit on the spot after working for us for a year, and I thought we were done. I wish I'd sent her a termination letter documenting her quitting for the records. She is still listing us as a reference for new nanny jobs. I just don't respond to the reference requests to keep us out of any interaction.

  2. #12
    bisous is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Your DH DEFINITELY did not do anything wrong. And I'm so sorry that this is stressful for him. I can tell you it is probably more stressful for her though. I can't imagine being in a position whereby you have to choose between being able to afford rent or food and being exposed to germs that will take your life. I think like a PP stated, this is hard for everyone right now. I think your DH's offer is more than fair and I also think documenting is a really good idea. I want to reiterate that you guys should not feel like you are doing anything wrong. Whether the daughter intended to convey disdain or passive aggressiveness or not, she is also expressing her disappointment in the situation that is also hard for them. But at the end of the day your DH already went above and beyond and there isn't any more that you can do at this time.

  3. #13
    almostmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I know this is bugging you, but I don't think she's laying it on thick. I would take that at face value that she was distraught. Just like your husband felt bad all night, so did she. Neither is in a winning position - she doesn't feel safe going to work (totally understandable), but doesn't want to lose her job (good employer, and money!). Your husband doesn't want to fire her, but needs a cleaner. I think he found a great solution, which is to save her job for when she is ready to return.
    This whole thing is difficult for everyone, on so many levels. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and don't blame her for text messages that aren't even hers. I'm sure it's stressful to think of not having an income moving forward. And hopefully when your husband first started paying her even though she wasn't working, she said thank you.

    Hang in there, breathe, and let this go. And hope your husband can find another cleaner--
    Liz

    DS 11/03
    DD 12/05

  4. #14
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by almostmom View Post
    I know this is bugging you, but I don't think she's laying it on thick. I would take that at face value that she was distraught. Just like your husband felt bad all night, so did she. Neither is in a winning position - she doesn't feel safe going to work (totally understandable), but doesn't want to lose her job (good employer, and money!). Your husband doesn't want to fire her, but needs a cleaner. I think he found a great solution, which is to save her job for when she is ready to return.
    This whole thing is difficult for everyone, on so many levels. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and don't blame her for text messages that aren't even hers. I'm sure it's stressful to think of not having an income moving forward. And hopefully when your husband first started paying her even though she wasn't working, she said thank you.

    Hang in there, breathe, and let this go. And hope your husband can find another cleaner--

    i think you are overreacting /overthinking this. you husband has gone above and beyond, not much else he can do. you cannot let your/his sense of guilt trump the circumstances other people are dealing with. i think y'all just need to give grace at these times. could the daughter have been more polite or appreciative in her reply? OF COURSE. But her reality and you/your DH's reality is not remotely the same, and i think you need to give some grace here. I think bisous put it very well - while you guys are bothered at someone possibly acting ungrateful, and your DH having to deal with finding a new cleaner - while on the other side, they are likely worried about loss of income and how to get food on the table without putting themselves at risk. maybe she has an elderly relative at home that is immunocompromised. Bottom line - while you are frustrated (and have every right to be, this situation is hard on everyone), remember that this it's not about you or your DH. your DH has done the best and most considerate thing in this situation, and that's enough.

    also: the whole texting the daughter thing - lots of things gets lost in translation, it's like a game of telephone. text is probably the worst way to infer things in these kinds of communications.

    eta: i have a DH that sounds similar to yours (very strong sense of what is right morally, agonizes over things liek this)- he was a university lecturer and would spend evenings fretting over certain situations students would find themselves in, and feeling so helpless about doing the right thing in the situation, if he did all he could, whether or not the student realized how much he had to do to help, etc.. e.g. students finding themselves in really bad situations due to COVID, DH trying to make arrangements/exceptions to help them, but then students still frustrated they still couldn't do x, y, z, going AWOL, or whatever. based on all this i would just say you just have to give grace and trust you/your DH did all you could and leave it at that. also- a reminder that kids in their early 20s , 1) grew up in a different era technology-wise, 2) their brains are still not developed yet and don't have the best communication style or way to show appreciation, especially in times of trauma. they often are going through very difficult/awful personal situations at home but don't have the maturity to explain it, or feel embarrassed doing so, especially to an authority figure like an employer or a professor. i honestly would never have realized this if not for the countless situations my DH found himself in with dealing with various student situations over the years.
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 05-16-2020 at 08:29 PM.

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