You can't expect to still get paid if you refuse to work!!!

[smiles33]

I'm feeling so annoyed and protective of my DH right now. Basically, DH is planning on reopening his orthodontic office as soon as the County confirms dentists are essential (our state already did, but the County is stricter). So he reached out to the woman who cleans his office once/week (on the weekend when no one is there). She's not tech-savvy so he usually texts her daughter (and the daughter texts him when her mom needs something, like extra garbage bags).

NOTE: DH has been paying the cleaner full pay during this 2+ month shutdown. That is a KEY fact. Most people are NOT getting full pay from the employer while sitting at home since she can't clean his office remotely. Anyhow, the daughter replies that her mom isn't comfortable returning to work and she understands if he has to hire someone else. DH replies with a long text saying he understands her concerns, he's nervous about the health risks to his family, too, and he's sad about ending their employment relationship, but he needs someone to clean his office. He explains that he has an obligation to his patients to reopen and make sure their treatment plans are on track. Not seeing the orthodontist for a few months can put them at risk.

The daughter texts back a curt reply about how she understands he has a duty to his patients, about how her mother is "so sad about this abrupt end" and promises to mail the office key back to him. If she hadn't used the word abrupt, I don't think DH would feel so terrible right now. It felt like a deliberate poke and an insinuation that DH did something wrong!

DH is now feeling so guilty and I know he isn't going to sleep well tonight. I'm so annoyed on his behalf. I tried to reassure him that the daughter was just being a little passive aggressive, but I know this is going to gnaw at him. He's a good man. He always tries to do what is right. This just SUCKS that her off-hand text is going to make him upset and stew over this for hours. That's the problem with text/email. Maybe she intended to be passive-aggressive, maybe she didn't.

Ugh. I guess I'll try to go to bed now since it's almost midnight and I still have to work from home tomorrow.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That sucks. Could be a miscommunication too which is even worse. Is there anyway to get the employee on the phone?


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[Liziz]

That totally sucks that your DH feels guilty. FWIW, I don't think there's anything passive aggressive or even ill-intentioned about using the word "abrupt". It's just reality. This is all abrupt. Two (or maybe three) months ago many of us were living our normal lives with ZERO idea what was about to hit us. Zero idea how our entire lives would shift to this quarantine-everywhere-is-dangerous-we-can't-even-send-kids-to-school mentality. Honestly, everything feels abrupt to me right now. My kids just ended school, a month early. No goodbyes, no last day festivities -- just doing video learning one day, and no school the next. Abrupt. Our vacation plans for the summer went from awesome to non-existent pretty much overnight. Abrupt.

For all you know, this cleaner feels super guilty right now -- guilty that she's "abruptly" abandoning your husband, who has been a great employer to her, because she doesn't feel safe working yet. She might feel terrible for taking his very generous pay over the past two months, and then not being willing to come back when he needs her. She might feel like she's "abruptly" abandoning him, and feel bad about it.

Anyways -- just wanted to frame it a little differently -- I really don't think your DH is doing ANYTHING wrong in this situation, and I honestly really don't think the cleaner/her daughter think he is, either. I'd hate for yall to be thinking negatively of them right now when it's unlikely they're thinking negatively of you.

[nfceagles]

I agree with previous poster. I wouldn’t read too much into this. I was waiting for the rest of the story before realizing the reference to an abrupt end was the issue. Hard times all around. I agree, she may feel terrible that she’s been accepting pay and suddenly won’t return to work. My guess is there is going to be a huge demand for cleaning services before long. Your DH will probably need a lot more than what she was doing before. Maybe he can tell her to check with him if she gets to the point where she would like to return to work.


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[Melaine]

I'm sorry. This is very frustrating. I would feel the same as you. I do think it's possible when she said Sorry for the abrupt end, she was expressing regret to drop her client abruptly, rather than the other way around. I think when communicating with a go-between there is a lot of room for misunderstanding, especially with text so I would try to assume the best. But for him to have paid her for this time and now have her quit, is honestly pretty unprofessional IMO. She should have been prepared for this and perhaps communicated ahead of time that she was uncomfortable returning. Accepting the money and then quitting is not honest.

[smiles33]

Thanks everyone. Perhaps we are overreacting and being too sensitive here. Yet my base feeling is that she wasn't very gracious in that reply text. I thought the daughter would say something more along the lines of, "I'm so sorry my mom isn't comfortable working and we appreciate your understanding. Thanks for all your support. We'll mail the key in." That would have acknowledged that DH isn't the asshole here and she appreciates him. Instead, the references to "yes, we understand you have a duty to your patients" and "my mom is so sad about this abrupt departure" make it sound to me like "we grudgingly accept that you're firing her because your patients are more important."

I don't think DH is going to call her, as there's nothing more to say. She decided she can't work right now, he's already said he has to look for someone new, and there's no way he's going to continue to pay her while he's paying a new person.

Anyway, now he has to find a new cleaning crew. This woman was recommended by another tenant in a neighboring unit in the same building. For the record, his staff cleans the patient operatory after every patient, so the weekly cleaner is more for general surfaces. Her role is emptying the garbage, mopping the floor, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. I agree he'll likely need a new crew who comes more than once/week, as I can't see his staff cleaning the bathroom daily and it likely needs that now.

Thanks for letting me vent. We'll see how DH is this morning (he's still in bed as he likely didn't sleep well).

[sariana]

My very paranoid self thinks your husband should look into changing the locks at his office.

I'm sorry that this happened. This whole situation has been so hard on everyone. :-(

[smiles33]

UPDATE: DH texted the daughter again to say he will keep the job open for the mom if/when she feels comfortable returning. He will let the replacement cleaning crew know they are temporarily filling in until she returns. I think he's being so overly nice about this, but he feels it's the right thing to do.

The daughter replied something to the effect of thank you because "my mom was extremely distraught last night at the loss of a long-time client." Isn't that laying it on thick? I still find that annoying but at this point I'm walking away from this. DH proposed a solution that he feels more comfortable with and I'm letting it go.

[AnnieW625]

UPDATE: DH texted the daughter again to say he will keep the job open for the mom if/when she feels comfortable returning. He will let the replacement cleaning crew know they are temporarily filling in until she returns. I think he's being so overly nice about this, but he feels it's the right thing to do.

The daughter replied something to the effect of thank you because "my mom was extremely distraught last night at the loss of a long-time client." Isn't that laying it on thick? I still find that annoying but at this point I'm walking away from this. DH proposed a solution that he feels more comfortable with and I'm letting it go.

As someone who works in workers compensation and sees people try to file claims all of the time for this kind of thing (employment ends due to some issue while there has been no report of any kind of injury) and often language is due to a miss communication I think your husband is doing the right thing. I also think he should extend the offer in writing just in case she does try to file or her daughter tries to file a claim on her behalf. It looks good on your husband that he is keeping the job for her.


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[niccig]

I think that’s a compromise your husband is happy with, especially if he’s been happy with her work. The pandemic has upended everyone. Some people are more at risk and can’t return to work as others can. If he insists on her returning and she gets ill, she could blame his insistence. It’s a tricky spot for all employers and employees.


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