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  1. #1
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default But NO Elephants ...!

    DD has been having a really rough time with all the COVID-19 lockdown, remote schooling, and social-distancing changes the state is requesting.

    Yesterday was her worst day since March. She was screaming, raging, crying, throwing things, getting clingy, slamming doors, and saying angry & hateful things ... just because I told her that she had to stop playing Run 3 and messing around with the digital drawings and actually DO her ELA and Math assignments.

    After FINALLY getting her to work on them - which took nearly 12 hours of fighting and tantruming and random driving in my car - DH started complaining about how I didn't direct her to talk about her feelings during her Google Meets with one of the school counselors (currently, the counselor is working on social skills) because DD spent the whole time talking about Pokemon ... and then he brings up that he wanted to get a dog. (BTW, he never told me he wanted to get a dog in the weeks before the official lockdown orders, although he has in the past expressed that he wanted a dog. This is baffling to me since I have never seen him interacting with the dogs his dog-owning family members have.)

    WHAT THE ACTUAL F^CK?

    So, not only would I have to deal with a tantruming child who cannot be trusted to do her schoolwork unless I check on her every few minutes, but I would also have to walk, feed, train, and otherwise supervise A F^CKING DOG?????

    Yes, DH, I said "no dog" not because I am mean and don't love you or our child, but it is because I do not have the mental energy to do more than I am doing and still keep it together.

    But, hey, sure, paint me as the bad guy because I said "no" to a dog that I don't want but would be my responsibility anyway.

    I mean, on the bright side, it's not like they're asking for an elephant, right?
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  2. #2
    Liziz is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Yeah, I'm a big believer in the fact that BOTH spouses need to be all on board before bringing home a pet, especially a dog! If you don't want a dog, definitely hold your ground. This is the perfect time to get a dog....IF you want one. It's just about the worst time if you don't really want one though!

    Sorry to hear it's been so tough with DD, too -- hope it gets better soon.
    Lizi

  3. #3
    mom2binsd is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I mean, really???? I have read about some of the things your DH has said to you and honestly, I think your response was nice.

    If you drink, please pour your self a glass of wine/vodka/whiskey or jump into your car BY YOURSELF and go to the DQ and get a large blizzard!!!!

    Hang in there, and I am sorry you are dealing with all this. Smart on the no dog, I can only imagine you having to do all the work. I think you get to have him deal with your DD or let the school know you need a break for a few days.

    Hugs mama!!!!

  4. #4
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liziz View Post
    Yeah, I'm a big believer in the fact that BOTH spouses need to be all on board before bringing home a pet, especially a dog!
    I am, too.

    Sorry to hear it's been so tough with DD, too -- hope it gets better soon.
    She's really a people-person, although her social skills leave a lot to be desired - her ADHD means that she has a lot of behaviors that aren't chronological-age appropriate and a lot of impulse-control issues, so she needs to learn more about interpersonal interactions, social cues, and how to hold a conversation that doesn't end up being one-sided. That's what I reached out to the counselor who's been working with me on her 504 about - the social skills. (Also, the fact that I am identifying a lot of support-needs that school INSISTS DD doesn't need. Oh no, she freakin' needs these supports and I am asking for all of them all summer, in writing, so stop trying to get me to discuss them on the phone.)

    Quote Originally Posted by mom2binsd View Post
    I mean, really???? I have read about some of the things your DH has said to you and honestly, I think your response was nice.
    In his defense, he is also a social critter like DD ... who has ADHD ... and he is extremely stir-crazy, bored, and he's had to listen to her rage/scream/cry/throw things/whatever else she does on a bad day. And he also hears me lose it with her. It's hard having all of us in the house right now. He's working upstairs, I'm managing DD downstairs, and nothing gets done if she doesn't cooperate.


    Hang in there, and I am sorry you are dealing with all this. Smart on the no dog, I can only imagine you having to do all the work. I think you get to have him deal with your DD or let the school know you need a break for a few days.

    Hugs mama!!!!
    Thanks. I send emails regularly to DD's teachers letting them know how she's doing, what I'm struggling with, what supports she needs/what supports I need, etc., and they have all been absolutely wonderful - extending deadlines, excusing undone work, whatever DD needs. I don't know how they do it.

    We're lucky - this week and next are short weeks because we didn't use any of our snow days, so the District gives them back to us over Memorial Day, so we are done for this week and have 5 days to reboot.

    Once June starts, teachers are planning to do "fun" stuff. None of them are teaching live, although there are weekly Google Meets with various teachers, including homeroom, so DD gets a little bit of social time during these sessions.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  5. #5
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I’ve said it before - your DH doesn’t know how lucky he is!

    Sorry your DD is having a hard time. I can so relate. See my math thread!! Hang in there - summer’s almost here!!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    DH started complaining about how I didn't direct her to talk about her feelings during her Google Meets with one of the school counselors (currently, the counselor is working on social skills) because DD spent the whole time talking about Pokemon ...
    Because he'd taken a vow of silence? Seriously, if he had thoughts on how things should go, speak up at the time. Don't tell you what *you* should have done after the fact.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  7. #7
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwinFoxes View Post
    Because he'd taken a vow of silence? Seriously, if he had thoughts on how things should go, speak up at the time. Don't tell you what *you* should have done after the fact.
    He was in another part of the house on a work call. I was in the shower because I am not going to attend a webconference with a school-district employee in my PJs, with greasy hair, and no bra. Showering was the best use of my time, TBH.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  8. #8
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    Sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time. The distance learning is almost over, and as you say June is more filled with fun interactions with her teachers. I also realize this is the bitching page, so feel free to take my advice any way you want.

    Next time she throws a fit like that over school work. Just don’t engage, just let it go and tell her she’s done for the day. All kids need a day or few days to just let go and not think or engage about school work, just like adults do. This new normal is hard and doubly hard on anyone with additional underlying needs. My youngest is in kindergarten, and there have been a day and more of him just melting down. When that happens, it’s over in that moment. Dh was like no he needs to continue etc and I explained to him on the importance of good mental health, which battle to pick & focus and this social sciences or writing portion *is* NOT the battle to go for.

    And I’m with you on the dog front, lastly! You will likely be the one to do all the work, stand firm. It’s tempting for your DH and DD, so I get it. Few people, i know are adopting puppies/dogs since everyone is home now! I volunteer at my town animal shelter, and we’re predicting a good percentage of puppies and dogs will be returned to shelters in 6-18 months from now, when people are bored with them, find too much work or back to resuming their insane busy lives without a dog.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    Mummy to DS1-6/11 and DS2-1/14

  9. #9
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by DualvansMommy View Post
    ..

    Next time she throws a fit like that over school work. Just don’t engage, just let it go and tell her she’s done for the day. All kids need a day or few days to just let go and not think or engage about school work, just like adults do. This new normal is hard and doubly hard on anyone with additional underlying needs. My youngest is in kindergarten, and there have been a day and more of him just melting down. When that happens, it’s over in that moment. Dh was like no he needs to continue etc and I explained to him on the importance of good mental health, which battle to pick & focus and this social sciences or writing portion *is* NOT the battle to go for.
    Ordinarily, I would agree, and have tried this before.

    So, when she initially refused to work, I sent her to her room and took my laptop away until she could calm down. Otherwise, she'd slam my keyboard and bend my screen in ways that made me worry it would be damaged or broken - and then neither of us would have the use of the laptop!

    The biggest problem with her refusing to work is the way things pile up because she will refuse to do the previous day's assignment as well as the current day's assignment ... and throwing another fit means she gets out of work for that day, too. Which is the whole point of her throwing the fit to begin with.


    And I’m with you on the dog front, lastly! You will likely be the one to do all the work, stand firm. It’s tempting for your DH and DD, so I get it. Few people, i know are adopting puppies/dogs since everyone is home now! I volunteer at my town animal shelter, and we’re predicting a good percentage of puppies and dogs will be returned to shelters in 6-18 months from now, when people are bored with them, find too much work or back to resuming their insane busy lives without a dog.
    I've been thinking about that, too - that people who adopted dogs now will return them in the next year or so after things go back to "normal" (whatever that might look like) and shelters will have different problems.

    I do not have the mental energy to manage DD and also deal with a dog. (Not to mention the fact that I am very much not a dog person.)
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  10. #10
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    Ordinarily, I would agree, and have tried this before.

    So, when she initially refused to work, I sent her to her room and took my laptop away until she could calm down. Otherwise, she'd slam my keyboard and bend my screen in ways that made me worry it would be damaged or broken - and then neither of us would have the use of the laptop!

    The biggest problem with her refusing to work is the way things pile up because she will refuse to do the previous day's assignment as well as the current day's assignment ... and throwing another fit means she gets out of work for that day, too. Which is the whole point of her throwing the fit to begin with.




    I've been thinking about that, too - that people who adopted dogs now will return them in the next year or so after things go back to "normal" (whatever that might look like) and shelters will have different problems.

    I do not have the mental energy to manage DD and also deal with a dog. (Not to mention the fact that I am very much not a dog person.)
    Oh my gosh. No dog! You do not need that kind of stress!

    Wow, all of that is so tough with the schooling. I can't even imagine 12 hours of wrangling over assignments. I applaud you for that heroic effort. Are you guys almost done? If this goes onto next year I think you should try to work out modified assignments for her that help focus on her whole well-being. It sounds like the school is aware of what she struggles with so they should be able to work with you?

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