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  1. #1
    basil is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default Whose kids are struggling?

    I feel like I see a lot of posts about kids who are just quite happy with being home and distance learning...this actually does for the most part describe my daughter.

    My son, on the other hand, is having a super rough time. He is really depressed and it is just so hard for him. I've written before that he's the extrovert, but always before a very happy kid. The kind of kid who high fives everyone on the team, who cheers the loudest, who plays the hardest. Even before COVID, a playdate would be a highlight of the month.

    And now...he is just different. He doesn't want to do anything, except play computer games/watch TV. Like a lot of people, we have liberalized screen time, so he gets a good several hours a day, even beyond the school work. But no matter how much he's played, asking him to step away is promptly met with a tantrum of slamming doors and tears. Asking him to do any school work or chores is worse.

    He doesn't want do things he used to enjoy. He doesn't want to go outside (it's either too hot or too cold), doesn't want to play on the playset, doesn't want to ride his bike. We bought them an electric scooter that he tried once or twice and now he doesn't like that either. He doesn't want to play soccer with DH in the yard. Doesn't want to practice playing baseball (he used to do this for HOURS). I downloaded Pokemon Go to try to draw him out a bit more but now he doesn't like that either.

    We've bought him so many books (used off ebay) that he will read the first few pages of then stop. He doesn't want to play board games or draw or paint or write. He doesn't want to do any type of online interaction with anyone. He told me he doesn't remember what his friends look like. He told me he didn't really care if he died.

    I don't think he is particularly anxious about coronavirus. He is just depressed and feels like he has nothing to look forward to. All my efforts to give him something to look forward to seem to fall flat. I don't have a real honest answer for him when he asks when he can see his friends again. I don't even have an answer as to when he can see his cousins again.

    We signed him up for camps in February, but I have no idea if they'll run or not.

    At this point, I would personally shake hands with 1000 COVID+ people and take my chances if he could play baseball with his friends.

    Anyone else out there with struggling kids?
    DS- 8/11
    DD- 5/14

  2. #2
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    Your poor DS. I bet there are more kids feeling this way than people discuss. Short answer, yes we are struggling. The novelty of distance learning and being home has long worn off and we are all realizing there is no proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. If you had asked this question last week, it would have been an even harder yes. The sun is out and that seems to help all of us.

    In our home, my boys are a bit older (11 and 14) but they definitely have their moments and I would flat out say that DS2 is depressed sometimes. DS1 shows his frustration with current life through anger. These kids have every right to feel that way after being cut off from their normal routine, friends and activities so abruptly. Does he have any friends you could set up an outdoor playdate with? We were so strict at first (and are still more so than our neighbors) but are allowing the kids to ride bikes, hang out, play basketball and outside games with friends now, asking them to stay 6 feet away but knowing they may not be perfect about it.

    Many may not agree with this approach but we require the boys to do certain things before screen time, including riding bikes and running. It gets them outside and gives them a sense of accomplishment. The improvement in mood is not miraculous but obvious. Last week DS2 didn't run because he hurt his foot somehow, it was raining and he was almost unbearable. DH has also "made" him head up to the soccer fields on particularly bad days to pass and shoot a bit. Again, we are having a good day right now so my response sounds better than it would have last week.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

  3. #3
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    oh, that sounds so hard for your son and your family. Have you reached out to someone to talk to him, therapist or counselor at school?

    I def thought DD was depressed during April. She was doing ok up until Easter, but she also was really making a big deal out of Easter (and we're not religious). Once Easter was over it was such a let down for her w/nothing to look forward to, although she had a bit of a rally for mother's day. Combined with some hiccups from her school/no assigned work to focus on and she kind of tail spinned in April, tantrums in her room, sleeping late, refusal to get dressed, etc.. During that time she went on 'zoom strike' refused to attend any virtual mtgs, even ones she had really enjoyed in earlier weeks. Refused to do her homework, yelled at me for putting her in the immersion school she's in. This is a kid who usually did her homework for the week on Monday during aftercare, always got high marks, received the 'most excited to learn in Spanish' award, etc.

    She's better now but I def don't see continued virtual learning as a viable route for her, esp with the Spanish, which she's kind of slacked off on, she does the work now but it feels like she's putting it the minimal effort compared to what she used to do. Video calls outside of the 2 her teacher runs a week are still touch and go. She still has outbursts and general lack of energy/enthusiasm for things she usually enjoys, much like you describe with your son. Right now the thing she does is explode at me if I'm trying to encourage her to keep at something, it's like she thinks I'm pushing too hard and I don't think I'm really pushing at all so . She walked a mile yesterday instead of riding her scooter out of protest directed at me.

    My DS has generally fared better emotionally but he's always been more independent socially - he's pretty happy to build legos and jam out to an audiobook in his room for hours on end, and even when he had playdates before all of this I was struck by how often it seemed he and his friend were playing independently. But I think his school work has suffered w/out the structure of the classroom, seeing other peers modeling being focused, etc. The only way I could imagine a virtual learning env working for him would be if there was a significant live video/classroom component.
    ~ Dawn
    Our little monkey (4/2011) & his early holiday present 12/12

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by basil View Post
    I feel like I see a lot of posts about kids who are just quite happy with being home and distance learning...this actually does for the most part describe my daughter.

    My son, on the other hand, is having a super rough time. He is really depressed and it is just so hard for him. I've written before that he's the extrovert, but always before a very happy kid. The kind of kid who high fives everyone on the team, who cheers the loudest, who plays the hardest. Even before COVID, a playdate would be a highlight of the month.

    And now...he is just different. He doesn't want to do anything, except play computer games/watch TV. Like a lot of people, we have liberalized screen time, so he gets a good several hours a day, even beyond the school work. But no matter how much he's played, asking him to step away is promptly met with a tantrum of slamming doors and tears. Asking him to do any school work or chores is worse.

    He doesn't want do things he used to enjoy. He doesn't want to go outside (it's either too hot or too cold), doesn't want to play on the playset, doesn't want to ride his bike. We bought them an electric scooter that he tried once or twice and now he doesn't like that either. He doesn't want to play soccer with DH in the yard. Doesn't want to practice playing baseball (he used to do this for HOURS). I downloaded Pokemon Go to try to draw him out a bit more but now he doesn't like that either.

    We've bought him so many books (used off ebay) that he will read the first few pages of then stop. He doesn't want to play board games or draw or paint or write. He doesn't want to do any type of online interaction with anyone. He told me he doesn't remember what his friends look like. He told me he didn't really care if he died.

    I don't think he is particularly anxious about coronavirus. He is just depressed and feels like he has nothing to look forward to. All my efforts to give him something to look forward to seem to fall flat. I don't have a real honest answer for him when he asks when he can see his friends again. I don't even have an answer as to when he can see his cousins again.

    We signed him up for camps in February, but I have no idea if they'll run or not.

    At this point, I would personally shake hands with 1000 COVID+ people and take my chances if he could play baseball with his friends.

    Anyone else out there with struggling kids?
    I feel like you read my mind on this post. My son is struggling so bad his psychiatrist put him on an antidepressant.

    What’s been worse is that when he reaches out to his friends and classmates, several of their families have given up on quarantine and are out there living life and socializing like it’s just another day.

    He sees everyone at the pool and is dying to go. This was his 5th grade year and the transition was already going to be hard for him, but now without all the end of year celebrations he was so looking forward to he had a very bleak outlook on life right now.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    ~Elle

    DS1: 10/08 (the “tenager”)
    DS2: 07/18 (the wild one)

  5. #5
    Liziz is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    My youngest is definitely struggling. It was okay in the beginning but now she's just really missing all her interactions with others. I think she's struggling too because she used to have several hours of "only kid" time, as she was in half-day school while older DD was in full-day school.

    We are not ready to give up on staying isolated -- just haven't seen any drop in case #s to support it -- but we have started doing our best to find ways to safely get out, to hopefully help DD (well, all of us, but she's struggling the most). I've started to find outside things that we can do while staying away from other people. Primarily going very early in the morning, as that's when places seem empty or so close to it that we can still avoid people. We've been walking nature trails, going to neighborhood parks (I only let the kids play if there is no one else there), kayaking, berry picking. It has been really helpful to at least be getting out of our own little neighborhood.

    I hate to hear that your DS and others are feeling this way, but I do think it's probably a very normal reaction to this situation. I have days that feel pretty bleak myself! We are just trying to do a lot of supportive talking, acknowledging emotions. Like a PP, even though we have more relaxed screen time rules right now, we too require things before screen time can begin. I agree that my kids attitudes are better off after they've been forced to be outside for awhile, even if they hated the fact I made them go out.
    Lizi

  6. #6
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by basil View Post
    ...

    My son, on the other hand, is having a super rough time. He is really depressed and it is just so hard for him. I've written before that he's the extrovert, but always before a very happy kid. The kind of kid who high fives everyone on the team, who cheers the loudest, who plays the hardest. Even before COVID, a playdate would be a highlight of the month.

    And now...he is just different. He doesn't want to do anything, except play computer games/watch TV. Like a lot of people, we have liberalized screen time, so he gets a good several hours a day, even beyond the school work. But no matter how much he's played, asking him to step away is promptly met with a tantrum of slamming doors and tears. Asking him to do any school work or chores is worse.

    He doesn't want do things he used to enjoy. He doesn't want to go outside (it's either too hot or too cold), doesn't want to play on the playset, doesn't want to ride his bike. We bought them an electric scooter that he tried once or twice and now he doesn't like that either. He doesn't want to play soccer with DH in the yard. Doesn't want to practice playing baseball (he used to do this for HOURS). I downloaded Pokemon Go to try to draw him out a bit more but now he doesn't like that either.

    ...

    I don't think he is particularly anxious about coronavirus. He is just depressed and feels like he has nothing to look forward to. All my efforts to give him something to look forward to seem to fall flat. I don't have a real honest answer for him when he asks when he can see his friends again. I don't even have an answer as to when he can see his cousins again.

    We signed him up for camps in February, but I have no idea if they'll run or not.

    ...

    Anyone else out there with struggling kids?
    Yes, this is DD.

    She has acted out, refused activities she previously enjoyed, has to be bribed to do even the bare minimum family activity, regressed in some ways, and copped an attitude about EVERYTHING.

    She misses her classmates.
    She misses her cousins.
    She misses her grandparents.
    She's sick of us.

    She does have tendencies toward anxiety, but no official diagnosis.

    We have asked for weekly sessions with the school counselor to work on/maintain the social skills and cues she's gained over the past year, paltry as they may be, because she's just too excited to see her classmates and troop members during video chats to remember that she's not the only person who's missing in-person interactions.

    I am hopeful that in-person summer camps will happen, as it's my understanding from the Director of Outdoor Activities & Camps at Council that they will do everything they possibly can to open in time for the first session, although DH has been very anxious about sending her on the bus.

    She will ride her bike, but we have to negotiate for every lap around the cul-de-sac ... it's really the worst.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  7. #7
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    It's hitting one of my DDs very hard. They're sixth graders, and they are missing out on a lot of things that they've looked forward to since kindergarten. Their birthday is around the corner, and normally their grandmother comes for that. Our pool would be open by now, and it's still closed. They miss their friends. My daughter who is expressing the most sadness really loves school, so she misses being there. She hates long distance learning. As a family we did a lot of activities, and now we just go on walks around the neighborhood. She was crying last night and saying how awful it is, and I just have to agree. It is awful. I do tell her things will get better.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  8. #8
    marinkitty is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Yes. My DD (a hs junior) is really struggling. She really needs the structure of a regular day, she loves school and her regular activities and all of her social interaction is focused around school and extracurriculars. Without it she has just floundered even though she is doing fine keeping up with e-learning. She has a million hobbies and spent the first few weeks engaging in all of them with the windfall of free time but as the weeks have gone by she is showing less and less interest in them and is more and more out of sorts. She has lost weight, isn't connecting with peers much anymore and is just lethargic much of the time. We decided to head to a vacation home we usually use as an income property, but that is empty now, this weekend for a couple of weeks mainly in hopes that a change of scene and more easily forced outdoor time will break this cycle. I just cannot interest her in a walk around our neighborhood anymore at this point and she has stopped riding the Peloton or doing a yoga class. If school is all remote next year I don't know what we will do!

  9. #9
    basil is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Today they cancelled the town Little League season for kids 10 and under.

    61 people in my state in my age group have died of COVID, out of 13,599 confirmed infections. That doesn't count the potential asymptomatic ones or all the ones we never tested early on. Still my rate of dying would be 0.44%, and probably way less since the denominator is clearly bigger.

    When I told him I had some disappointing news, he said "I know, Mommy, everything is disappointing lately" Then didn't eat dinner for the second night in a row, preferring to sit on the couch and stare at the wall.

    I'll take my chances with the virus to help my son feel better.
    DS- 8/11
    DD- 5/14

  10. #10
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    have you talked to his pediatrician?


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

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