Whose kids are struggling?

[georgiegirl]

My DD (14) struggled initially. She’s very social and used to swimming competitively year round. All of that went away instantly. The first month she sat around, ate a lot, and watched too much Netflix. What helped most with her was intense exercise and seeing friends in a socially distant way (taking bike rides and walks). She’s been able to lap swim for the past week (not with her team, but alone). And she seems back to normal now. I really think her body needs intense exercise on a daily basis to feel good. There were lots of tears initially but now she asks me to go on long walks all the time.

[bisous]

I just wanted to chime in because I read this title and I thought maybe I'd offer up what my DS3 is going through, but reading your description I think what you DS is experiencing sounds more severe. That really does scream out some kind of depression. I can see that you're taking it very seriously and knowing a little about your background I'm sure you'll look into every avenue. I just can't read without feeling so much heartache for all these kids that are having a hard time. You expressed it so well it is breathtaking.

The only thing I can offer is my own experience. I have four kids and all of them are different. They respond to different things and sometimes in very different ways! One thing that stood out to me was that you've allowed for unlimited screen time. While this may work fine for some kids, this is really bad for my kids. I don't know if you're in a position that you can limit screens or even if that's desirable. I work only part-time but screens have been needed in some moments just to get by and I'm sure your work load is much more strenuous than mine.

When this started, I allowed my DS3 who is 8 to have an hour of video gaming a day on the switch. This is way more than he usually gets but I figured he has to stay inside all the time! Might be a nice perk. We started noticing some behavior issues that were really disturbing. He was so upset about so many things and crying easily, etc. DH and I decided that as hard a conversation as it was going to be, he seemed to be doing much worse with the daily gaming.

We brought him into our room and explained that he'd go back to just an hour on Saturday. We thought we'd have a meltdown but surprisingly he immediately agreed to it. I think he kind of felt like he knew it would be better for him. He didn't resist at all.

I only share that because I think that some kids are more sensitive to screen time than others, depending on personality, age, etc. DS3 is one of those kids. Maybe some kind of regulation on screen time will help?

[westwoodmom04]

My kids are pretty done with the whole staying home thing, but they are older so I think it is a bit easier for them to deal with. Both are pretty social but Xbox has really made it easier for my son as he still interacts with his friends daily. My dd had been doing outdoor meet ups with her friends which has made a big difference, and since she is a teen, social media. Would it be possible for your son to have an outdoor play date with a friend?

That said, I don’t know how either of them will deal with any fall sports cancellations. Their club teams can start practicing now but no scrimmages, but school sports are important to them. My son also plays baseball, and seventy percent of the parents wanted to have an abbreviated summer season but the county refused them field access.

[Kestrel]

Ds is struggling with the social part of this mess. We moved in August to an acreage property, so he has not seen a live person other than DH & I since mid-March. As an only child, he's pretty isolated but very independent. I wish his schoolwork was more challenging and less silly time-fillers.

He really misses his judo - they are still not practicing until mid-June at least. I don't blame them - it's going to be a while before kids can grapple and there's only so much they can teach without it. I do hope they can at least start some of the conditioning exercise classes soon.

[basil]

I just wanted to chime in because I read this title and I thought maybe I'd offer up what my DS3 is going through, but reading your description I think what you DS is experiencing sounds more severe. That really does scream out some kind of depression. I can see that you're taking it very seriously and knowing a little about your background I'm sure you'll look into every avenue. I just can't read without feeling so much heartache for all these kids that are having a hard time. You expressed it so well it is breathtaking.

The only thing I can offer is my own experience. I have four kids and all of them are different. They respond to different things and sometimes in very different ways! One thing that stood out to me was that you've allowed for unlimited screen time. While this may work fine for some kids, this is really bad for my kids. I don't know if you're in a position that you can limit screens or even if that's desirable. I work only part-time but screens have been needed in some moments just to get by and I'm sure your work load is much more strenuous than mine.

When this started, I allowed my DS3 who is 8 to have an hour of video gaming a day on the switch. This is way more than he usually gets but I figured he has to stay inside all the time! Might be a nice perk. We started noticing some behavior issues that were really disturbing. He was so upset about so many things and crying easily, etc. DH and I decided that as hard a conversation as it was going to be, he seemed to be doing much worse with the daily gaming.

We brought him into our room and explained that he'd go back to just an hour on Saturday. We thought we'd have a meltdown but surprisingly he immediately agreed to it. I think he kind of felt like he knew it would be better for him. He didn't resist at all.

I only share that because I think that some kids are more sensitive to screen time than others, depending on personality, age, etc. DS3 is one of those kids. Maybe some kind of regulation on screen time will help?

Thanks, yes, the computer games don't seem to be helping. He only plays the Switch on Friday and Saturday nights for 30 minutes, but we've let him play Roblox and Stick War on the Chromebook more than we should, probably. It's not unlimited, but in March and April the weather was so miserable, and DH and I were so stressed it was hard to think about other things to do. Now that it's warmer, it's hard to break him of the habit.

His friends' families (and my own family) are too worried about having playdates with us because of DH working w COVID patients. I cannot tell him about getting rejected for play dates because it would break his heart. because I'm a grown up and usually pretty tough and it has hurt me much harder than I expected.

For the last few days I've told our nanny to have him off the computer after school work is done until 5 pm, then he can play from 5 until dinner which is usually 45min-1 hr. It seems good to have a cut off he can look forward to, instead of going back and forth all afternoon.

The outdoor parts of the zoo are opening so I got passes there for the weekend but masks are required and he says he doesn't want to go if he has to wear one. He has only tried it on once.

I reached out to the school counselor but she wants to have a zoom meeting with him, which obviously makes sense, but he won't do it.

[KpbS]

I hope you will insist he goes to the zoo this weekend. Walk around and enjoy the outdoors the open air. Let him pick out a treat. I hope he will enjoy himself and the break from the routine/mundane. It has been hugely helpful for my kids to be outside. We took a drive today and took pictures for a project DS1 is working on. It was so great to just be outside and have a chance of scenery/pace.

Sending big hugs. (((hugs)))