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  1. #1
    AnnieW625's Avatar
    AnnieW625 is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default Just because I am not filling my social media feed with protest messages doesn’t mean

    I am a racist.

    I am tired of seeing messages all over my social media feed (this weekend) and most of them are from women I know and it is bugging the hell out me. I am sure they aren’t directed at me directly, but they bug me. Example: “If you are silent....we know which side you have chosen.” These messages are being posted by women and a trans man (close family friend who I love like a sibling) I know who range in age from 30-50 and are way more educated than I am (IE: have multiple advanced degrees) and I find it odd and insulting at the same time. I have never had an issue with anyone of these women before. I am not a person who attends protests mainly because I am afraid of being stranded somewhere when the sh!t goes bad like it has all weekend here. I live about 8 miles from Downtown Long Beach, CA (and I was actually about a mile from where the bulk of the protesting and looting took place at 2 pm yesterday....I had no idea a protest was planned for 3 pm). In general I hate conflict but finally caved and posted two things to my instagram story the other night (one was the video of the father talking to his daughter about how to identify herself if she thinks a cop is questioning.....shared that from Jennifer Garner, and the other was this one I grabbed off my 14 year old’s Instagram page and thanked her for posting the powerful message), but for the most part I have stayed silent. I just don’t think I should have to explain myself in situations like this on social media. I feel like I have already missed a bunch of otherwise (largely stayed off since late March due to covid 19) fun stuff on social media (which I truly enjoy for the most part). Ugh. I just want the madness to end, and for everyone to be safe. Please know that I am just bitching here and hoping that others of you who are posting protest messages aren’t making conjectures about people who aren’t doing the same (by either protesting in person or posting a ton about the events on social media). If you just read the above and think I am a racist or an uncaring person I am very sorry but please know I am not a racist and all of this hate and racism bothers me to no end and it should not exist.

    (Also FWIW: I got about 4 hours of sleep last night because the helicopters finally stopped in my area about 2 am, but the above needed to be said)




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    Last edited by AnnieW625; 06-01-2020 at 10:57 AM.
    Annie
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  2. #2
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    I don’t think those “if you are silent...” posts are asking for action on FB. I’ve posted nothing in my own page, but I’ve commented and liked things on others.

    I’m also not one to attend a protest, mainly because DH doesn’t want me bringing the kids to one. He grew up in a communist country and so associates protests with people disappearing never to be seen again.

    I wouldn’t take anything personally, especially if it’s not specially directed at you.
    DD (3/06)
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  3. #3
    AnnieW625's Avatar
    AnnieW625 is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default Just because I am not filling my social media feed with protest messages doesn’t mean

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiegirl View Post
    I don’t think those “if you are silent...” posts are asking for action on FB. I’ve posted nothing in my own page, but I’ve commented and liked things on others.

    I’m also not one to attend a protest, mainly because DH doesn’t want me bringing the kids to one. He grew up in a communist country and so associates protests with people disappearing never to be seen again.

    I wouldn’t take anything personally, especially if it’s not specially directed at you.
    Thanks. I know it isn’t directed at me, but just the assumption bothers me. I grew up in the US in the 80s and saw the news of what happened in protests worldwide (especially communist regimes) and I am pretty sure it scared me away from protesting in some way as well. I was 14 during the Rodney King riots in 1992 so I see a lot of protesting and sometimes think of that unrest as well and thought we were ages past that. Prior to covid 19 I was going to volunteer on a regular basis in the area where looting in 92 happened and I have many friends who live in the same area now and hope they are staying safe (some of the areas from the 92 riots in Long Beach has long been gentrified, but others still remain the same unsafe neighborhoods they were before the 92 riots).


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    Annie
    WOHM to two wonderful little girls born in April
    DD E, 17
    DD L, 13,
    baby 2, 4-2009 (our Tri-18 baby)

  4. #4
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    i mean this in the kindest way possible, because i think you are a good person - if you are offended, bothered, from these comments, first off, try to remember that this (movement) is not about you personally, in the way you think it is (hope that makes sense)

    actually i would like to say this to *all* non-black people with this similar feeling (because i think it is very common and needs to be said): this movement is not about you and your personal need to absolve yourself from guilt about racism. it's not about trying to prove how un racist you are and get some sort of "credit" or praise for it, or listing reasons why you personally cannot do x, y, or z. please, please, forget about trying to show everyone how you personally have never been racist (i'm seeing lots of this on social media)..that is not the issue.

    instead, how the focus is how to help the black community, and how to erase the racial inequality in this country. how to listen. not try to give receipts or reasons on how you personally haven't been racist or haven't contributed to racial inequality. if everyone could focus on this, that would help so much. yes, not everyone can attend a protest, or donate money, or whatever it is..for their personal reasons, that is fine. there are other things you can do.

    whatever uncomfortable feeling you have, try to set it aside and focus on the real issue which is racial inequality and how to make it better. i know i don't have the answer, but i know things aren't helped when the voices that need to be heard now are clouded with thousands of white people giving accounts of how they aren't racist and never contributed to the problem...if that makes any sense.

    the statments about "if you are silent.." i think is mainly is directed towards people who see/hear racism happening in real life but never step in to correct it . It is a more general statement on how non-black people in general are complicit in racial inequality if they never speak up about it. it is to raise awareness. i personally don't fault people at all for not saying things on social media bc i realize that is not everyone's thing and there are thousands of other ways to make things better. e.g. if you see a coworker or neighbor making offensive remarks, to speak up and say something. I know that for every 10 times i hear a white person make racially offensive remarks (say at work, or in a moms group, or whatever), maybe only 2 or 3 times another white person speaks up and calls them out. That's a crappy track record and should be better.

    so, in a nutshell, this is my very long way of saying: you shouldn't personally feel bad about not saying anything on social media or not attending protests. in fact , as many ppl point out it is easy to use hashtags or whatever on social media and share memes but the real work is recognizing and confronting racial inequality in our daily lives . it is speaking up when a coworker or relative says or does something racial insensitive towards POC vs just shrugging it off or avoiding it due to embarrassment. it is recognizing bias and trying to correct it. it is listening to the experiences of black friends, neighbors, coworkers and not trying to dismiss their experiences or struggles. these are just some examples i can personally think of, i'm sure there are others i'm not thinking of and others can say it more eloquently than me

    eta: just realized this is the BP - sorry! i browse BBB using "show new posts" so i never pay attention to what's in what section. i will leave my post up though in case it helps anyone.
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 06-01-2020 at 12:31 PM.

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    I wanted to like ms. pacman post a thousand times. I’ve had few postings in my SM indicating to lay off the “if you are silent, you are complicit too” and I don’t think that is appropriate. It is not our place to tell the community at large, and people who are suffering the most injustice how to behave.

    You don’t have to be out there to protest to take action. There are many other numerous ways to take action. And that is what the postings in SM is talking about. If you are uncomfortable, sleepless for few nights, etc well I don’t want to say too bad, but I kinda do though. It is the least we can do, considering the life of social inequalities and free of fear we live. So for real change to take effect, I think ALL whites have to be uncomfortable for a while. To sit in our feelings, think about why we’re uncomfortable, and think about how or what we can do for the black communities as allies. Donate to the bail free fund, call your cal officials to ask for real reform among the law enforcement, and ask what they’re going to do about changing real change in our communities.

    I know you’re venting, probably afraid of what is happening locally, tired from not enough sleep and I don’t invalidate what you’re feeling. Just that it’s a bit tone deaf what you’re saying and thinking. Ms. Pacman said it much better than I could, cuz I’m just all out of sympathy for those who isn’t really affected by many centuries of what non whites go through.


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  6. #6
    bisous is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Annie, I'm sure the people who know you don't think ill of you. I think people are understandably enraged about continued police cruelty to AAs and they want to do something. They want to see something. But like a PP said, it isn't personal to you. I think it is more important that you look deep inside of you and make sure you feel good about what you are doing. And if you do it doesn't matter. I think maybe all of us should feel a little sheepish about what we have or haven't done and doubtless all of us can do better but that's coming from me and not from any exterior pressure. I do think this is a great time for self-examination. It is a hard time for many people in many ways and we all just have to do our best. Only we can know what our own "best" looks like. I have looked at myself and I've realized that I can do better, so sometimes reading postings on SM have made me realize that. That hurts a little bit. It isn't my friends that are hurting me, it is the pricking of my own conscience and the realization of somebody else's real pain that has been really instructive. I'm grateful for supportive posting but I don't think that's the only way to make a difference.

  7. #7
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Annie, I’m so glad you posted this. And Ms. Pacman, I’m so glad you commented. It’s given me so much to think about. I don’t think the things we do now, like protesting and posting on social media, are as effective or valuable as the things we can do in real life situations- speaking up when we see injustice, making sure things are handled justly in areas and times when we can influence others, working against peer pressure or status quo for justice. It’s difficult and uncomfortable moments like those that test us and make a difference.
    Last edited by gatorsmom; 06-01-2020 at 08:04 PM.
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

  8. #8
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I have seen a few social media influencers torn apart from not taking a stance (this was days ago, also) even though their typical content is fashion/food posts. This kind of hateful digital attack is useless and a total distraction from the actual issue. It's nearly always white posters who are drawing this dramatic line in the stand. Then those who ARE posting are picked apart for their content not matching the particular idealized verbiage of the moment for most politically correct stance. I'm not offended but I'm saying it totally detracts from the real issues.

  9. #9
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I have seen a few social media influencers torn apart from not taking a stance (this was days ago, also) even though their typical content is fashion/food posts. This kind of hateful digital attack is useless and a total distraction from the actual issue. It's nearly always white posters who are drawing this dramatic line in the stand. Then those who ARE posting are picked apart for their content not matching the particular idealized verbiage of the moment for most politically correct stance. I'm not offended but I'm saying it totally detracts from the real issues.
    but whose to say that isn't part of the real issue? as a non-black person, i don't think we get a say in that, in deciding what is important and what is not.

    showing support of the movement isn't about absolving oneself from racism. white people need to understand: the goal is not about getting everything "right" and never receiving criticism. Social media influencers who are decent people either 1) work to end racism in real life, and ignore negative postings or 2) either post their support and either use negative comments as a LEARNING OPPORTUNITY or, maybe ignore it...but they don't make it about them and how unfair it is that now they are being supposedly trashed for "just trying to help". this is the thing that frustrates many POC. White people so afraid and/or angered about being "politically incorrect", and not saying the perfect thing, and then make it about them. so they dont' say anything at all. hence the term "white fragility". in my view, there has to be willingness from white people to speak out against racism, show support to black community, and in the process to make mistakes and be ok with it, and use it as learning opportunity. until we have that, we don't see change.

    that is my take on it, as a non-black POC, for whatever it's worth...

    eta: and i do realize that yes, sometimes people tend to dissect and nitpick and overcriticize what ppl say, but that is just the nature of social media. Influencers know this and i'm sure every post they make on whatever topic they get some amount of negative comments, including bot messages, spam or whatever. that is the nature of being an influencer -they are free to ignore or delete comments and i'm sure they are used to it. also, just because someone is mostly a food or fashion influencer doesn't mean discussion on racial inequality is somehow irrelevant...people of color watch food/fashion channels too. i follow various different types of influencers, that focus on various topics like makeup, fitness, veganism, cars and I was personally was very heartened to see a large number of them make statements of support of BLM. it was pretty powerful to see, honestly...i had never seen this before. Yes, i'm sure there will always be naysayers to whatever ppl post, but what we had before was mostly silence on this topic, and look where that got us.
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 06-02-2020 at 02:14 PM.

  10. #10
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    Thanks Ms Pac-Man, I totally agree. I was happy to see the Holderness Family at a protest.
    DD (3/06)
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