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  1. #1
    WatchingThemGrow is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Default older Friend with memory issues - taken into Alzheimer's unit - no visitation.

    We have had a friend for the last 10 years who has been at a Continuing Care Retirement Community for a couple decades. Her increasing memory issues have escalated since the lockdown, and she wandered outside her home yesterday. She was inside the compound, but is now secure in the memory unit, where her husband and extended family have no access to her due to COVID-19. And it seems that won't likely change in the coming months/year, right?

    Has anyone else had any experiences like this where you can give some tips or ideas on how to console her family or be able to see her ever again? She came to our yard a couple weeks ago for DD's 14th bday and had a great time. We facetimed her last week. Now, there's apparently no way for her husband and son to ever see her again. Is this truly how it works? Any ideas on what we can do?

  2. #2
    legaleagle is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Oh, how very sad. Was she living alone in the CCRC (independent/assisted living) or is her husband still there? What are the state regulations at play?

  3. #3
    Philly Mom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    My friend is experiencing the same thing. I don’t know the answer. I assume moving her out wouldn’t work.


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  4. #4
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    This is so tragic and is playing out across the country. I don't have any answers for you but I am sorry for your friends. Hopefully facilities will be able to allow visitors in a limited fashion in the near future. I get why they closed down but it's so bad for the residents and their families.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

  5. #5
    pharmjenn is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    My father in law is in a Memory Care unit and MIL has not seen him since early March. He is not capable of placing phone calls, or probably even understanding a conversation on the phone if one was placed for him. Our county has just instituted mandatory Covid tests on all residents and staff at every nursing home, retirement community, board and care in the county. I am hoping getting regular testing will help open some visitation.

    Is your friend in a room on the ground floor where her family can visit through the window? Or can they check and see if visits can be arranged through the front doors (where family stays outside, but can still see/hear each other?)
    mom to Billy 12/07

  6. #6
    doberbrat is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    MA is starting outside visitation though it seems burdensome on the staff so who knows if they will really do it? That might be something to hope for.

    I'm sorry. It just stinks.
    dd1 10/05
    dd2 11/09
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  7. #7
    NCGrandma is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default older Friend with memory issues - taken into Alzheimer's unit - no visitation.

    Yes, this is sad, and a challenge for everyone involved, but keep in mind that things are truly in a state of constant change. Yes, the state requirements and recommendations are more restrictive for long term care facilities than for the general public, for good reasons, but there is already beginning to be a small amount of flexibility even for these.

    If your friend has been living in a CCRC, I assume her husband is also living there, probably in an independent living apt or cottage of some sort. If her husband is truly feeling as though he will never see her again, I would strongly encourage him to talk with staff specifically about what is possible now, what is likely in the near future, etc. The social work staff are typically the ones to start with, for a discussion like that, unless he has other staff he is closer to. Hopefully the social worker can specifically address what they can offer family members now.

    At my CCRC, folks living in the Health Center still cannot have visitors to their rooms but they are starting to be able to go outdoors. There was recently a "family drive by" for local family members to pull up to the entrance at the appointed hour to at least see their family member at a distance. FaceTime, Skype etc are definitely popular options, and staff should be able to help set this up. (Note: we do not have a separate Alzheimer’s unit, so the permanent residents of our Health Center include a range of folks who have various physical limitations or need more nursing care than they could get in the assisted living buildings, as well as those with a range of memory problems.)

    There have been exceptions all along to the "no visitors" rule for long term care facilities. The most common exception is in end of life situations. It doesn’t sound like your friend is at this stage yet, but it may be reassuring to know that if things suddenly turn bad, it is likely that her family will be able to spend time with her (assuming her son lives nearby or can travel).

    ETA: also, most CCRCs are constantly reassessing the overall situation and how/when to gradually lift which restrictions. My CCRC has had no residents with COVID19 and of course wants to keep it that way while still starting to allow more interaction among residents. However, as things start to open up in the local community, it is certainly possible that one of my neighbors will venture out to a restaurant or wherever and bring back an unwelcome virus. In that case, I suspect that we will go back to more restrictions for a while.

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    Last edited by NCGrandma; 06-03-2020 at 03:51 PM.

  8. #8
    mom2binsd is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I work in long term care, no in person visits for the foreseeable future, probably at least 4 months, it's just the reality of the risk factors. Window visits only. We have done parades where it was sort of possible to have a moment face to face. If they go to a doctor appointment the family can meet at doctors office. Only those very close to end of life allowed visitors. It's terrible, we are seeing declines and more depression. Our facility just hired 5 more activity aides to do more 1:1 visits but it's not the same.

    I wish I could be more optimistic but with the majority of deaths in LTC facilities visits will not be happening and any place that does is opening themselves up for lawsuits, the lawyers are already salivating at current deaths and outbreaks, plenty of lawsuits have already been filed.

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  9. #9
    WatchingThemGrow is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Thank you all for the ideas and commiseration! I'm hoping we can have a longer conversation tonight with the next generation and figure out how we support the elderly couple during this time. Unfortunately, their cable and phone line was cut the same day. He was only able to send us one email and doesn't seem to have gotten the reply about how to reboot the iphone we have set up for him. Thankful for the time we've had with them, and I hope they're hanging in there with this.

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