SAHMs- how much do you have your kids take care of themselves over the summer?

[ourbabygirl]

Just wondering how hands-on or hands-off you are with your kids when they're out of school. I'm wondering their ages, and what responsibilities you give them.

I feel like, if I were out of the home working, my kids would become more mature and wouldn't be able to just expect that I'll do everything for them (like make their breakfasts and lunches). I'd rather have a career where I could work 3 or 4 days a week all year long, instead of 5 days a week for 9 months, so I need to figure out the right balance for this summer and the years ahead. This is mostly an issue with my 11 and 9 year olds, as they get cranky when I tell them they can make their own lunch (simple things like salami, cheese and crackers, or a sandwich, etc.). I was also hoping the older kids would help more with our new puppy.

How do you handle things in your home? And do you give them a list of chores to get done each day?

Thanks!

[AnnieW625]

I work outside the home usually (been working at home since mid March) so myself and DH are still usually making lunches, still washing clothes, and making dinner so I don’t see the difference if you are working out of the home or being a SAHM. My Dd1 (14) started making her lunch on a consistent basis this past school year. She also started going grocery shopping with me on a more regular basis as well and picking out what she wanted for lunch. I know that DD2 will get to that point eventually, but I honestly try not to stress out about it.

FWIW when I was growing up and even in college and post college when I lived at home I had the following rules daily:
Make bed daily
Do own laundry (this started in hr. high school) or help out with family laundry
Set table or clear table
Help make dinner once a week
Do homework daily
Make own breakfast (I think this started in jr. high as well)

During the summers we would make our lunches on a pretty regular basis as well, but I know my mom made lunches a fair amount as well.

Pretty sure my mom still made me a sandwich when I was in my first two years in college if I wanted it.


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[hillview]

my 12 & 14 year old make all their own lunch and breakfast and have been for the last couple of years. At first I had to make suggestions (or options, cereal or toast) but now they manage it. I will also say that I am pretty lax on what people eat. Yesterday DS2 had 2 English Muffins with butter in the microwave for lunch and then an entire container of blueberries. I mean sort of balanced?

[carolinamama]

I've been a part-time WOHM for most of the time I've had kids. I can't think back further than 3-4 years but I guess I've expected more as they have gotten older. For that time, I have basically done a list for each kid that had to be done before they could have screen time. It includes things such as daily chore, read for an hour, play outside for at least an hour, do something creative for at least an hour. They also empty the dishwasher daily, which cycles through all 3. Pet care isn't a daily chore, but I do ask them to feed and walk the dogs in the evening, depending on who is home and doesn't have anything going on. We have a loose schedule so the kitchen isn't open all.day.long because they would be eating on a staggered schedule if they chose their own times. For instance, eat breakfast between 8-10, lunch is 12-1 and snack is at 3. Each kid is responsible for getting their own breakfast and lunch most of the time. Usually cereal, oatmeal, or bagels for breakfast. Lunch would be sandwiches, quesadillas, left overs, cheese and crackers. I do make a hot breakfast for everyone once a week or so.

My kids have learned lots more cleaning tasks as we have been home the last few months without a cleaning person. My list of chore choices has increased!

[bisous]

I've been a part-time WOHM for most of the time I've had kids. I can't think back further than 3-4 years but I guess I've expected more as they have gotten older. For that time, I have basically done a list for each kid that had to be done before they could have screen time. It includes things such as daily chore, read for an hour, play outside for at least an hour, do something creative for at least an hour. They also empty the dishwasher daily, which cycles through all 3. Pet care isn't a daily chore, but I do ask them to feed and walk the dogs in the evening, depending on who is home and doesn't have anything going on. We have a loose schedule so the kitchen isn't open all.day.long because they would be eating on a staggered schedule if they chose their own times. For instance, eat breakfast between 8-10, lunch is 12-1 and snack is at 3. Each kid is responsible for getting their own breakfast and lunch most of the time. Usually cereal, oatmeal, or bagels for breakfast. Lunch would be sandwiches, quesadillas, left overs, cheese and crackers. I do make a hot breakfast for everyone once a week or so.

My kids have learned lots more cleaning tasks as we have been home the last few months without a cleaning person. My list of chore choices has increased!

We have had a similar experience. My older kids do get their own breakfasts but I'm still doing lunch and dinner, though the two oldest can make things in a pinch.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Lists. My kids do a great job following lists. Left on their own, they won’t starve.


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[Liziz]

It depends a lot on the day for us. Some days, I make all three meals and am super hands on most of the day. Other days, they do a lot more. I have a 4 and an 8 yo. My 8 year old can make breakfast and lunch for herself and her sister when needed or desired -- simple things like yogurt, cereal, oatmeal, toast, or microwaved scrambled eggs for breakfast and bagels and cream cheese, PB&J or ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch -- mac'n'cheese too but she's only allowed to use the stove if I'm in the kitchen too. I usually have cut up fruit and veggies in the fridge so although I don't let her cut without supervision she is usually able to find stuff to serve with the lunch sandwiches. It's interesting your kids grumble about needing to do their own food -- my DD is always super excited when I let her do her own meals (there is definitely increased mess so I'm not always up for it!). In terms of our dogs, both DDs feed the dogs (one has AM and one has PM), although I still supervise the 4yo. My 8 yo picks up the poop from the backyard, but that's definitely done with grumbling! I usually do the laundry, but my kids both help and DD1 can do it by herself -- if she wants things clean that aren't in a batch I plan on washing in the next few days she can and will do a load herself to get what she wants clean.

I don't usually do lists or things like that, but we have a designated "chore time" after lunch, so they know that I'll be assigning them work at that point.

[georgiegirl]

Depends on the kid. DD (14) is completely independent and can make gourmet meals for herself plus fancy desserts. DS1 (10.5) can get himself bowls or plates of things that don’t require cooking (Cheerios, goldfish, cheese, salami). DS2 (6.5) can get crackers or a granola bar for himself.

[jgenie]

I’m awful! I’m a SAHM and it’s easier for me to do things myself so I mostly do. My kids know when I ask them to do something they should drop what they’re doing and get it done. I have shown them how to empty and load the dishwasher but DH generally unloads while he’s waiting for his coffee in the morning. I or DH generally load after meals because DH likes to linger after eating and my kids are long gone when he’s done eating. My kids know how to separate laundry and run it but I generally ask them to bring me dirty clothes and I throw a load in while they’re eating breakfast. I switch to dryer and fold then put away right after. Sometimes they have to get me hangers or put their piles away. Just depends what’s going on. I like them to have a hot breakfast so I generally make it after my morning run. I’ve been making lunch while they’ve been finishing their morning classes so it’s ready when they are done. I have a loose daily schedule for cleaning and they will be helping me with that this summer. We’re generally traveling all summer but this year we’ll be home so they’ll get lots of practice. I’ll be following this thread to fix the error of my ways!

[gatorsmom]

Kids are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. I coddled my oldest until it dawned on me that it was in his best interest to be able to do as much for himself as possible. And the only way those lessons would stick is if he did them regularly. My twins are now 12yo and they each cook a meal each week. My son needs some help but DD can mix up crepes and cook them, mix up cookies from scratch and bake them, chop and sauce vegetables, make scrambled eggs, etc. We started doing a lot more last fall but have especially been getting creative these last 2 months. I make them sort their clothes and check pockets (which I then wash and dry) and they sort, fold, hang and put away their clothes. They all load the dishwasher and unload and put the clean dishes away. They each do a cleaning chore each day which range from scrubbing toilets to vacuuming and mopping. I make them pull weeds each week and keep their rooms picked up. I believe my oldest started mowing the lawn when he was 13yo (DH taught him on the riding lawnmower). I used to make my older boys' lunches every day until they started cooking with their boy scouts troup last summer. Now I buy healthy snacks (I don't trust them to buy healthy stuff) and they pick out what they want for their lunches. This summer, all my kids are learning to iron their clothes.

Another mom here mentioned how she'd like her high schoolers to be in charge of running their household for a month and I think that's a fantastic idea.