Being driven crazy in my own home!

[pinay]

My mom moved in with us on February 29. The long term plan is for her to move in with my younger brother, but for now she's with us. I don't know how much longer I can do this! I feel like I can't do anything right- she criticizes EVERYTHING, yet expects me to just be at her beck and call. I'm still FT teaching from home, DH is working full time, we have 2 kids and a newish dog we adopted through a rescue, so our hands are full. On top of this, I'm the one getting her house ready to put on the market, her HOA is an enormous PITA to deal with, and she is pissed because it's taking so long. If you don't like how I'm doing it, freaking do it yourself! Half the time we make her food she doesn't even want to eat it, but today she complained because we ate lunch without her- um, you sleep at the weirdest times and have a schedule that does not match with our family AT ALL, you don't like what we make but then you want us to have lunch available to you at 3:30 in the afternoon? WTF? Her primary language is not English, but she is fluent- DH and the kids don't speak her language, yet she is constantly speaking it to them and then expecting them to react accordingly.

We haven't lived together since I left for college. She is making me crazy. I am constantly on edge because if she comes out of her room for something, she's going to criticize me or ask me to explain something on her phone that I have explained numerous times previously. It's so bad that my kids even recognize that she's being critical of me, and DD1 is really starting to get upset on my behalf. I stand up for myself, I try to set boundaries, but there's no escaping the criticisms that she hurls my way- the worst part is I don't even think she realizes that she's doing it! i don't know if I will be able to maintain much of a relationship with her once I finally get her out of my house. It sucks to feel this way about your own mother.

[Philly Mom]

That is horrible. My aunt lived with my parents at the beginning of this stuff and she does the same thing to my mom. Made her miserable. It’s so awful for you and your kids. I hope you get relief soon!!


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[KpbS]

I'm really sorry. That sounds just miserable.

I would call my brother and make a plan to move her by next weekend ASAP.

[doberbrat]

I'm so sorry. I get it. Really, it just stinks. Could you talk to her? I know in my case, trying to address it would make it 100x worse ....

I have no advise or words of wisdom...... vent away

[niccig]

And this is one of many other reasons why I don’t have a relationship with my mother. Everything out of her mouth is a criticism. I never really shared much with her, and she criticized that I don’t share. She started in on DS once he became a teen, and that was the last straw. I could never live with her. Hope she moves out very soon


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[carolinamama]

Ugh that sounds really tough. Hopefully the situation won't last too much longer, but in the mean time, keep on venting.

[bisous]

I'm sorry. That is SO stressful. One strange thing that happened during quarantine is that I've seen my parents WAY less than I used to. We only live a mile away but both of us have social distanced pretty strictly. Now that we're "opening up" I forgot how incredibly annoying my mom can be sometimes (which feels terrible to type--even to strangers!) She is very demanding. If I don't pick up when she calls, she'll call DH. If he doesn't pick up, she'll call DS1, and so on until she gets a live person. She is also incessant in nagging us about things that she thinks are important (that we don't necessarily agree with). I'm working to find a way to keep having these nice boundaries but also benefit from being with them, as I do love my parents very much. Sorry, OP, that was long-winded! All that to say that I can only partly imagine how tough it must be to be sheltering in place with them and I can commiserate with you for sure! I hope you are able to regain your peace!

[pinay]

This past Friday, my mom decided to actually speak to me and asked if I could take her somewhere on Saturday. I told her we already had plans, then she asked about next week- I told her I was still working, and asked where it was she needed me to take her. Apparently, she now wants to tour a senior living facility- nice of her to say this to me or my brother, considering we thought there had been a plan in place for her to move in with him. When I called him to ask if he knew anything about this new development, he had NO CLUE and had just signed with a contractor to re-do a bathroom in his new home so that it would be easier for our mom to use. I am so annoyed, but also partially relieved- maybe she'll be leaving my house sooner rather than later? She keeps wavering back and forth on all these issues that I have been handed to figure out, and it's such a FREAKING. WASTE. OF. MY. TIME!!! If I go to the trouble of helping her see all these places and then she ultimately decides that's not actually what she wants, I will lose my mind. I'm so over it. All of it.

[Indianamom2]

I'm sorry. That sounds incredibly stressful. I hope you can get a few moments each day of peace to remind yourself that this too shall pass...