I’m tired of being the only adult in the house.

[gatorsmom]

I’m done. I’m tired of being the enforcer of everything. YET AGAIN, Dh just sent me a, “can we go?” email. Can we go to an indoor fundraiser? This is after many family discussions about why we shouldn’t go to indoor events if we can avoid them. This is after screaming fights because I’m so tired of being the one being asked if we can go somewhere, who is doing their chores today, who is wearing their mask in public (because oh no- peer pressure not to wear masks is icky!), what are we cooking this week that has a vegetable in it?

Next week, his parents are moving into their new summer house near us. Goody! I can police them too! I can be the enforcer for them too!

Ive reached my breaking point. They don’t like my schedule for cleaning the house, then I’m leaving it up to them. Dh can be in charge. I’m done.

[PunkyBoo]

I don't blame you. That sounds awful. My DH gets my concerns (he is working OOH but I've been WFM since early April) and had seen how quickly I become a passive aggressive b*tch when my kids start getting to me with all this 24/7 togetherness. I've basically gone on strike a few times since this all began, and it doesn't take long for DH to step in and get everyone realigned. So I can't imagine having DH also adding to your pressure. Sorry!

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[Philly Mom]

I have a similar issue of being the only adult but for different reasons. It is exhausting. I’m sorry you are in this position.


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[gatorsmom]

I don't blame you. That sounds awful. My DH gets my concerns (he is working OOH but I've been WFM since early April) and had seen how quickly I become a passive aggressive b*tch when my kids start getting to me with all this 24/7 togetherness. I've basically gone on strike a few times since this all began, and it doesn't take long for DH to step in and get everyone realigned. So I can't imagine having DH also adding to your pressure. Sorry!

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Yes, there is definitely a down-side to not being an essential worker and working from home. I’m sorry for everyone going through this.

Somehow I’m in charge of keeping everyone healthy. That means laundry, cleaning and cooking fall to me. It’s already a load to juggle before you add in the “do we/don’t we go” weekly debate. Something has got to give. Cleaning seems the easiest to hand off to others. If the house is dirty, no one dies or gets sick. I’m going on strike!! There I feel better already.

[newnana]

Yeah, that's not okay on any level. It's hard enough to be in charge of everything without pushback, ESPECIALLY from your partner.

I'll third the strike recommendation. I may have broken a toe a few weeks ago. I do know a few toes and the surrounding foot were very swollen and bruised. Normally? I'd just keep going. I'm an old gymnast, everything has been broken and gymnasts are taught early on you just smile and keep going. This time? I milked it. For two weeks! Rest, ice, elevate, have them wait on me for once. It was the most liberating thing I've done in a LONNNNNGGGG time. What's for dinner? No clue, you tell me. Yard work needs to be done? Enjoy. We're out of milk? You figure out how to place the grocery order and have it delivered, while you're at it, momma needs some {insert your treat of choice here}. While you're up, can you please refill my water and bring me a new ice pack? THAAAAANKS. Kept them too busy to ask me about anything extra and got a little appreciation in the process. Highly recommend.

Sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine having either of our non-compliant parents move near us and adding pressure to socialize a DH that already needing parenting. Good luck!

[petesgirl]

I have a similar issue of being the only adult but for different reasons. It is exhausting. I’m sorry you are in this position.


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Me too. Here the battle is screen time. Dh would be 100% fine if the kids sat in front of a screen for the rest of their lives and fried the brains and bodies into useless lumps. He sees no reason to enforce any limits. It's aggravating.

[hbridge]

Yes! DC are actually better than DH with masks and social distancing! There will be NO indoor activities with anyone. HOWEVER, we are headed on vacation in August with my parents (we have already merged our "bubbles") and the worst, I think, will be my mother. She does not seem to understand how this year's vacation will differ from previous years. She has all of these plans, most of which involve socializing with her friends, that are not going to happen in the current climate! I KNOW I will be policing everyone during vacation! It is exhausting!

[Liziz]

Oh geez, complain away! Early on DH and I had a little show down over how we were responding to the pandemic - we weren't on the same page and that is exhausting. Thankfully the showdown worked and we worked it out. It's so hard to not be on the same page with your partner (and you're right, lol!), not even adding in the frustration of kids.

I'm pretty sure your kids are all older....I vote you go on strike from cleaning AND cooking. A few weeks ago I told DH I needed a break and that on Saturday morning, I was leaving the house as soon as I woke up and I'd be home "sometime before bed", then steadfastly refused to answer any questions about how the day should go, what people should eat, etc. It was incredibly liberating. I definitely felt better afterwards, especially when DH acknowledged that a full day at home alone with our DC in their pent-up I-haven't-gone-anywhere-in-forever stage is utterly exhausting. (Also, in case you're wondering how I filled a full day, I went on a couple long hikes and then sat in a non-playground park and read a book for hours, while eating junk food that my normally health-conscious self doesn't want my kids eating.....)

[bisous]

I'm feeling this too. Thankfully my DH agrees with me about safety stuff. He agrees with me about most stuff. But it is still left to me to be the enforcer on all of "our" priorities. It is hard not to feel resentment or that if I stepped away for few hours everything would crumble into pieces around me....

[gatorsmom]

.. or that if I stepped away for few hours everything would crumble into pieces around me....

Yes this exactly! I have an adult husband, 2 high schoolers, and 2 intelligent middle schoolers. They shouldn’t need me to remind them to put their trash in the garbage, their dirty laundry in the hampers, to wipe up their crumbs, to put empty dishes in the sink (at least!) or their shoes in their mudroom shoe bins. They know how to do it- I’ve harped on all these things a hundred times. When I spend a day or 2 focusing on a project instead of enforcing and nagging, it’s crazy how messy and cluttered everything gets in here!

Liziz, I would like to give up responsibility for the cooking, but I’ve tried that and we end up eating bratwursts and grilled cheese for dinner. The vegetables all but disappear from the menu. I have lightened my load considerably by assigning dishes and making everyone cook one each week. In the beginning I let them choose the meal they wanted to cook but lately they are choosing easy and junky. I don’t mind bratwursts and grilled cheese occasionally but when it’s what they choose week after week... Also, what happened to the side salads, slices of tomato or onions or even a few spinach leaves thrown in the food somewhere? Nope, without me nagging, the veggies all but disappear. It’s better if I give up the cleaning.