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  1. #1
    SAHMIL is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    Default COVID has destroyed my son !

    I honestly thought that this social distancing mess was something that wouldnít take this long . I honestly thought it would be just like normal except we would wear a mask. I didnít mind working from home as a teacher nor that my son , an only child , was home with me . I was loving the time and the slower pace and everything. But now . I feel like a big idiot . The weather sucked a lot of the time so when he wasnít doing homework we would let him play Xbox. What I would give right now for life to be normal for me would mean the world and I would throw that Xbox out. Because right now Iím having the hardest time looking at pictures my friends post of their kids going to baseball or soccer or even to hockey rinks right now. Why ? Because my son who quit baseball, soccer , and Cub Scouts to focus on hockey has decided he no longer wants to play .

    Why ? Well first he wants to focus on playing airsoft guns , which he canít do right now on the first place and that is something that is like playing laser tag where you go and play with friends . And he wants to focus on eSports . He says there is no point to playing hockey . There is nothing to work for . It is stupid and boring and no longer fun .

    He had a hard season where he had a team where some kids were mean to him even though his team made it to the championship . I really feel like this pandemic caused him to do nothing but dwell on it and took away any motivation . And I really feel he has anxiety too as a result .

    Iíve got him in counseling . And It sucks because here are some great summer days and my kid is staying inside looking at his phone or on Xbox .

    And I am trying to reach out to parents of kids he says he wants to hang out with . And they are all busy .

    #momfail


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  2. #2
    jgenie is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I am so sorry to hear your son is having a tough time. You did not fail. We are all doing the best we can to figure out what’s best for our families. I know this would be really hard but could he go cold turkey on electronics? Get outside with him to pull weeds, clean the garage, go for hikes, ride bikes? Figure out a way the two of you can help someone else? One of our local food banks makes snack bags for kids. Box of cereal, granola bar, fruit cup, box of milk. My plan is to buy the ingredients and make some here at home to donate. They’ll sit at the pantry for a week before distribution. Could you see if a local pantry could accept the same? Could you contact your local animal shelter and bring them old towels, blankets, etc? Good luck. You’re a wonderful mother. You just hit a speed bump.
    for Carmen

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Sometimes kids donít know whatís good for them and you have to step in and just make them do something. I remember your posts about the hockey team though and that really sounded like it was more your passion than his. I know I thought he should quit based on those posts. But find something else and sign him up. Maybe rec level just to be active. Everyone feels better with some exercise. And go cold turkey on the Xbox just for a reset. If heís bored, so what? Hand him a book, hand him a project, go on hikes, go to a climbing gym, head to a pool...thereís lots to do in the world. It stinks that his friends arenít free. Weíre having that problem too though we still arenít doing in person things (just trying to Skype/ FaceTime). Lots of people arenít socializing. It must be hard to live somewhere that people arenít practicing more social distancing because then you feel left out when really youíre making a good choice.
    But, you didnít fail but you canít let him call all the shots. Keep trying and do take a video game break. Those really help! Iíve btdt!


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  4. #4
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    Hugs. You did not fail. You did the right thing for the time that was best for you all. We are still sticking close to home. My kids arenít doing sports now. Theyíd both rather read of being on Snapchat.

    Around here there will be no fall sports or college fall sports. Colleges are all ramping up their esports as a result (like intercollegiate esports competitions). So if itís any consolation heíd fit in great with the college going crowd.


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    Mom to two amazing DDs ('07 & '09) and a fur baby.

    Gluten free since Nov '11 after non-celiac gluten sensitive diagnosis. Have had great improvement or total elimination of: migraines, bloating/distention, heartburn, cystic acne, canker sores, bleeding gums, eczema on elbows, dry skin and scalp, muscle cramps, PMS, hair loss, heart palpitations, fatigue. I'm amazed.

  5. #5
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default COVID has destroyed my son !

    So there no sports or get togethers where we are so DSí only socializing has been through video games. He has a large group of friends that play so Iím thankful for that amount of social life.

    He needed to help a friend of ours who was building a wood wall at our house. Both DH and I had to work so DS had to assist. Heís expressed interest in past about learning how to build things, but neither DH or I know how. DS grumbled at helping as he has to wake up earlier, but he enjoyed learning from our friend. He asked about buying some power tools and we went to home Depot and bought a miter saw and a jig saw. DS is now building things or helping with projects that need power tools. I have a list of things I want him to build for me. Heís designing the desk he wants to build before school starts back. Heís still on the computer an awful lot, but heíll get off to go to Home Depot or to cut some wood for me.

    Try to encourage other interests if you can. Itís all we can do right now. Try our best


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    Last edited by niccig; 07-18-2020 at 05:54 PM.

  6. #6
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I'm so sorry you and your son are having such a hard time - we're right there with you.
    Have you tried to re-interest him in hockey through other mediums? A player biography, movie? Field hockey in the yard?
    Can you get him outside with the airsoft thing? Building outdoor targets or obstacles, perhaps?
    As my mother (a Nurse) is constantly telling me - this is NOT normal. Normal rules do not apply. Keep trying new things until something sparks an interest.

  7. #7
    JElaineB is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    It sounds like your son has moved on to new interests and you are mourning what could have been. Have you asked him if there is something else he wants to try or if he is happy with how things are? What does his therapist say? If it turns out that he's happy I think you should be happy for him.

  8. #8
    SAHMIL is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    Default COVID has destroyed my son !

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Sometimes kids donít know whatís good for them and you have to step in and just make them do something. I remember your posts about the hockey team though and that really sounded like it was more your passion than his. I know I thought he should quit based on those posts. But find something else and sign him up. Maybe rec level just to be active. Everyone feels better with some exercise. And go cold turkey on the Xbox just for a reset. If heís bored, so what? Hand him a book, hand him a project, go on hikes, go to a climbing gym, head to a pool...thereís lots to do in the world. It stinks that his friends arenít free. Weíre having that problem too though we still arenít doing in person things (just trying to Skype/ FaceTime). Lots of people arenít socializing. It must be hard to live somewhere that people arenít practicing more social distancing because then you feel left out when really youíre making a good choice.
    But, you didnít fail but you canít let him call all the shots. Keep trying and do take a video game break. Those really help! Iíve btdt!


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    The problem the last go round was that he got in trouble in the locker room at tryouts . He was playing with his stick handling ball in there then two other boys joined in. One of them reached into the bag of another kid and took out a goalie glove and then the kids who it belonged to (8 year old kids . DS and friends were 11 and 12) came in and the other two boys swore at them . My son was taken in wth the other two to the hockey director as part of guilt by association and being in the locker room at that point . My son and his friend chose running as a consequence and the other kid chose to get changed in the waiting area . From talking with the other two kidsí parents , I learned they only got a tongue lashing . Me , he got a talk and me trying to explain real life similarities, a week of Xbox taken away (because it was the heart of his social life at the time prior to phone ) , and he had to write a letter of apology to the hockey director. Maybe a bit overboard , but my son rarely gets in trouble at school or anywhere and when he does itís a big lesson . And in my book he needed to learn something out of this . However in his mind he believes that if it had been one of the favorites the kid would have gotten a slap on the hand .

    About a couple of months later one of the more mean spirited moms from the team asked me when he was getting suspended . I asked what do you mean ? I called the hockey director and he said flat out no . So that was good . Unfortunately my son overheard this conversation woth me talking to a friend about it in a conversation about mean and petty people in general .

    That whole spring I had to just remind him to go onto the locker room and get ready and not play around . I was driven crazy because of that mom and I didnít want her saying anything . My son is social not malicious , but parents were making him out to be a troublemaker . One time in front of other kids as they were playing around in the hallway I threatened to pull him out

    My kid is a very good kid overall . But the complaint of the previous coach prior to last spring was that he and another kid screwed around too much in the locker room . And I had to explain to him over and over that if he wanted to make one of the higher playing level teams he has to show he is self directed and doesnít need an adult in there to supervise . ( trust me thatís a whole other conversation)

    So this past season, the new coach he had wanted to learn about him so I talked him up , and said he had the potential to be a leader , etc .

    Then came the first situation where one of the goalies cross checked him in the neck during practice . So i told him to talk with the coach . He did and coach came and talked with me after saying the goalie wonít do that anymore but DSnunderstands that if he stands in front of a goalie this is what will happen.

    So it kind of went downhill from there . I did tend to support the coach because Iím a teacher so I want that support but I did tell my DS he needs to speak up for himself . My DS would


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    Last edited by SAHMIL; 07-20-2020 at 08:28 AM.

  9. #9
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Heís only 11-12? Thatís a lot of pressure re. hockey, imo. I know other families do sports differently though. With the exception of occasionally doing club level swim teams, were rec level people (even our high school sports sound different). If it was hard on him socially and he didnít love playing then any 11-12 year old kid would want to stop. When youíd lecture him on stepping up his behavior to reach the higher level teams, what was his reaction? How much did he care? I just go back to wondering if he cares as much about hockey as you do. And if he doesnít then let it be. Heís so young. Let him see if he wants something else. Iím sure after spending all the time and money on it over the years makes it hard to walk away from but this is his childhood and his chance to try new things. Just sucks that during a pandemic that there arenít as many opportunities! My ds1 changed so much from middle school to high school. He was a total video game/ computer kid. Seemed impossible that heíd be anything else. Finished senior year as lead in the musical, section captain in band and earning varsity letters in 3 sports. I gave nudges where needed (sticking with swimming, joining stage crew, joining band) but he was interested and committed. Basically just saying to relax now. Heís young. Donít give up. Let him make some decisions and if they arenít group sports thatís ok. Just keep him active with runs in the neighborhood. Donít stress! Nobody is having a perfect time now and no middle schooler has things all figured out.


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  10. #10
    dogmom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Serious question: Does your DS think he is having a tough time?
    Honestly, from the outside, the whole hockey thing looks like a nightmare for him, so I would be relieved if my kid wanted to stop. There are so many ways to do things that don’t involve team sports. Right now I’m grateful for my kids not being in them since I don’t have to make hard choices about exposure vs. their mental well being. I would advise regrouping and having an honest and open conversation with your son about what he wants.

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