Eventually, I Will Learn to Prioritize Myself ...

[lizzywednesday]

... but, for now, I have a bronchitis-like cough (which I have had on-and-off since January), an intermittently-spiking low-to-medium-grade fever, and a UTI.

Telemedicine is awesome; I got to chat with a doctor, get medicine for the UTI, a rescue inhaler for the cough, and further instructions all without leaving the house. (Further instructions = "start using a pulmonologist to treat your asthma instead of black coffee")

Cough responds to both the inhaler and the OTC cough syrup I've been taking.
I've had 3 doses of the antibiotic (which I'm supposed to take 4x/day) and my stubble no longer hurts.

But, because this is 2020, I also have menstrual cramps. (Fortunately, they are very treatable with heat & ibuprofen.)

And, of course, because this is DH, telling him I wasn't feeling well and probably couldn't manage DD today went over like a lead balloon - I was accused of "taking out [my] sh!t on him" when all I said was that I really couldn't be the "default parent" today. I guess my tone was a little off because I had full-body pain from my UTI. )

What's going on in "I am not a priority land" with you?

[doberbrat]

I want to say some thing about your dh but I'll hold my tongue and just offer you a sincere hug in stead.

[jgenie]

I’m sorry. I too will hold my tongue.

I’m right there with you. It’s so easy to put everyone else first.

[StantonHyde]

Have you sought therapy for yourself? I know you pay attention to your DDs health, but you need to get therapy for yourself--based on reading many of your posts. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.

[lizzywednesday]

Have you sought therapy for yourself? I know you pay attention to your DDs health, but you need to get therapy for yourself--based on reading many of your posts. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.

No. I agree with you that that's a big part of the problem and continues to fall under "I am not making myself a priority." I know I have to put on my own oxygen mask first, but it's so much easier to tell everyone else and let my own health (mental & physical) go to sh!t.

Unfortunately, even during my telemedicine consult on Friday, I had to manage DD because DH was working. I have no alone time and very few spaces where I can comfortably sit with a reasonable degree of privacy.

We are all on top of each other and the house feels 1000% smaller, especially as he gets more and more antsy, bored, and irritable. He thinks he has social anxiety, but he really really really doesn't. He's an extrovert and needs people to recharge. (I'm not and I don't, so having both DH and DD underfoot since March has been my own personal H3ll; I was getting the psychosomatic "my skin hurts please don't touch me" feeling every day in May.)

[Myira]

You DH’s responses in my honest opinion are what they call “gaslighting” in psychology. It means never acknowledging or validating the other persons feeling or thoughts and completely questioning their reality. I do not know whether this is calculated behavior on his part or it’s just become a pattern and he does not realize how much it can hurt you. Intentional or not, this eventually takes a toll on the person at the receiving end by making them second guess themselves, loose self esteem and just loose themselves. It definitely does not have a place in a healthy relationship.
Many hugs to you.
From what I’ve read, confrontation with your DH will result in more gaslighting causing you more distress. I hope you have somewhere else in your life (therapist) where you can get the validation and support you need and deserve.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

I know people do their therapy appointments from their car for privacy.
What happens if you turn a movie on for dd and leave for 30-60 minutes? Does she really need to be monitored that closely?

Eta- if you ever get to the point where you need to shake up your marriage, we ALL have your back and would support your efforts ($, space...)
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[jgenie]

I know people do their therapy appointments from their car for privacy.
What happens if you turn a movie on for dd and leave for 30-60 minutes? Does she really need to be monitored that closely?

Eta- if you ever get to the point where you need to shake up your marriage, we ALL have your back and would support your efforts ($, space...)
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And I’m in driving distance.

I was going to suggest your car as well.

I’m a SAHM with a DH who works tons. I have more patience and know my kids quirks more so I was always default parent. I realized I was burning out so I started grocery shopping on Saturday mornings after coming upstairs from working out to find grumpy kids because DH was waiting for me to feed them breakfast. He now exclusively handles breakfast for them on weekends. Maybe try not being available to see if your DH steps up.

[bisous]

I love the idea of a car appointment. I think you can do it. I think you SHOULD do it. It will make a difference and you're worth it. Your DD will really benefit too from having a mom who is whole and healthy, if you need another reason to prioritize yourself. Get started because it can sometimes take time. You are truly worth it. We're all pulling for you!!

[Kestrel]

I know this is bitching post - but I wanted to suggest something. I put DS on the tablet with a movie and headphones during appointments.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I wish I could come over and help - but I couldn't be further away! (WA State)