Please be kind...

[hbridge]

This is not really for the BP, it's more a PSA... Please be kind and not snap at strangers...

Yesterday I was at the Post Office dropping off a package. There was a line of about 5 people, all wearing masks, patiently and quietly waiting at 6 ft intervals. When this happened, I was trying to "calculate" my 6 feet since there were no dots on the floor. The person at the front finished up and had to cross the line of people. I stepped back and smiled (mask on), but was in my own zone and did not do more than glance at her feet. She turned around as she went through the door and snapped "at least you could have looked at me!". Umm... WHAT! I am still really hurt by this, I don't know why. I was probably not looking "chipper" or "happy", my face was covered by a MASK and things are a little stressful right now. But REALLY???

So, just a reminder, people all need extra grace right now. Please try not to snap at strangers for anything, never mind little things that you may see as a slight that may just be the stress of the times!

I hoping that posting this will make me feel less like a jerk for not looking at the woman... ugh.

[Liziz]

Absolutely!!! I am constantly preaching the "don't assume it's a slight" and "give people the benefit of the doubt" message to my kids. It's so upsetting to have someone get mad at you when there was no malice on your part! For what it's worth, you clearly weren't a jerk and did nothing wrong....I don't think it's rude to not look at someone who is passing you in a situation like that, regardless. (and I suppose staying true to the "don't assume it's a slight" message, the snappy woman was probably very stressed and upset about something herself....)

It's interesting to see this though as I recently was thinking about the fact that I feel like I often communicate via a smile -- someone stops to let me cross in a parking lot? Nod with a smile. See an acquaintance from across the store when it's not convenient to go over and talk? Acknowledge with a smile. Talking on the phone but passing a neighbor outside? Smile. And I realized that no one is seeing these smiles anymore with my mask on! Just part of learning to live with masks, for now.

[carolinacool]

It's interesting to see this though as I recently was thinking about the fact that I feel like I often communicate via a smile -- someone stops to let me cross in a parking lot? Nod with a smile. See an acquaintance from across the store when it's not convenient to go over and talk? Acknowledge with a smile. Talking on the phone but passing a neighbor outside? Smile. And I realized that no one is seeing these smiles anymore with my mask on! Just part of learning to live with masks, for now.

Right?? When I smile, my eyes squint a little, so I hope people can tell that I am smiling. But the other day, I had a brief, pleasant exchange with a woman. I can't remember if we were outside of a store or had just walked in. But when I moved on, I realized I still had my sunglasses on and was wearing the mask. That woman could not see any expression on my face, which is really weird!

Hbridge, I am so sorry that happened to you. I also tend to dwell on people being unpleasant to me in public. I once heard someone say "Don't let jerks rent space in your brain," so I try to keep that in mind.

[wendibird22]

Oh I'm so sorry that person was so unpleasant. Of course, you must not be in NY, but we NY'ers pretty much don't ever make eye contact with anyone in public and so you'd totally not get that type of negative comment around here lol.

[dogmom]

See, I read this situation as completely different. It’s people wanting you to act a certain way. Why should you expect a stranger to look you in the eye, smile or even thank you for doing nothing really? I don’t understand the entitlement of someone expecting that. There are so many reasons why someone my be preoccupied with distractions or major issues that would not act the way you want them to act to what, make it your feel better about yourself? I do not get it. It’s nice if someone smiles or thanks me for holding a door for them, but I don’t expect it. You got out of someone’s way, I don’t think you owe them a smile or eye contact. The holding the door thing really bugs me. Curiously enough after decades on this planet I can open a door without really thinking about it while walking and being preoccupied by my thoughts. So sometimes if someone holds a door open It takes me a moment to really absorb that I didn’t open the door myself. I say thanks a lot, or nod, but plenty of times I’m not really aware of it. Once every couple of years someone snaps “You’re welcome!” I’m like are we five years old? You did not donate a kidney to me, you held open a door for a few extra seconds! I’m pretty sure Miss Manners would not say you are upholding politeness by insisting on a thank you.

[twowhat?]

Awwww I'm so sorry that happened to you! It is NOT your fault! She was having a bad day...took it out on you for no other reason than that you were there when she snapped. I'm sorry. It sucks.

Reminds me of the time I was in Chicago and didn't get out of my seat quickly enough on the subway when it stopped and the lady sitting next to me snapped "get UP!" I was SO upset. But there was absolutely NOTHING wrong that I did. Sheesh!

I hope you're able to let it roll off of you! I totally understand how it really rattles you.

[carolinacool]

See, I read this situation as completely different. It’s people wanting you to act a certain way. Why should you expect a stranger to look you in the eye, smile or even thank you for doing nothing really? I don’t understand the entitlement of someone expecting that. There are so many reasons why someone my be preoccupied with distractions or major issues that would not act the way you want them to act to what, make it your feel better about yourself? I do not get it. It’s nice if someone smiles or thanks me for holding a door for them, but I don’t expect it. You got out of someone’s way, I don’t think you owe them a smile or eye contact. The holding the door thing really bugs me. Curiously enough after decades on this planet I can open a door without really thinking about it while walking and being preoccupied by my thoughts. So sometimes if someone holds a door open It takes me a moment to really absorb that I didn’t open the door myself. I say thanks a lot, or nod, but plenty of times I’m not really aware of it. Once every couple of years someone snaps “You’re welcome!” I’m like are we five years old? You did not donate a kidney to me, you held open a door for a few extra seconds! I’m pretty sure Miss Manners would not say you are upholding politeness by insisting on a thank you.

It's funny that you say that. DH and I are working really hard with DS to get him to acknowledge when people do things like that: hold the door, slow down so you can cross the street, move out of your way. Just say thanks or give a friendly wave. I got so frustrated with him the last time we crossed the street, I snapped, " It's polite, and it's what we do in the South." lol

That said, I have never said anything to anyone who didn't acknowledge something. And I've never cared if someone passed me without looking me in the eye. That's a weird flex, as the kids say.

[NCGrandma]

It's funny that you say that. DH and I are working really hard with DS to get him to acknowledge when people do things like that: hold the door, slow down so you can cross the street, move out of your way. Just say thanks or give a friendly wave. I got so frustrated with him the last time we crossed the street, I snapped, " It's polite, and it's what we do in the South." lol

That said, I have never said anything to anyone who didn't acknowledge something. And I've never cared if someone passed me without looking me in the eye. That's a weird flex, as the kids say.

Yep, definitely regional differences!


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[bisous]

Yep, definitely regional differences!


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I'm in CA and no acknowledgement of a kindness like holding open the door would stick out to me. I wouldn't say anything to you but I'd be a little confused! Also wouldn't have noted someone not meeting my eye.

[JamiMac]

I'm in CA and no acknowledgement of a kindness like holding open the door would stick out to me. I wouldn't say anything to you but I'd be a little confused! Also wouldn't have noted someone not meeting my eye.

I’ve lived all over and not acknowledging a kindness sticks out anywhere! I always give an acknowledgement when crossing a street and I’ve told my kids it’s not only polite but you make sure the driver is actually paying attention to you!

OP you didn’t do anything wrong in your case. Are you sure she wasn’t speaking to the cashier?


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