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  1. #81
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    Quick update and more news:

    DD successfully transitioned to 4-days-a-week in-school hybrid (she still has ~1.5 hrs of class in the afternoons) and the transition to the brief remote instruction periods in the afternoons became easier during the 2nd week.

    This week, the district is adding Wednesdays back to the in-person rotation, which DD is nervous about, but she'll be fine doing.

    She's losing some of the "I'm bored and the kitchen is right here" weight she put on during 100% remote (she'd randomly leave class and grab snacks; I should note that all students receive a snack period around 11am to get them through to their 1pm lunch period - all students have lunch then, as in-person school is running on an early dismissal timeline) and is making more connections to in-person classmates now that she's going in.

    I'm starting to re-set my own task-lists and other self-focused behaviors, which is good because I was getting really snappish and hypercritical. (Now to work on that with DH ... but he's got to stay out of the bedroom during the workday first.)
    So happy for you all!! It has been a long road but you're finally seeing some progress!

  2. #82
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Im glad to hear your DD is adjusting well. So happy to hear you’re getting some self care. It has been a LONG year!
    for Carmen

  3. #83
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Tiny update: DD's school went to 5 in-person days (still early dismissal) the week of May 3rd and it's been spectacular for her. Sure, she whines a good bit about it, but it's no longer as huge a hassle as it had been when we started her back.

    We have an extended weekend coming up for Memorial Day (school district gives us any unused snow days at Memorial Day; we used 1, so we get the Friday and the Tuesday) which we hope won't throw things off again - DD struggles with big changes.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  4. #84
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    Tiny update: DD's school went to 5 in-person days (still early dismissal) the week of May 3rd and it's been spectacular for her. Sure, she whines a good bit about it, but it's no longer as huge a hassle as it had been when we started her back.

    We have an extended weekend coming up for Memorial Day (school district gives us any unused snow days at Memorial Day; we used 1, so we get the Friday and the Tuesday) which we hope won't throw things off again - DD struggles with big changes.
    Yeah!! You must be thrilled to have some time to yourself! Hope the long weekend doesn’t set her back.
    for Carmen

  5. #85
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Hi 6th grade! It's great! DD is making friends and she's been super-excited about all the clubs and sports ... but wait, is this an email from her teachers? Forgive the sarcasm; I'm a little punchy.

    DH and I met with DD's social studies teacher earlier in the week because she had some concerns. We don't think her concerns are petty or small, but we disagree with her conclusion that DD shouldn't be in an inclusion classroom placement (this is a team-teaching situation where kids with and without IEPs are mixed into a regular class; it's typically an environment in which DD thrives and it's specified in her IEP that this is the best placement for her) for Social Studies due to the combination of skills required.

    We agree that it's extremely challenging to have students who seem to need 1:1 or small group instruction to stay focused, but shifting her to stand-alone special ed will exacerbate her other challenges (namely that she acts out when she is bored or experiencing social conflict, both of which would happen in SpEd classes) and will not give her the skills to succeed later in middle school ... and into high school.

    I've received notes from all of her academic subject teachers in the past 2 weeks about behavior concerns - DD insists on visiting the nurse daily; DD struggles to transition between classes using "welcome work" assignments to get settled (the child struggles with transitions; we have stated this multiple times in her IEP meetings and apparently this is news?); DD struggles to regulate her emotions when she is frustrated (yes, that's part of the ADHD and something she's working on with her Case Manager) - which, granted, I'm thankful that we're hearing about these things NOW (October) than having teachers hold them until parent-teacher conference time in late November, but ... we haven't seen this kind of behavior since 2nd or 3rd grade.

    In addition to this, DH is back on the "we're getting a dog" bullsh!t because "it'll teach DD responsibility" ... so does getting herself up for school in the morning, learning to use a paper planner, and, oh, I dunno, learning skills to self-structure independent learning time in class.

    NO DOG.

    I HAVE SAID A THOUSAND TIMES NO DOG. Especially since we are supposed to be completely redoing our "guest" bathroom (followed quickly by our master bathroom) in the next month or so.

    Training a dog. Socializing a dog. Taking a dog to the vet. Arranging for boarding or pet-sitting if we travel. Feeding and grooming a dog. Walking a dog at 5am in the dark and cold. Because who's going to take the responsibility? Not our 11-year-old. Me.

    AND I DON'T WANT A DOG. I've tried. Believe me, I've really tried. And I just can't get on board.

    Not because it'll mean early morning walks or freezing my backside off if it's cold outside, but because the two people in this household who WANT the dog aren't the ones who're planning on taking any responsibility for it. The ones who are self-described night owls. The ones who can't get started in the morning without five alarms and a literal kick in the a$$. I can't be responsible for one more living thing in this house.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  6. #86
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    Hi 6th grade! It's great! DD is making friends and she's been super-excited about all the clubs and sports ... but wait, is this an email from her teachers? Forgive the sarcasm; I'm a little punchy.

    DH and I met with DD's social studies teacher earlier in the week because she had some concerns. We don't think her concerns are petty or small, but we disagree with her conclusion that DD shouldn't be in an inclusion classroom placement (this is a team-teaching situation where kids with and without IEPs are mixed into a regular class; it's typically an environment in which DD thrives and it's specified in her IEP that this is the best placement for her) for Social Studies due to the combination of skills required.

    We agree that it's extremely challenging to have students who seem to need 1:1 or small group instruction to stay focused, but shifting her to stand-alone special ed will exacerbate her other challenges (namely that she acts out when she is bored or experiencing social conflict, both of which would happen in SpEd classes) and will not give her the skills to succeed later in middle school ... and into high school.

    I've received notes from all of her academic subject teachers in the past 2 weeks about behavior concerns - DD insists on visiting the nurse daily; DD struggles to transition between classes using "welcome work" assignments to get settled (the child struggles with transitions; we have stated this multiple times in her IEP meetings and apparently this is news?); DD struggles to regulate her emotions when she is frustrated (yes, that's part of the ADHD and something she's working on with her Case Manager) - which, granted, I'm thankful that we're hearing about these things NOW (October) than having teachers hold them until parent-teacher conference time in late November, but ... we haven't seen this kind of behavior since 2nd or 3rd grade.

    In addition to this, DH is back on the "we're getting a dog" bullsh!t because "it'll teach DD responsibility" ... so does getting herself up for school in the morning, learning to use a paper planner, and, oh, I dunno, learning skills to self-structure independent learning time in class.

    NO DOG.

    I HAVE SAID A THOUSAND TIMES NO DOG. Especially since we are supposed to be completely redoing our "guest" bathroom (followed quickly by our master bathroom) in the next month or so.

    Training a dog. Socializing a dog. Taking a dog to the vet. Arranging for boarding or pet-sitting if we travel. Feeding and grooming a dog. Walking a dog at 5am in the dark and cold. Because who's going to take the responsibility? Not our 11-year-old. Me.

    AND I DON'T WANT A DOG. I've tried. Believe me, I've really tried. And I just can't get on board.

    Not because it'll mean early morning walks or freezing my backside off if it's cold outside, but because the two people in this household who WANT the dog aren't the ones who're planning on taking any responsibility for it. The ones who are self-described night owls. The ones who can't get started in the morning without five alarms and a literal kick in the a$$. I can't be responsible for one more living thing in this house.
    I'm so sorry. So frustrating!

    I just want to say good for you for continuing to advocate for her best placement. She's so lucky to have you as an unshrinking champion of what is best for you. And good for you and your boundaries on the dog! I don't have a problem with families who find great joy in pets. Sometimes it can even be amazing for kids who struggle! That said, I just don't follow your DH's logic that a dog will teach her responsibility. What is the natural consequence of her not taking responsibility for a dog? It will suffer and it is a living creature. It will absolutely end up on you. Big hugs!

  7. #87
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Oh, Lizzy! I’m sorry to hear the dog idea has resurfaced. I completely hear you on the not one more living thing in the house. Stand strong!

    You do an awesome job advocating for your DD. I’m sorry her school is giving push back. Hugs headed your way with P&PTs added for good measure!
    for Carmen

  8. #88
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Stand strong! Your IEP says one thing, the teacher can't change it because it's inconvenient or difficult. If they need an aide, student teacher or other helper to make it work; suggest they do that. We actually had an assistant principal come and do math with DS's fifth grade class every day; another student needed the 1:1 help and they didn't have anyone else. Be firm that you understand the difficulty; but that's what your IEP says and what she needs.

    There are plenty of other ways to teach responsibility. Years ago, my parents said that until my brother could set the dinner table every day for three months without being asked or reminded; they would not get a pet. It took him four years to get there.

  9. #89
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by bisous View Post
    I'm so sorry. So frustrating!

    I just want to say good for you for continuing to advocate for her best placement. She's so lucky to have you as an unshrinking champion of what is best for you. And good for you and your boundaries on the dog! I don't have a problem with families who find great joy in pets. Sometimes it can even be amazing for kids who struggle! That said, I just don't follow your DH's logic that a dog will teach her responsibility. What is the natural consequence of her not taking responsibility for a dog? It will suffer and it is a living creature. It will absolutely end up on you. Big hugs!
    Thank you; her other teachers have pulled in her case manager for assistance in getting DD settled and focused in class, which I appreciate, and they've also checked in with me about DD's mental state (etc) to be sure they're following the best course of action for her success.

    After we met with the Social Studies teacher, I sent an email to DD's case manager/school counselor to request another conversation, a plan for DD's success moving forward, and, if necessary, an IEP revisit to add supports for Social Studies. DD struggles with writing and expressive language, which I think may be her biggest challenges in succeeding in Social Studies (and History) classes moving forward. I've asked for support for her study skills, writing skills, and expressive language delay - she is capable of expressing the kinds of complex thoughts necessary in Social Studies/History classes, but she needs extra time and, sometimes, modified assignments, to get herself organized.

    The dog, well, I had pets growing up. I'm not a dog person. Not the way people expect to keep dogs today, anyway. And I will repeat that I have NEVER once seen DH interact with friends' or family members' dogs in the almost 19 years we've been together, so I continue to be absolutely baffled by this "we're getting a dog" thing.


    Quote Originally Posted by jgenie View Post
    Oh, Lizzy! I’m sorry to hear the dog idea has resurfaced. I completely hear you on the not one more living thing in the house. Stand strong!

    You do an awesome job advocating for your DD. I’m sorry her school is giving push back. Hugs headed your way with P&PTs added for good measure!
    Well, at least when I know about things in October, I can work the chain of command to get DD what she needs NOW, rather than not knowing until November when it's harder to get her back on track. I'm trying to arrange a meeting with her case manager this week; all I need is DH's schedule.

    I have been team "no dog" for so long, I'm not sure where else I could end up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    Stand strong! Your IEP says one thing, the teacher can't change it because it's inconvenient or difficult. If they need an aide, student teacher or other helper to make it work; suggest they do that. We actually had an assistant principal come and do math with DS's fifth grade class every day; another student needed the 1:1 help and they didn't have anyone else. Be firm that you understand the difficulty; but that's what your IEP says and what she needs.

    ...
    The "inclusion classroom" setting means there are two teachers team-teaching each subject. DD may need an additional layer of support because she has transition and focus challenges. She is capable of doing the work, with and without modifications, and she understands the content on a 6th-grade level.

    But there's a world of difference between needing an additional layer of support and insisting that there's a problem with a child's placement because the IEP isn't being followed. DD is entitled by Federal and State statute to a free-and-appropriate education in the least restrictive environment (LRE). Well, what other strategies have they tried in this LRE to support her free-and-appropriate education? This conversation seems to indicate that they've not tried anything other than trying to scare us. (And I like this teacher - she's matter-of-fact and experienced, with very high expectations. DD needs someone with high expectations to keep her engaged in the work, but she also needs study skills and clear expectations to succeed.)
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  10. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post

    Well, at least when I know about things in October, I can work the chain of command to get DD what she needs NOW, rather than not knowing until November when it's harder to get her back on track. I'm trying to arrange a meeting with her case manager this week; all I need is DH's schedule.
    I frequently read your posts and admire your love for your daughter and dedication to advocating for her. She may not always realize it now, but she is very fortunate you are looking out for her best interests. You are an amazing mom even when it feels frustrating. I have no advice, but I do know your fighting for her will pay off in the end.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

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