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  1. #31
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    My skin is prickling all over because I've internalized all the stress from managing my own anxiety about the pandemic, dealing with DD's teachers, job hunting (HA!), and supervising school-at-home.

    DH is starting to talk about "the Arizona plan" in the event things get really bad here (again) because he doesn't want his mom to go through any health crises while unsupported by family. We would DRIVE out to AZ, through states that are currently on our state's travel restrictions list, taking suitcases, supplies, food, DD's schoolwork, our bikes, etc., all to live at his parents' 2nd home for an indeterminate time during a f^cking pandemic.

    I can't even begin to explain why this is a terrible idea. I appreciate that he isn't happy about letting his parents travel out west, and that he was a f^cking beast all spring/summer until the ILs got back from AZ, but HOLY CR@P.

    We won't be in our own space. (This bothers me. I'm fine with spending a week out there, but the prospect of spending months out there fills me with existential dread and sends my anxiety into the stratosphere.)

    DD already struggles with transitions; this is a big reason we've opted to keep her remote, but transitioning to a new space plus the time-shift? NO.

    I will be responsible for DD's schooling back-shifted 2 hours (so, rather than starting class at 8:45am, she'll start at 6:45am, which means I have to get her up earlier to feed her and give her breakfast) - which demands that we also impose on MIL & FIL for the use of the kitchen (main house w/kitchen vs casita w/o kitchen) earlier than we'd normally do.

    DH insists that MIL will be available to help with DD's school, but *I* insist that MIL has her own life and it's extremely unfair to expect her to assist. (I'm also suspicious of MIL's particular flavor of "help" - I love her and respect her opinions, but for DD, interventions from MIL will not be helpful.)

    DH insists that MIL & FIL "owe" us because of all the help they've given BIL/SIL with their kids, but I disagree. They're in their 70s. They're retired. They've raised their own children. They do not owe us one dang thing.

    I finally told him to stop bringing it up and plan for Thanksgiving instead - we won't be getting together in person because we simply do not know what's going on this year with numbers, restrictions, or the weather - so that if I have to figure out how to brine & cook a turkey, and the sides he likes, and desserts, I can grab a timeline. It's just too much!
    Send him on his own and enjoy the peace!!

  2. #32
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Send him on his own and enjoy the peace!!
    This sounds like the perfect plan! Hold firm - I can’t imagine how hard this would be for you and your DD.


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  3. #33
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Send him on his own and enjoy the peace!!
    I'd be happy to do that, but that would mean he'd have to remember to do the grocery delivery thing. Also, being away from DD and me would spike HIS anxiety.

    Quote Originally Posted by jgenie View Post
    This sounds like the perfect plan! Hold firm - I can’t imagine how hard this would be for you and your DD.
    Fortunately, it's still just him talking out of his a$$, but I really do NOT want to deal.

    Also, someone who is an SLP here on the board brought up the fact that due to regulations in her state, she cannot deliver speech therapy to students who aren't in the same state where she's licensed. That may be my ace in the hole - DD receives twice-weekly speech therapy (she has a diagnosed speech-articulation issue for which she has an IEP) through school.

    If NJ's licensing requirements are similar, that would put her progress in speech at risk because she'd miss her IEP-mandated therapies if her school therapist can't deliver therapy to her if she's not in NJ.

    AND we'd also risk not being able to refill DD's focus medication if we got stuck out there, because her doctors aren't licensed to practice anywhere but NJ. (Also: as a "controlled substance," we can't get more than 1 month at a time.)
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  4. #34
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    As for getting therapy—it is dependent on the state where the patient is physically located. States have agreements usually with surrounding states to allow a doctor in Colorado to do a virtual visit with a patient in Wyoming for example. And those arrangements are currently temporary and are extended a month at a time. You can’t count that they will continue for the whole time you’re in Arizona. I manage a mental health clinic and we having real issues with patients who moved out of state. I realize the doctor is on the home state but since they are treating a patient in another state, they are essentially practicing in a state where they are not licensed to practice. This holds true for any licensed practitioner.

    And, as a kind aside—I assume you have considered therapy and meds for yourself? Sounds like DH won’t do that for his issues?
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  5. #35
    niccig is online now Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by StantonHyde View Post
    As for getting therapy—it is dependent on the state where the patient is physically located. States have agreements usually with surrounding states to allow a doctor in Colorado to do a virtual visit with a patient in Wyoming for example. And those arrangements are currently temporary and are extended a month at a time. You can’t count that they will continue for the whole time you’re in Arizona. I manage a mental health clinic and we having real issues with patients who moved out of state. I realize the doctor is on the home state but since they are treating a patient in another state, they are essentially practicing in a state where they are not licensed to practice. This holds true for any licensed practitioner.

    And, as a kind aside—I assume you have considered therapy and meds for yourself? Sounds like DH won’t do that for his issues?
    That’s was me about not being licensed to do speech therapy if child is physically in another state. Some states allowed it during the Spring, but others didn’t. Some SLPs are licensed in other states, but it’s expensive to keep it up, so that is rare.


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  6. #36
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by StantonHyde View Post
    As for getting therapy—it is dependent on the state where the patient is physically located. States have agreements usually with surrounding states to allow a doctor in Colorado to do a virtual visit with a patient in Wyoming for example. And those arrangements are currently temporary and are extended a month at a time. You can’t count that they will continue for the whole time you’re in Arizona. I manage a mental health clinic and we having real issues with patients who moved out of state. I realize the doctor is on the home state but since they are treating a patient in another state, they are essentially practicing in a state where they are not licensed to practice. This holds true for any licensed practitioner.
    Yeah, we're in NJ which is ... nowhere near AZ.


    And, as a kind aside—I assume you have considered therapy and meds for yourself? Sounds like DH won’t do that for his issues?
    Thank you.

    I still have phone calls to make about DD, which I haven't been making.

    Frankly, I find the provider search through our insurance to be overwhelming and I can't go to anyone who doesn't accept our insurance, but I have to get her squared away first. I am reluctant to start meds due to a Very Bad Experience with my mother on Prozac when I was a teenager, but I admit that the logical part of my brain understands that meds may be a big help for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by niccig View Post
    That’s was me about not being licensed to do speech therapy if child is physically in another state. Some states allowed it during the Spring, but others didn’t. Some SLPs are licensed in other states, but it’s expensive to keep it up, so that is rare.
    I need every weapon in my arsenal to keep DD's speech coverage through school. I'm going to hazard a guess that her school SLP isn't licensed outside of the NJ-PA area.

    I also need DH to understand that her pediatrician, who prescribes her focus meds, isn't licensed in AZ so if DD runs out while we're there, we won't be able to refill them. (His parents pay through the nose for a "concierge" provider, which is why they feel OK traveling out of state for extended periods of time, but between DD's attention-deficit and her heart, I don't like leaving NJ for more than a week.)
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  7. #37
    niccig is online now Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post




    I need every weapon in my arsenal to keep DD's speech coverage through school. I'm going to hazard a guess that her school SLP isn't licensed outside of the NJ-PA area.

    I also need DH to understand that her pediatrician, who prescribes her focus meds, isn't licensed in AZ so if DD runs out while we're there, we won't be able to refill them. (His parents pay through the nose for a "concierge" provider, which is why they feel OK traveling out of state for extended periods of time, but between DD's attention-deficit and her heart, I don't like leaving NJ for more than a week.)
    Her SLP probably isn’t licensed in AZ. I’m not and I’m much closer.

    I understand your DH wanting to help his parents, maybe he can find a way to do that without disrupting DD or upending life more. He could visit in his own or provide other support. DH visited his parents in MI in September, he and his siblings pay for house cleaner (have for years) and DH is in regular contact if MIL/FIL need anything. The grandparents are adults and they made decision to go to Arizona, they can make decisions to deal with what may happen if things get worse with covid.


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    Last edited by niccig; 10-31-2020 at 03:07 PM.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post

    I still have phone calls to make about DD, which I haven't been making.

    Frankly, I find the provider search through our insurance to be overwhelming and I can't go to anyone who doesn't accept our insurance, but I have to get her squared away first. I am reluctant to start meds due to a Very Bad Experience with my mother on Prozac when I was a teenager, but I admit that the logical part of my brain understands that meds may be a big help for me.
    .
    )
    Please remember that you need to put your own oxygen mask first. Not all meds are alike. Just skip Prozac and try another. For regular anxiety meds, you could make an appointment with your general practitioner. You really need to make sure your own head functions. I say this as someone who has been on anxiety meds for over 20 years. The difference is amazing. Also--ask your gp or your gynecologist for recommendations for a therapist. Good luck
    Mom to:
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  9. #39
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by StantonHyde View Post
    Please remember that you need to put your own oxygen mask first. Not all meds are alike. Just skip Prozac and try another. For regular anxiety meds, you could make an appointment with your general practitioner. You really need to make sure your own head functions. I say this as someone who has been on anxiety meds for over 20 years. The difference is amazing. Also--ask your gp or your gynecologist for recommendations for a therapist. Good luck
    Thank you again. I really appreciate being able to vent and, yes, get advice, even if I push back or don't take it.

    It's been too long since I've been to a doctor & our insurance is an open-access plan without referrals, so I don't have to choose a PCP. I haven't been keeping up on my wellness visits in general, so I've only been seeing (or telemed visiting with) doctors if I'm really ill or it's a critical need, like the time I lost my grip on a pasta pot & had to go to the ER or the time I broke my ankle. I used to be a lot better about the regular doc visits.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  10. #40
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Has this week been rough on anybody else or is it just us?
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

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