Got Cheese? 'Cause I Need a Whine Party

[lizzywednesday]

My DS has been in- person for much of this pandemic hope very similar issues. Now he is autistic and has ODD/ADHD as well as other Written LD, but it was just too much and it was negatively impacting our relationship.

DD has ADHD-Combined and we JUST got an IEP for her behaviors because I squeaky-wheeled things over the summer.

Her first trimester was spectacular, both academically and behaviorally, but this 2nd trimester was only good academically. (That is to say ... she got excellent grades, but her behavior was wanting.)

DH is also blaming ME for her behavior and his not being able to work, because it's distracting. Well tough sh!t. If he would get up on time and get to work earlier in the day instead of nope-ing out at random times, MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T THINK THAT SHE COULD DO IT TOO?????

Oh NO! I think that going back sounds like it will be good for her. If nothing else, it will help the school staff to recognize how much she is struggling and maybe present her with more help. I can't imagine how nice it will feel to have some distance for you too.

Well, it'll allow the behaviorist to observe her in action, too. She peace-ed out of most of the observation breakout rooms while doing Zoom meetups.

Part of the reason we didn't send her was the in-person schedule - it was originally pitched as A/B rotations and that wasn't stable enough for her. Then, when it actually started up, it was A cohort M/Th; B cohort Tu/F; Wednesday fully remote ... which, while not ideal, was at least a regular schedule. But it was also cold & flu season, so not at all worth sending her.

There were just too many moving parts, but if the district's "phase 4" plan (all children who desire in-person instruction will attend school 4 days/wk with 1 full-remote day for hygiene theater) happens as intended, the 4 day schedule will actually work out much better for her than either of the two previous models.

[lizzywednesday]

Just to update this a little:

We have to wait to hear back from the school about capacity for in-person instruction, which probably means we should've started the ball rolling earlier, but with DH so resistant to sending her in person I couldn't make a unilateral decision.

Here's the craziest part about her 2nd trimester grades - she has a high-A average in math and, after taking her time with the latest assessment test, tests at a 6th grade level (!) with her computational ability. (Teacher said today that DD's assessment score indicated 6th grade/3rd month of school for whatever this test measures.)

I realize that grades are only one tiny part of what's going on with the whole student, but I'm blown away by the difference she's shown with the latest assessment.

Anyway, today was another terrible day. She banged her computer around, demanded we sign her up for Band in middle school (because in 7th grade they get to take a trip to a Broadway show) during a virtual assembly for 5th graders, interrupted our meeting with her teachers, and then had a total meltdown because the middle school band director didn't answer her question, but "all the other kids'" questions were answered during the assembly.

She continued to peace-out of class, and then decided she's not going to school, never ever.

[lizzywednesday]

She. is. going. back. to. school.

I have to follow up with the main office to be sure it's still on a 4-hour schedule with extra help after 2pm; the District's outline doesn't specify.

[bisous]

She. is. going. back. to. school.

I have to follow up with the main office to be sure it's still on a 4-hour schedule with extra help after 2pm; the District's outline doesn't specify.

Oh my gosh! This is huge for you! I'm so happy for you both!

[lizzywednesday]

Oh my gosh! This is huge for you! I'm so happy for you both!

I mean, she won't start until April 12th, but still ... she has been home for over a year and it's no longer working. We'll spend spring break remembering where we put her backpack and ordering her a new water bottle if she won't take her Spider-Man one, plus getting her dividers for the 3-ring binder we bought for her to take notes & stay organized.

The behaviorist, school psychologist, and resource teachers will have more opportunities to observe her in medias res ... plus, she'll get the chance to re-learn how to behave in school before she's tossed into middle school in the fall. (6th grade is middle school here.)

I'll only be on call for her at drop-off (8:45am), pickup (1:20pm), and during the remote instruction period (~2-3:25pm) instead of ALL. FREAKING. DAY.

[jgenie]

Congratulations!!! I hope this spurs a turnaround for your DD. This year has been so hard for everyone. Hugs for hanging in there


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[lizzywednesday]

Congratulations!!! I hope this spurs a turnaround for your DD. This year has been so hard for everyone. Hugs for hanging in there

I mean, she's been fine (great, actually!) academically, but she has been an utter NIGHTMARE with everything else.

DH is tired.
I am tired.
DD is tired.

Apparently she wants to be free and not follow rules or directions. I don't know how she got to be this spoiled, because we've had multiple conversations about limits, rules, and why we make certain decisions as her parents over the years.

[Kestrel]

Sounds like a great change for your family.

Please remember to schedule some self-care while she's in school! Missed medical/dental for yourself, mental health care, and something FUN! It sure sounds like you've been getting the short end of the stick for a while.

[lizzywednesday]

Well, we told her last night (4/6) and while it went better than we expected, it still caused rolling-on-the-floor tantrumming and, after an ENTIRE DAY WHERE SHE THREW CRUMPLED PAPER, NOTEBOOKS, AND HIGHLIGHTERS AT ME, a decision that I was suddenly her BFF and she wanted to be with me.

To which DH reacted as if I'd killed a puppy and drunk its blood by telling her to bug off because "we'd just laid some heavy news on her"

OK, so she noped out of school on Monday, but Oh, OK, sweetie, you can have your Switch and your tablet. (Great, she also has to SHOWER because SHE STINKS but Heaven forbid she misses social time with the b!tch kid down the street who's using relational aggression to manipulate her, but fine.)

She noped out of school on Tuesday, but, oh, OK sweetie, you can have your Switch and your tablet ... AND you can annoy your already frazzled mother with a DEMAND to cuddle, and oh, look how mean Mommy is rejecting you. (Um, no, but OK, fine, and when she's up half the night because you allowed video game time after 6pm and won't get up to eat, get dressed, and log into homeroom, YOU can handle mornings because I'm on strike.)

What else can we do? (Um, how about try ... PARENTING?)

Eff all of this.

Today, she's grounded, but I have to take her for a walk.
I have to answer her teachers' emails.
I have to get the phone calls from the school psychologist.
I have to pull teeth with the outside therapist who can't seem to figure out technology and scheduling so I CAN ACTUALLY GET MY KID TO AN APPOINTMENT WE VERBALLY AGREED ON EARLIER THAT WEEK because in-person stuff beyond medical/dental is outside our comfort zone.

And I am exhausted.
I am hurt.
And stop informing me that I have no friends, no skills, and no job.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Going to come and kick your h's a$$ if he said that latter stuff to you. I might be short but I am hella scrappy.