How to proceed when you find out a good friend

[SnuggleBuggles]

This is ONE issue in life. And in life, there are 10,000,000 issues. For right now, it feels like a huge issue, but when it comes to bringing up kids or enjoying movies or planting flowers or... who someone supports in an election isn't going to affect it.

But, for a lot of us, that one issue will have a huge impact on our lives. It’s not like after Election Day who is elected won’t matter. We will be feeling the effects in all facets of our lives for at least the next 4 years, probably more with the ripples.


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[Gracemom]

I have many family members and friends who are Trump supporters and I am not. If I think about it too much I get upset, so I just don’t talk with them about it. I have very deeply held beliefs which they have labeled as being “pc”. It is hurtful because they are dismissive of what I find essential. I still value these people in my life so I mostly ignore it, but if they bring it up they know I will give my opinion.

[georgiegirl]

But, for a lot of us, that one issue will have a huge impact on our lives. It’s not like after Election Day who is elected won’t matter. We will be feeling the effects in all facets of our lives for at least the next 4 years, probably more with the ripples.


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I totally agree. If you are black or brown or Jewish or Muslim or disabled or gay or transgender or a woman or have mental health issues, it will negatively impact you. It’s not just one issue out of thousands for many people. If that’s the case for you (And I don’t mean you Snuggle Buggles), then consider yourself very lucky.


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[AngB]

DH and I disagree a lot politically, lately, mostly since his work has changed in the last 5 years and he is surrounded by people who spout certain cable news talking points all day. Every time we get in a political disagreement I donate small amounts of money to "my guy"'s campaign or similar. And DH is a work in progress but I think he is more likely to not vote or write someone in than actually vote opposite of me so I consider that progress.

[carolinacool]

But, for a lot of us, that one issue will have a huge impact on our lives. It’s not like after Election Day who is elected won’t matter. We will be feeling the effects in all facets of our lives for at least the next 4 years, probably more with the ripples.


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I totally agree. If you are black or brown or Jewish or Muslim or disabled or gay or transgender or a woman or have mental health issues, it will negatively impact you. It’s not just one issue out of thousands for many people. If that’s the case for you (And I don’t mean you Snuggle Buggles), then consider yourself very lucky.


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Amen. Honestly, this goes a lot deeper than normal left/right politics. I think we need to acknowledge that. After George Floyd was killed, my friend found it necessary to hang a sign at her house and say "We back the blue." Another post said "It's OK to be white." (Who said it wasn't?!)

I'm black, but I try really, really hard with her because we used to be super close. But a lot has changed over the past eight years. She remarried and moved to a very, very red area of our state. More than anything, she has a need to be accepted, so she's changed A LOT to fit with her new crowd. Sometimes my other friends and I don't even recognize her. One has already snoozed her on social media and I'm about to -- at least through the election. I think the one thing that keeps me from dropping her is I know the person she used to be before she got around all of these current influences. DH, who used to love her, hasn't had anything to do with her for about seven years and tells me I really need to let go of the past.

[wendibird22]

I cannot chose my family but I can chose my friends. I don't care what party you affiliate with or vote for. Except now. I cannot be friends with someone who knowingly votes for someone whose statements and policies attack BIPOC and LGBTQ individuals, and who has assaulted women. I can be friends with someone who disagrees with my beliefs related to life, guns, economics, foreign policy, etc. But I cannot be friends with someone who supports a candidate who simply disregards another person's humanity. That is not different political viewpoints. That's having a different moral compass.

[acmom]

I cannot chose my family but I can chose my friends. I don't care what party you affiliate with or vote for. Except now. I cannot be friends with someone who knowingly votes for someone whose statements and policies attack BIPOC and LGBTQ individuals, and who has assaulted women. I can be friends with someone who disagrees with my beliefs related to life, guns, economics, foreign policy, etc. But I cannot be friends with someone who supports a candidate who simply disregards another person's humanity. That is not different political viewpoints. That's having a different moral compass.

Perfectly said to sum up how I feel. I have some people in my life that I will never look at the same way after this.

[Jeanne]

It's immensely sh*tty right now but I think most of us are in the same boat with people we know. If it's not coming up in conversation with her, don't go there. I'm sure she's tempted to bring it up but I'm guessing she isn't for the sake of your friendship.

I have a few friends and family members that will vote opposite of me. They haven't shared egregious things on social media but what they have shared shows me they are uniformed, don't watch varied news, don't get the big picture, and don't understand what voting against their own self interests means. They are operating under the guise of this being a normal election and politics as usual when it's anything but. I agree it's hard not to think less of these people because again, this isn't a normal election. This isn't about the differences of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps vs. social safety net" opinions. Those are genuine differences of opinion and principals that are tolerable and only lead to moral ambiguity vs. outright moral outrage for a vote this year that could send us to a point of no return.

[ourbabygirl]

Yeah, that's basically how I feel, that I can't support a candidate that spews so much hate and so many lies. I could go on and on, but I agree, that I'm at a loss on how to understand people who support that, and how to be o.k. with that.

[Kindra178]

Every time presidential elections roll around here, I think of the French presidential elections I saw as a nanny in France back in the day. Us Americans feel like Republicans and Democrats are so different. How could we possibly find common ground? But in France there are Socialist candidates, Communist candidates, Ultra- Conservative candidates and other parties. THOSE candidates are night-and-day different. American Democratic and Republican parties are actually pretty similar in comparison.

This is what I learned in school. However, it's absolutely no longer the case. Our parties are no longer similar.

Also, when we were growing up, parties were much closer, everyone loved Reagan at the time. Lifelong Dems voted for him! For those who voted for Bush in 1988 just hoped to continue the Reagan era.

This year everything is different. Voting for Romney was not voting for a racist, sexist, will destroy the environment, purposefully made a plan to separate moms from young children (like Hitler, sat around a table and determined that separating moms and toddlers would serve as a deterrent for immigration; when queried that the system can't handle this and children will get lost, we elected a president and team of leaders who were fine with that). I haven't even mentioned Covid.

Other than some dear friends in college, I cannot knowingly be friends with anyone who supports Trump.