How to proceed when you find out a good friend

[DualvansMommy]

It isn’t politics like in years past to me. Not when we have someone currently in the White House writing EO orders condemning anti racism work and promoting white supremacy. It’s so beyond that now.

My FIL is a trumpeter, mainly because of the single vote with the conservative Supreme Court pick. But he also went on a tirade against our governor for the unemployment, saying it was wrong to give money to them. He really felt they preferred to sit at home and collect the covid emergency 600 unemployment, and I called him out on it saying it barely makes a dent. Especially when you have to pay for private health insurance, cuz you lost the job with benefits....so I actively cut out anyone in my life who backs up current admin and just hit snooze on anyone not close to me in FB.


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[carolinacool]

Yeah, not to get this kicked to the Politics thread, but the racists have been emboldened. There are been some rallies here in North Carolina that are unbelievable. People flashing white power signs, carrying hateful signs, mocking the deaths of black people at the hands of polices and out proudly doing it, all while wearing his name all over the place. And never one word of admonishment. It's really unbelievable.

[dogmom]

One of my oldest and best friends is dating someone who is treating her great and I’m really happy for her. I wasn’t seeing much of her, which I chalked up to being busy with the new guy. However, over the last six months from things she said I realize that he’s supportive of a president, which is someone she used to hate and it drove her crazy that her dad supported him. He is very good for her, I would avoid the issue when we get together, but I think she has been bringing it up in a testing way. She is also a nurse and she’s reacting to the stress of Covid differently that me. Basically wanted to hole up in her safe enclave, not hang out with people in town, talk about riots likes it’s actually happening where we live. (It’s not.) Part of me realizes there are several things going on here, no I really don’t know what I can do about it. I can only listen to her go one about she doesn’t care about “the people that don’t help themselves” and she doesn’t know why we “keep talking about Covid when are dying of malaria”. I’m like, “How’s the dog! You sold your house, that’s great! Cook anything good lately?” I’m running out of things to talk about for any length of time before somehow the conversation gets turned back to fraught territory. It’s not like he’s brainwashed her, she hasn’t not been a city person, tends not to be as willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, and generally is more fearful of some crime happening to her than I am. So I’m not surprised she was carrying pepper spray in Boston since Covid because she thinks there are going to be food riots or something. I think she doesn’t feel safe and this is part of it. I’m trying to validate her feelings, but I can’t lie and say I’m fearful of the same things she is.

In the end I just have to limit in person contact with her (which she’s be avoiding anyways, so no big deal) and hope things get better after the elections and maybe a vaccine. It’s sad to me if I lose her as a friend, but I am not seeing her really putting herself out there for me and my family right now, so in the short term it’s not a big deal. Long term I don’t know what will happen. She’s said disparaging things about me sending my son to any college but a community one and about trans children being confused (my other child) so I just have to distance myself for a while.

[bisous]

I liked Lisa (Gatorsmom's) observation that our parties here are so much closer than those in many other countries. I have strong political feelings this time around and I know many people share that! If I get too into the weeds, I start letting my political feelings influence how I feel about the people around me that I love, but I try to step back and consider the whole person. I can tell you I've been blessed to know people of difference political persuasions so that I can definitively say that there are good people who feel differently about different issues. I don't always agree or understand it but I can respect it.

I can also see that there is a lot of ugliness that coincides with certain adherents of a popular candidate. I don't think that represents all of his followers. But neither does that absolve those individuals of their ugliness. I'm not sure how else to say it without getting more descriptive and turning this political!

I guess in short, there is a lot of ugliness. Not everyone associated with this movement adheres to that ugliness but it is also hard not to ignore it. I'm really hoping our politics simmers down a little bit. We all the need the break!

[carolinamama]

I've struggled with this over the last 4 years. Ultimately, I ended up hanging out with supporters of the other party less and less. It sort of happened naturally. It doesn't just feel like a political difference of opinion under this administration but a pretty profound difference of how we think about humanity. I know that probably doesn't help much, but it's an issue for many of us.

[mom_hanna]

I cannot chose my family but I can chose my friends. I don't care what party you affiliate with or vote for. Except now. I cannot be friends with someone who knowingly votes for someone whose statements and policies attack BIPOC and LGBTQ individuals, and who has assaulted women. I can be friends with someone who disagrees with my beliefs related to life, guns, economics, foreign policy, etc. But I cannot be friends with someone who supports a candidate who simply disregards another person's humanity. That is not different political viewpoints. That's having a different moral compass.

This is exactly how I feel. You said it much better than I could have.

[JustMe]

For me, there is no line between the personal and political right now. Things are very scary.

[meggie t]

This is so interesting to me. When I met my now DH, and his family, I was shocked to find that most of his family did not have close friends that were of the opposite political persuasion. My parents, and my siblings and I, always had friends that ran the gamut - whether it be family make up, religion, politics, etc. I didn't understand it and I thought it to be so short sighted and a little sad. Now, while I don't feel this way, from reading this thread I see that they aren't alone. I am viscerally opposed to the platform of the opposing party, but I have many friends who support it. But my friendships aren't based on politics. Now, in my old age I am slightly more choosey with new friends, but not so much so as to not be welcoming or pleasant. I just might not ask them to hang out! I suppose if a person wore their politics on their sleeve and was constantly talking about it, I might reconsider.

You have to choose if they are important enough for you to continue the friendship. If not, it will probably die out naturally.

[ezcc]

This is a tough one for me too, while most of my friends share my viewpoint politically or at least close enough, a few of dh's friends do not. I am finding myself less and less willing to be around them, and even dh is starting to feel that way. As others have said- it goes beyond politics really- and I will stop there before this thread gets sent to the politics forum .

[jbbhb]

I cannot chose my family but I can chose my friends. I don't care what party you affiliate with or vote for. Except now. I cannot be friends with someone who knowingly votes for someone whose statements and policies attack BIPOC and LGBTQ individuals, and who has assaulted women. I can be friends with someone who disagrees with my beliefs related to life, guns, economics, foreign policy, etc. But I cannot be friends with someone who supports a candidate who simply disregards another person's humanity. That is not different political viewpoints. That's having a different moral compass.

This is exactly how I feel! Thank you for saying it better than I have been able too.



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