Mental Health of Teens w/Quarantine

[wendibird22]

So I had a similar discussion with my mom who thought how awful it is to be shut down and shut in for so long and that this must be terribly detrimental to kids and teens. And it might very well be. But I also reminded her that she grew up in the late 40s and 50s at a time when the family had one car, used by dad, and that mom and kids hardly went anywhere. Kids played in the neighborhood and rode bikes to nearby places. Moms basically stayed home except to get groceries. Eating out at a restaurant was a rarity and going to a movie theater was a special treat. There were not malls to just walk around and hang out at. Schools didn't have many extracurricular or sports (especially not for girls) and at least where my mom went to school, they all walked home for lunch and then back to school for the afternoon so no cafeteria socialization. Oh and no buses. You walked to school. So I drew the conclusion that the past 6 months hasn't been too far removed from the 40s and 50s era EXCEPT for access to technology to facetime and game and do other interactive things. I don't know what the teen suicide rate was in the 40s and 50s and how that compares to now, but it certainly didn't seem like a concern back then as it is now. So I pointed out to my mom that she survived her childhood and teen years just fine. And that, to me, these past 6-7months have seem more like a cultural "reset" that has caused us to return back to staying closer to home, seeing going out to do things as a luxury not an entitlement, and being in the indoors with neighbors or just locally much more. To me things are far less hectic and in the end far less stressful for DH and me and the kids because we aren't trying to be 101 places at a time, with a jam packed schedule, or feeling pressure to keep up with the Jones.

That's my 2 cents.

[PZMommy]

I think a lot also depends on location. My husband teaches high school. He teaches primarily Latino students, a community being hit hard by covid. His kids aren’t struggling with quarantine. They are struggling with covid. Every week students are sending him a message saying their family is sick, or this family member died. He is terrified to go back to work, because he sees how fast it is spreading, and if they were in class together, it would be a disaster.

In my district, all middle and high school students were given a 30 minute “advisory” class. Every teacher is assigned a group (15 students per class). The whole focus of this “class” is social emotional and a check in. My own son finds it a waste of time, because he is doing fine with being at home. He rather have an extra 30 minutes for lunch or to do his school work. But I do feel it serves a purpose for some students.

And I think it was dogmom, who brought this up, but for those of you whose communities aren’t affected by covid yet, just wait. It only takes one person. My hometown (Midwest), really wasn’t affected at the beginning. Within the last few weeks, it is now out of control and the local hospitals are getting overwhelmed. Community rate went up to 11.8% as of Friday. All summer, people were taking vacations to Wisconsin and Florida and acting as if life was normal, and as soon as they came back and schools opened up, the covid rates sky rocketed. They are trying to get things under control, but it is a very conservative area who is resistant to closing things down. There has been an outbreak at every school in the district (42 of them), and even the district superintendent got it when his own child brought it home from school. Despite this, people still aren’t taking it seriously and are fighting wearing a mask or taking even the most basic precautions. There was a huge gathering just 30 minutes away yesterday when Trump visited a nearby city, so I’m sure it is only going to get worse as many did not wear masks and there was absolutely no social distancing.

[westwoodmom04]

So I had a similar discussion with my mom who thought how awful it is to be shut down and shut in for so long and that this must be terribly detrimental to kids and teens. And it might very well be. But I also reminded her that she grew up in the late 40s and 50s at a time when the family had one car, used by dad, and that mom and kids hardly went anywhere. Kids played in the neighborhood and rode bikes to nearby places. Moms basically stayed home except to get groceries. Eating out at a restaurant was a rarity and going to a movie theater was a special treat. There were not malls to just walk around and hang out at. Schools didn't have many extracurricular or sports (especially not for girls) and at least where my mom went to school, they all walked home for lunch and then back to school for the afternoon so no cafeteria socialization. Oh and no buses. You walked to school. So I drew the conclusion that the past 6 months hasn't been too far removed from the 40s and 50s era EXCEPT for access to technology to facetime and game and do other interactive things. I don't know what the teen suicide rate was in the 40s and 50s and how that compares to now, but it certainly didn't seem like a concern back then as it is now. So I pointed out to my mom that she survived her childhood and teen years just fine. And that, to me, these past 6-7months have seem more like a cultural "reset" that has caused us to return back to staying closer to home, seeing going out to do things as a luxury not an entitlement, and being in the indoors with neighbors or just locally much more. To me things are far less hectic and in the end far less stressful for DH and me and the kids because we aren't trying to be 101 places at a time, with a jam packed schedule, or feeling pressure to keep up with the Jones.

That's my 2 cents.

You left out that kids went to school in person in the 1940s, which is the one thing we are all going back and forth about.

[bcafe]

You left out that kids went to school in person in the 1940s, which is the one thing we are all going back and forth about.

The stay at home mothers also visited and socialized with each other during the day.

[wendibird22]

You left out that kids went to school in person in the 1940s, which is the one thing we are all going back and forth about.

The stay at home mothers also visited and socialized with each other during the day.

Yes true on both counts. I guess it depends where you live. My kids are going to school in person (100%mask wearing at all times plus plexiglass on desks) and around here the stay at home parents are socializing with neighbors outside and those who aren’t on zooming happy hours right and left.


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[nfceagles]

There was definitely a mental health crisis pre pandemic that needs addressing. There are kids without food security and in very difficult situations now. We all need to find ways to support each other through those challenges.

But for healthy teens who’s needs are being met, there is a time and place to teach them to weather the difficult storm and how to make sacrifices for the sake of others. I don’t want to raise my teens to think that they aren’t capable of enduring a challenging situation or that their sleepovers and extracurriculars are more important than the health of their community. My dad fought in Vietnam when he was a teen and my grandfathers fought in WWII when they were teens. I don’t think it’s too much to ask my teens to do their part to help keep transmission rates in our community low enough that those who must be out and about (teachers, HCWs, nursing home aides, police, etc...) can do so in reasonable safety. Low enough that we can keep our schools open so that those who NEED the schools open so they can work have the means to do so. It’s hard. I think kids today are tougher than we give them credit for. I actually think it’s our generation who is soft and can’t bear to watch our kids suffer.

My two cents and to be fair my kids have been in school full in person for a few weeks, hybrid before that. But that’s only because our community has worked hard to keep transmission levels low enough. Even still we have a real teacher shortage here and it’s impossible to find subs. My middle schooler has several long term subs who can’t seriously teach the curriculum (Spanish, Art, LA). If we don’t keep things safe enough and bearable enough for teachers we won’t be able to keep our schools open just because we say we should.


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[dogmom]

There was definitely a mental health crisis pre pandemic that needs addressing. There are kids without food security and in very difficult situations now. We all need to find ways to support each other through those challenges.

But for healthy teens who’s needs are being met, there is a time and place to teach them to weather the difficult storm and how to make sacrifices for the sake of others. I don’t want to raise my teens to think that they aren’t capable of enduring a challenging situation or that their sleepovers and extracurriculars are more important than the health of their community. My dad fought in Vietnam when he was a teen and my grandfathers fought in WWII when they were teens. I don’t think it’s too much to ask my teens to do their part to help keep transmission rates in our community low enough that those who must be out and about (teachers, HCWs, nursing home aides, police, etc...) can do so in reasonable safety. Low enough that we can keep our schools open so that those who NEED the schools open so they can work have the means to do so. It’s hard. I think kids today are tougher than we give them credit for. I actually think it’s our generation who is soft and can’t bear to watch our kids suffer.



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Very good point. My 82 yo MIL live with us. We had to rearrange things in the house a bit to give her a truly separate area. Then since I was working in a Covid ICU and my DH was working extra to get the a town government up and running remotely the teens we put in charge of the twice a day cleaning operation dubbed “keep grandma alive”. Luckily we realized that it wasn’t so much on surfaces infecting people about the same time they were starting to lose interest, but there are defiantly a lot of conversations about common good and we have it pretty easy as family and are fortunate.

I also appreciate the comment of the PP whose DH is an educator in a school with many Spanish speaking students. The difference in the day to day lives of people in the hardest hit communities in my state look completely different than my home community. I see in the hospital every day. Seeing the number of young adults and teens that were bringing sick parents home to care for instead of sending them to rehab in the peak of Covid then checking FB to see parents complaining their teens’ sport was cancelled and how were they going to get a college scholarship was just hard to take in.

Having said all that, none of this matters for real clinical depression or anxiety. I realize if your kid is truly suffering as opposed to just trying to adjust telling them they have it good does not help. It’s like telling someone who has severe depression just to have more positive attitude. It also helps to remind ourselves that as parents we need to look after are own mental health also.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

There was definitely a mental health crisis pre pandemic that needs addressing. There are kids without food security and in very difficult situations now. We all need to find ways to support each other through those challenges.

But for healthy teens who’s needs are being met, there is a time and place to teach them to weather the difficult storm and how to make sacrifices for the sake of others. I don’t want to raise my teens to think that they aren’t capable of enduring a challenging situation or that their sleepovers and extracurriculars are more important than the health of their community. My dad fought in Vietnam when he was a teen and my grandfathers fought in WWII when they were teens. I don’t think it’s too much to ask my teens to do their part to help keep transmission rates in our community low enough that those who must be out and about (teachers, HCWs, nursing home aides, police, etc...) can do so in reasonable safety. Low enough that we can keep our schools open so that those who NEED the schools open so they can work have the means to do so. It’s hard. I think kids today are tougher than we give them credit for. I actually think it’s our generation who is soft and can’t bear to watch our kids suffer.

My two cents and to be fair my kids have been in school full in person for a few weeks, hybrid before that. But that’s only because our community has worked hard to keep transmission levels low enough. Even still we have a real teacher shortage here and it’s impossible to find subs. My middle schooler has several long term subs who can’t seriously teach the curriculum (Spanish, Art, LA). If we don’t keep things safe enough and bearable enough for teachers we won’t be able to keep our schools open just because we say we should.


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I agree with all this 1000% and feel the same exact way.

[newnana]

We recognize we've been very blessed with our situation for DH and I and for the way teen DD is embracing all of this and navigating ways to make the most of the situation safely. She's schooling 100% remote for the year, completely asynchronously. The extra sleep has been huge for her. She's discovered she prefers remote face to face time over things like google meet and facetime for all socialization rather than in person with a mask. She's more comfortable reading facial cues and hearing and not worrying about exposure so she's doing a ton of school clubs that way. She has also recognized that without the forced togetherness of in person school and her rigid schedule, she's able to really enjoy the virtual clubs she participates in rather than worrying about what is due tomorrow. As an introvert, she's also not as drained by the negative experiences by putting on her game face all day with everyone and all that wasted filler time at school. There's a lot she misses, but a lot she has recognized she's gained.

She pointed out that her sensory issues have gotten significantly worse not putting on shoes, backpack, coat, getting jostled and inundated with sound all day at school. She's super self-aware, which really helps. With her crazy busy schedule previously, we can now actually schedule regular virtual sessions with her therapist to talk about all the stuff she needs to talk about: anxiety, depression, sensory stuff, whatever she needs. With the reduced outside positive adult interactions she's having like she used to have with school staff, teachers, librarians, coaches, etc, it's been nice for her to have a trained professional she really clicks with to provide some good focused insight. Again, we recognize we are lucky to have these resources at our disposal and she has a safe place for her all her needs. While I worried about social media and screen time pre-covid, for us it has only been a huge benefit. We're allowing/encouraging DD to sign up for platforms we never would have previously (she still knows we monitor) and there has been a significant increase in the socialization we have seen, even if only online. For our DD, the reduced stress of making it through the school/extracurricular day has significantly increased her social anxiety and opened her up to putting herself out there in ways she wouldn't before with the clubs and conversations she participates in. I know this is just our story and unique to our situation, but it has definitely been a huge net positive here in our house. We're exploring the option of continuing this type of schooling long term, it's available in our school district free of charge, even pre-covid.

We'll see, we're following her lead on this. She's always been a high performer with anxiety inducing self inflicted goals, so getting her to focus on things other than school and what she can actually control has been really comforting to her. If I could only be so mature.

[wendibird22]

We recognize we've been very blessed with our situation for DH and I and for the way teen DD is embracing all of this and navigating ways to make the most of the situation safely. She's schooling 100% remote for the year, completely asynchronously. The extra sleep has been huge for her. She's discovered she prefers remote face to face time over things like google meet and facetime for all socialization rather than in person with a mask. She's more comfortable reading facial cues and hearing and not worrying about exposure so she's doing a ton of school clubs that way. She has also recognized that without the forced togetherness of in person school and her rigid schedule, she's able to really enjoy the virtual clubs she participates in rather than worrying about what is due tomorrow. As an introvert, she's also not as drained by the negative experiences by putting on her game face all day with everyone and all that wasted filler time at school. There's a lot she misses, but a lot she has recognized she's gained.

She pointed out that her sensory issues have gotten significantly worse not putting on shoes, backpack, coat, getting jostled and inundated with sound all day at school. She's super self-aware, which really helps. With her crazy busy schedule previously, we can now actually schedule regular virtual sessions with her therapist to talk about all the stuff she needs to talk about: anxiety, depression, sensory stuff, whatever she needs. With the reduced outside positive adult interactions she's having like she used to have with school staff, teachers, librarians, coaches, etc, it's been nice for her to have a trained professional she really clicks with to provide some good focused insight. Again, we recognize we are lucky to have these resources at our disposal and she has a safe place for her all her needs. While I worried about social media and screen time pre-covid, for us it has only been a huge benefit. We're allowing/encouraging DD to sign up for platforms we never would have previously (she still knows we monitor) and there has been a significant increase in the socialization we have seen, even if only online. For our DD, the reduced stress of making it through the school/extracurricular day has significantly increased her social anxiety and opened her up to putting herself out there in ways she wouldn't before with the clubs and conversations she participates in. I know this is just our story and unique to our situation, but it has definitely been a huge net positive here in our house. We're exploring the option of continuing this type of schooling long term, it's available in our school district free of charge, even pre-covid.

We'll see, we're following her lead on this. She's always been a high performer with anxiety inducing self inflicted goals, so getting her to focus on things other than school and what she can actually control has been really comforting to her. If I could only be so mature.

Agreed. My 13yr old has a hybrid schedule, 2days in person, 3 remote, and she too is an introvert. She's thriving with this mix. And one of the things I've praised her for is her ability to be self-driven in showing up to google meets when she needs to be synchronous, managing her homework and home learning on a schedule that's her own making, managing taking breaks appropriately and not getting sidetracked or distracted too much, seeking teacher office hours when she needs help. All of these things I've told her are going to prepare her EXTREMELY well for college. All are college student skills and she'll have them in place before her freshman year. How awesome is that! I get that I'm fortunate that I have a self-driven learner who generally likes school and does well. I get that's not everyone's experience and that some students already struggle with school and being remote just exacerbates that. But I do think there are upsides to this experience for our learners.