Outdoor thanksgiving menu - updated

[bisous]

Wow! I thought this was such a lovely idea and I’m being more careful than most. I would have expected push back to have come more from people wanting to be comfortable indoors instead. So sorry. I think this is going to be a very difficult holiday season for families trying to come to some sort of agreement.


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Totally. I'm so sorry!

OP, I could be way off but I sense that some of your family members are exerting their influence out of unkind maybe even jealous motivations. In other words, it seems like this is a case of--it isn't you, it's them?

I like the idea of inviting Grandma separately and carrying on with your plan.

[georgiegirl]

Ugh I’m so sorry. Your brother and cousin are being ridiculous. You came up with a safe plan, and there is clearly something else going on with them.


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[basil]

Totally. I'm so sorry!

OP, I could be way off but I sense that some of your family members are exerting their influence out of unkind maybe even jealous motivations. In other words, it seems like this is a case of--it isn't you, it's them?

I like the idea of inviting Grandma separately and carrying on with your plan.

Thanks. Yes, cousin and I have always had a tough relationship, since we were tiny kids. Her, my brother, and I are the only 3 grandchildren on this side. She's extremely hot and cold, she went for several months without speaking to me and blocked me from social media a few years back over a text that literally said "are you going to [***] this weekend?" She likes my brother much better than me. Anyway, I have the strong feeling that she would interpret me having my grandmother over after she said it was a bad idea as some sort of insult. So I dunno.

[bisous]

Thanks. Yes, cousin and I have always had a tough relationship, since we were tiny kids. Her, my brother, and I are the only 3 grandchildren on this side. She's extremely hot and cold, she went for several months without speaking to me and blocked me from social media a few years back over a text that literally said "are you going to [***] this weekend?" She likes my brother much better than me. Anyway, I have the strong feeling that she would interpret me having my grandmother over after she said it was a bad idea as some sort of insult. So I dunno.

It sounds like she'll interpret anything you do in a bad way so why worry? If it were me I'd say something along the lines that, "Everyone is invited, I feel like we're taking adequate precautions, but choose whatever you feel is best for your family" and leave it at that. If your grandma or other family members want to come, leave that up to them.

You're being super accommodating and polite. If she wants to take offense, that is her prerogative but especially if she routinely does so for no reason, there's really no loss right?

[SnuggleBuggles]

It sounds like she'll interpret anything you do in a bad way so why worry? If it were me I'd say something along the lines that, "Everyone is invited, I feel like we're taking adequate precautions, but choose whatever you feel is best for your family" and leave it at that. If your grandma or other family members want to come, leave that up to them.

You're being super accommodating and polite. If she wants to take offense, that is her prerogative but especially if she routinely does so for no reason, there's really no loss right?

I don't have patience for family drama and would be a-ok if the cousin decided to be petty. Life would probably be more peaceful!

[jgenie]

It sounds like she'll interpret anything you do in a bad way so why worry? If it were me I'd say something along the lines that, "Everyone is invited, I feel like we're taking adequate precautions, but choose whatever you feel is best for your family" and leave it at that. If your grandma or other family members want to come, leave that up to them.

You're being super accommodating and polite. If she wants to take offense, that is her prerogative but especially if she routinely does so for no reason, there's really no loss right?

I would do what you plan and people can decide to come or stay home as they see fit.

[basil]

I know, I know. It's easier said than done when it's your family. A friend with her behavior would have been gone from my life long ago. This is very complicated, though, and the history is so long. My mom is like her only mom figure (her bio mom was an alcoholic and died young) and my grandmother always favored me (the nerdy studious one) over her (the rebellious tatooed one who was the daughter of the DIL she hated) when we were kids/teens. And still to this day actually if I'm honest, even though cousin really goes out of her way to help Grandmother out more than I do. So there is guilt on my part for that, and I truly do not want to have the drama in my life, or put my mother through the drama, of starting WWIII with cousin.

I'm not really sure what I'll do. DH says not to push it because if something terrible did happen - Grandmother develops COVID from our party or from elsewhere or worse passes suddenly then it will be all on me forever.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know, I know. It's easier said than done when it's your family. A friend with her behavior would have been gone from my life long ago. This is very complicated, though, and the history is so long. My mom is like her only mom figure (her bio mom was an alcoholic and died young) and my grandmother always favored me (the nerdy studious one) over her (the rebellious tatooed one who was the daughter of the DIL she hated) when we were kids/teens. And still to this day actually if I'm honest, even though cousin really goes out of her way to help Grandmother out more than I do. So there is guilt on my part for that, and I truly do not want to have the drama in my life, or put my mother through the drama, of starting WWIII with cousin.

I'm not really sure what I'll do. DH says not to push it because if something terrible did happen - Grandmother develops COVID from our party or from elsewhere or worse passes suddenly then it will be all on me forever.

It's all so hard now. I'm sorry that your great, thoughtful plan wasn't met with our enthusiasm. Families can certainly be challenging!

[Liziz]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear your update! I really think you had a great and safe plan and am so frustrated that it seems like your brother and cousin are saying no to it for reasons that are more than they say (I mean seriously, I don't know how your brother can claim he's uncomfortable with an outside event with you when he's allowing his kids to hang out inside at your house!).

One thing to consider - if your Grandmother is still of sound mind, have you asked HER what she's comfortable with and how she wants to spend Thanksgiving? She deserves a choice too. As my grandma got older and more feeble, I watched her very loving children take over care more and more - but they started to prioritize things in a way that made THEM comfortable, not my grandma. They didn't do it on purpose and it all came from love, but I really think my grandma would have chosen a few things differently. And although not exactly the same, I have an elderly relative that still does a few activities that concerned me (as in I felt she was being more risky with her health than she should). However, her position is that she is already old and the pandemic is likely going to be around for awhile, and while she's careful to not do things that endanger public health at large, she's comfortable taking some risks for a degree of normalcy and social interaction. If she survives COVID but has massive cognitive decline because she's been entirely isolated for a year (she lives alone) she doesn't really see that as a win. So, while we make safe choices (like outdoor settings and masks), we do interact still because the risk is worth it to her.

[KpbS]

Thanks, everyone, these all sound delightful! I really liked the idea of turkey empanadas, and I have never heard of those sweet potatoes in orange cups but those look delicious too. My kids may even eat it if I threw a few marshmallows on top.

But unfortunately, my party idea was rejected. My brother and my cousin have decided that my family and I are still too dangerous to hang out with even outside and masked. It doesn't make much sense since my brother is happy to send his kids over here to play with my kids even indoors. My cousin has accused me of "risking our grandmother's life" and I'm just tired, and hurt. The overall mortality of a 99 year old in 2017 was 29%. Which means there's a good 1 in 3 chance we won't get another go at Thanksgiving, maybe even more in COVID times. She lives in an independent living apartment where they do meals and such for her, and I'm sure they will have some sort of Thanksgiving activity, and I'm sure she will go. It's undoubtedly more dangerous than my backyard.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions. I'm off to rage shop now.

Invite Grandma. Enjoy your immediate family plus Grandma (and your parents too?) Don't worry about those other folks. Have a great outdoor Thanksgiving together! Life is too short. Hugs to you, Basil.