My 16 yo has been dating a girl for almost a year. It is his first serious gf. I know I can’t pick who he dates but man it’s hard as she has a hard life. She doesn’t have a drivers license and is living with a close friend as she doesn’t get along with her stepdad. They are just setting to go on more dates as he has his license.
I’m thinking I need to meet her even though I don’t want him to date anyone.
Yes I have been on this board 16 years.
Any good advice for me?
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Thread: Help my kid is dating
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10-25-2020 #1
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Help my kid is dating
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10-25-2020 #2
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I'm really surprised that after a year you haven't had an occasion to meet her. Dh was 16 when we started dating and we'd both had different significant others before that too. Ds1 has had some girlfriends too but nothing as serious as I or dh did when we were his age. Invite her over, have dinner, be casual and let her know she is welcome since she is a big part of your kiddo's life.
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10-25-2020 #3
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I would talk to your ds as much as possible about your concerns, about the risks of premarital sex, what constitutes date rape, how to talk to and be respectful of her feelings and what she might be going through- essentially, I’d talk about ALL OF IT. If there was anything you were holding back on before, talk about it now. And let HIM talk. He will hopefully tell you how he feels, his concerns, and even delve into things she has shared with him.
If there is ANY thought of premarital sex, if he’s even letting his mind go there, then it’s time to talk about condoms to protect himself and her. Remind him that there is a difference between love and lust. Love comes from respecting and caring about someone. Lust is selfish.
Good luck! I just had my final sex talk with my 15yo. I had a list of topics that I referred to from my talk with my eldest son. We talked for hours because he wanted me to elaborate on stuff which i did. I figure, if he’s curious he should hear it from me rather than friends or google.
eta- hooboy, just saw Snugglebuggles’s response. I might have jumped the gun since I just had that talk. Definitely start by asking him to bring her over! In fact, I’d encourage them to come over as often as they want so you can keep an eye on them.Last edited by gatorsmom; 10-25-2020 at 06:09 PM.
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10-25-2020 #4
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I agree, I would ask to meet her or invite her over for socially distant dinner or something. Pizza on the porch or mini golf?
I would also talk with your son about sex and about consent if you have not already.
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10-25-2020 #5
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🤣 I read your reply and was definitely surprised by the different approaches we took!!
Originally Posted by gatorsmom
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10-25-2020 #6
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Why don’t you want him to date anyone? It’s very normal for him to develop relationships. Yes, he’ll make mistakes and get hurt, but that is a part of maturing and learning how to be in a relationship. Trust him. Trust how you’ve raised him and the relationship you have with him. Originally Posted by ray7694
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10-25-2020 #7
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My DD is 17, has been dating the same boy (he's about 18 months older than her) since age 15. They have been dating for 3 years but we knew him from hockey and our families are now friends. But in the beginning, they spent a lot of time just hanging out at either houses with parents home. They both drive now and we are giving them more freedom, he's in college and she's a senior.
Given the situation, I'm sure she'd enjoy hanging out with him at your home. Let them watch movies, make cookies (mine love to do baking together). Try to give them space, get to know her slowly and maybe you will see why he likes her.
As you are near here you may be socializing more than folks on this board, around here kids are back in school and have been hanging out since the summer (usually in small groups).
I'm obviously not against kids dating, and DD and her boyfriend are best friends, but I but also have jobs, school, sports and other friends. It will be easier if you ca to get to know her.
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