Parental Controls - why is this so hard?

[theriviera]

If you saw my device safe post, you saw that I'm having so much trouble with my middle daughter and accessing everything on the internet during the school day. We are distance learning (no other choice). While she is on zoom she is mostly looking at you tube and Roblox related sites. She is using a school provided computer.

I bought Disney Circle but it completely chokes the internet on her device when any filters are enabled. My mesh router (Orbi wifi 6) does not have parental controls. We need the mesh router as our layout is funky and it's a big house with only one place to put the modem.

We are working on rewards and consequences but she is so stubborn and it's extremely hard to keep her motivated.

I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with this. Has anyone come up with a solution that actually works? I've spent hours researching this and I'm going in circles.

[twowhat?]

We just never used a software solution and now it's just too complicated with all the stuff they need to be able to access for schoolwork but we have strict rules in place about when and where. Distance learning has been hard because they work better in private spaces in their room so we allow the school devices in their rooms, along with their phone so they can text if they need help with something. The rules are no YouTube, etc during the school day. They're allowed to listen to music and that's it. And we get to check their devices for compliance whenever we want (we have passwords to all devices). We also have access to all of their schoolwork and grades so I check every now and then to make sure things are being completed, submitted, and grades not slipping.

Once the school day is over, all screen time must happen downstairs in a public area of the house. Devices are charged downstairs, no devices in their rooms after school.

This is a tough one - are you home during the day? If so and if it's possible, it might be worth making her do her schoolwork within view of you. That's a natural consequence of her not following the rules.

[twowhat?]

Ugh duplicate post!

[mmsmom]

Can you reach out to school IT department to see if they have any solutions? I agree with making her do school in a common area if someone is at home. Does your school have any policies in place regarding devices and/or remote learning? At our school students doing other things while school is going on would be a violation and subject to discipline by the school. Basically anything they couldn’t do if they were physically at school.

[PunkyBoo]

I'm in the same boat. I work full time at home and can see DS2 on YouTube or playing games. He has ADHD and his main issue is impulse control. I can't take away the school Chromebook, I'm working full time so I can't always tell him what to do/bust him, talking to him gets me a defensive temper tantrum that I don't have time for. I emailed the district technology department begging for help and have not heard back. I told his teacher and the principal about this during his 504 meeting last week, and the principal was appalled that the district hasn't responded to me and he promised to follow up. He will lie and tell me class is on a break, or zoom crashed and he's waiting to be let back in, etc. After class is over and he's supposed to be doing homework, he is playing around on that damn thing and tells me he's taking a break. His teacher keeps having to email me telling me he is missing work that he lied and told me he submitted and it must have been a software error. I would NEVER entrust this child at this age with his own device for this exact reason but I have no choice right now. So I get your frustration, I'm right there with you.

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[khm]

If you saw my device safe post, you saw that I'm having so much trouble with my middle daughter and accessing everything on the internet during the school day. We are distance learning (no other choice). While she is on zoom she is mostly looking at you tube and Roblox related sites. She is using a school provided computer.

I bought Disney Circle but it completely chokes the internet on her device when any filters are enabled. My mesh router (Orbi wifi 6) does not have parental controls. We need the mesh router as our layout is funky and it's a big house with only one place to put the modem.

We are working on rewards and consequences but she is so stubborn and it's extremely hard to keep her motivated.

I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with this. Has anyone come up with a solution that actually works? I've spent hours researching this and I'm going in circles.

Orbi is Netgear, correct? I've had a different Netgear in the past and it did have Parental Controls, you could just block certain websites, words-in-websites etc. A quick google of "Orbi block youtube" seems to say it is possible?

Sorry, I know its tough with certain kiddos! Hang in there!

[ang79]

We use Disney Circle but have not included their school devices on it as it messes with the settings the school currently has set on it. See if you can talk to the district IT people. Our district will not restrict youtube in general because some of the teachers use it for learning videos. But they have said if kids are accessing youtube channels that are inappropriate, let them know and they will try to block that specific channel (as well as other websites if needed).

[o_mom]

Orbi is Netgear, correct? I've had a different Netgear in the past and it did have Parental Controls, you could just block certain websites, words-in-websites etc. A quick google of "Orbi block youtube" seems to say it is possible?

Sorry, I know its tough with certain kiddos! Hang in there!

Orbi uses Disney Circle for parental controls. If the school uses a VPN, then Circle is useless.

There are theoretically additional controls that you can access directly on the router, but they are not easy to set up and we have never been able to make them work. They are not something that can be easily enabled or disabled and tend to be a very blunt tool (you can block YouTube for everyone or no one, not specific devices or at certain times).

[echoesofspring]

It's a constant struggle here, and overseeing the school day requires full on attention from the parent on duty between distractions (despite having things locked down) and just general increasing resistance as the year goes on. There's no way I can work and do it at the same, and very thankful I was able to go down to PT, major kudos to everyone who's working FT and trying to do this.

Circle works pretty good for us, but we couldn't use the default age profiles, and have had to design our own, I think they were blocking various 3rd party sites the school was using behind the scenes, schools VPN, etc. Our biggest problem with Circle atm is that sometimes videos get cached, and the school has the student profiles locked down so we can't delete the cache. I had a long talk with the head of IT for our district a couple of weeks ago, who unfortunately didn't have much to recommend. I don't envy him this year at all, I can't even imagine what his days are like.

[gatorsmom]

If you saw my device safe post, you saw that I'm having so much trouble with my middle daughter and accessing everything on the internet during the school day. We are distance learning (no other choice). While she is on zoom she is mostly looking at you tube and Roblox related sites. She is using a school provided computer.

I bought Disney Circle but it completely chokes the internet on her device when any filters are enabled. My mesh router (Orbi wifi 6) does not have parental controls. We need the mesh router as our layout is funky and it's a big house with only one place to put the modem.

We are working on rewards and consequences but she is so stubborn and it's extremely hard to keep her motivated.

I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with this. Has anyone come up with a solution that actually works? I've spent hours researching this and I'm going in circles.

I don't have any recommendations for computer controls, unfortunately. I went through a period of frantically researching controls and never found a really good, dependable solution. About the bolded comment, we have been struggling with this for years. I think it all comes down to this. The only thing I've found that works is taking away something they love. If you can't find something they love, then sometimes you can create a love for something. That's tricky, i know because the easy things that entice our kids are not always the things we want them pining for and starting a take away game with. It would be easy to entice my daughter with cookies and candy because she's loves sweets but I don't want to make getting sweets a goal. I don't want them to be a reward. My daughter also loves time to talk to friends. They aren't on social media much but spend time sending each other pet memes and funny pet videos. In pre-COVID days I might have dangled that as a carrot to earn for good behavior but with her virtual learning now, she needs that time with friends. Instead now, I threaten to keep her home (or off zoom) for her dance classes which are her true love. If she doestn't follow my rules, she's absent from dance (she hates this because she knows the dance school looks down on dancers who don't attend class regularly. Just more reason for her to follow my rules).

For DS3, I take the video games away completely for weeks at a time for bad behavior with siblings, for not keeping up his chores, and for not trying hard enough in school. He hates losing his video games so it works for him. Does your daughter love to play video games on the weekends or evenings? What does she do after class? Does she watch TV? If so, I'd let her know that she must stay off the computer games during the day if she wants to play them or watch TV after school. If she really is that stubborn, prepare to dig your heels in.

How are her grades? Are the teachers complaining about her not paying attention? Ive relaxed and let some of my kids doodle and read other books during some of their zoom classes because their grades are high and their teachers say they are doing well in class and on tests. Being on the computer all day for classes is HARD. Sometimes those little distractions can be a small break and be refreshing. If your daughter is doing well, getting homework done during free time and still has leftover time, maybe then playing Roblox would be ok as long as she can pull herself away from them to engage in class again?