Originally Posted by
theriviera
If you saw my device safe post, you saw that I'm having so much trouble with my middle daughter and accessing everything on the internet during the school day. We are distance learning (no other choice). While she is on zoom she is mostly looking at you tube and Roblox related sites. She is using a school provided computer.
I bought Disney Circle but it completely chokes the internet on her device when any filters are enabled. My mesh router (Orbi wifi 6) does not have parental controls. We need the mesh router as our layout is funky and it's a big house with only one place to put the modem.
We are working on rewards and consequences but she is so stubborn and it's extremely hard to keep her motivated.
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with this. Has anyone come up with a solution that actually works? I've spent hours researching this and I'm going in circles.
I don't have any recommendations for computer controls, unfortunately. I went through a period of frantically researching controls and never found a really good, dependable solution. About the bolded comment, we have been struggling with this for years. I think it all comes down to this. The only thing I've found that works is taking away something they love. If you can't find something they love, then sometimes you can create a love for something. That's tricky, i know because the easy things that entice our kids are not always the things we want them pining for and starting a take away game with. It would be easy to entice my daughter with cookies and candy because she's loves sweets but I don't want to make getting sweets a goal. I don't want them to be a reward. My daughter also loves time to talk to friends. They aren't on social media much but spend time sending each other pet memes and funny pet videos. In pre-COVID days I might have dangled that as a carrot to earn for good behavior but with her virtual learning now, she needs that time with friends. Instead now, I threaten to keep her home (or off zoom) for her dance classes which are her true love. If she doestn't follow my rules, she's absent from dance (she hates this because she knows the dance school looks down on dancers who don't attend class regularly. Just more reason for her to follow my rules).
For DS3, I take the video games away completely for weeks at a time for bad behavior with siblings, for not keeping up his chores, and for not trying hard enough in school. He hates losing his video games so it works for him. Does your daughter love to play video games on the weekends or evenings? What does she do after class? Does she watch TV? If so, I'd let her know that she must stay off the computer games during the day if she wants to play them or watch TV after school. If she really is that stubborn, prepare to dig your heels in.
How are her grades? Are the teachers complaining about her not paying attention? Ive relaxed and let some of my kids doodle and read other books during some of their zoom classes because their grades are high and their teachers say they are doing well in class and on tests. Being on the computer all day for classes is HARD. Sometimes those little distractions can be a small break and be refreshing. If your daughter is doing well, getting homework done during free time and still has leftover time, maybe then playing Roblox would be ok as long as she can pull herself away from them to engage in class again?
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.