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  1. #1
    AnnieW625's Avatar
    AnnieW625 is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default How do you get your kids motivated to do well in school?

    Dd2 is not motivated to do well in school. It is driving me bonkers as she is smart, but she just doesn’t care much about getting a good grade or applying her knowledge to her school work. She just wants to be done with school work as quickly as it is assigned and put the least amount of effort in to it, and doesn’t care that it is wrong. She is only in the 4th grade so I know it isn’t the end of the world, and dealing with distance learning isn’t ideal for her, but I just feel like there is nothing I can do to make her realize that school and grades are important. She was happy she only missed 4 of the 9 questions on her religion test this morning and getting her to study is worse than pulling teeth.

    She is on medication for ADHD (inattentive), and the last televisit we had with the new developmental pediatrician was less than effective so I don’t want to schedule another one until she can be seen in person.


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    Annie
    WOHM to two wonderful little girls born in April
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    DD L, 13,
    baby 2, 4-2009 (our Tri-18 baby)

  2. #2
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    Very good question. My two older kids are like this. One is diagnosed with ADHD, the other is not but I suspect she may have it as well. They both dislike school and do the minimum (for me, I know it’s different when they are at school - thanks, Covid!).

    I also have ADHD and while school was relatively easy for me, I didn’t LOVE it until college when I could focus on the subjects that fascinated me. It’s harder to incorporate passions into elementary education but still doable to a certain degree. I have also found that my kids’ interest level and enthusiasm for school is GREATLY affected by their teacher. If they connect with their teacher and their teacher is passionate about learning, that really ‘rubs off’ on my kids.

    I will be following this thread for ideas!

  3. #3
    petesgirl is online now Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I don't know, because my 4th grader is the same way! We haven't really found anything that works, other than saying his work has to.be done (to my standard) before any screentime. He also works better when his teacher offers rewards than when I do. It's extremely aggravating. I'm reading a book called 'The Self-Driven Child' about realizing that our kid's lives don't belong to us and allowing them to take ownership of their own decisions, even if it means some hard lessons for them. I'm really enjoying the authors's perspectives.
    I also find hope in adult friends and colleagues that tell me they basically flunked out of high school but later realized they needed a good education to do what they wanted to do in life and they were able to find success in college and life when it was something they really wanted, vs something they felt pushed into.

    Book link: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Driven-C...s%2C232&sr=8-1
    Last edited by petesgirl; 12-04-2020 at 02:57 PM.
    Mama to :
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  4. #4
    PunkyBoo is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Right there with you with my DS2. Also ADHD, but he is unmedicated. I'm completely dreading his starting junior high next year (his elementary is k-6). It was reasonably better when he was in person at school and there was some peer pressure to do well and not embarrass himself at school. He's hybrid this year, and he finds every loophole possible to get out of putting in any effort, and then he blames the technology for things not being submitted or completed. If I'm not standing over him, watching literally every keystroke, he will put in more effort to avoid doing things than he does to just get them done. It's been maddening. I've started to tell him that if he doesn't even try, they WILL keep him in 6th grade next year while everyone else moves into junior high.

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  5. #5
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default How do you get your kids motivated to do well in school?

    Consequences? Like no screen time or whatever will have an impact? It wouldn’t be my first line of action but it’d be in my arsenal. I’m a big believer in doing your best so I’ve been frustrated at times when my kids didn’t care as much. Ds2 still grumbles about not caring but I know he’s proud of his straight As.


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  6. #6
    WatchingThemGrow is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    That's a really good question! DD (14) was quizzing DS (13, ADD inattentive) last night about his motivation to "do better for the next 4 weeks" and whether he was intrinsically motivated or extrinsically motivated (to please mom.). He said definitely not motivated to do it himself, but when he got the praise of teachers for doing something well, it bumped up his ego a lot.

    Just curious about her meds...Do you think they're working? Has the dosage been adjusted as she's grown? Have you checked in with the teachers to see what they notice (even on the screen) and how that might be affecting performance? I'm working with a small group of kids in my playroom, and one of the girls is looking at everything BUT her screen. She's constantly drawing on the whiteboard instead of doing math, looking around the room, playing with stuff behind her rather than paying attention to the math lesson.

  7. #7
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnnieW625 View Post
    ...

    She is on medication for ADHD (inattentive), ...
    With ADHD it's not a lack of motivation; it's a lack of executive function. Medication helps with focus, but there are still external scaffolding skills to help support the executive function deficits that she's in need of.

    She needs more support than expecting her to have intrinsic motivation to get things done - she may not know where to start and is getting overwhelmed. She may struggle with knowing what "done" means because she can't picture it.

    During the summer months, because our school district was staring the year fully remote, I requested a lot of support enhancements to DD's 504 Plan to help her succeed and learn the skills she's going to need for middle school next year.

    For example, this is what was in her 504:

    ● Extended time on in-class assignments and tests as needed
    ● Breaking longer assignments up into smaller segments as needed
    ● Frequent breaks in small group settings (moot for 2020-2021 unless breakout Google Meet/Hangouts will be used by any teachers this year)
    ● Extended time for standardized testing (contingent upon NJSLA 2021 status)
    ● Repeat/Re-state verbal instructions
    ● Preferential seating
    ● Wobble cushion as needed
    ● Provide assessments, especially math tests/quizzes, in the morning
    ● Implement strategic procedures for homework take-home and return (needs amendment)
    ● Non verbal and verbal reminders to regain attention & focus to support task completion (needs amendment for virtual environment)

    This is what I asked to be ADDED:

    Social Skills Supports
    ● Active Listening/Reflective Response
    ● Google Meet Etiquette (a/k/a - yes, you still have to listen to others, stay on topic when you’re called on, and raise your hand)
    ● Reading Body Language (and/or tips on how to model/practice this at home)
    ● Maintaining and Respecting Personal Space (fairly moot while we’re in a pandemic, but it will become more necessary - I anticipate that others’ personal space bubbles will very likely expand well beyond “social distancing” and for a kid who has sensory-seeking behaviors, this will be extremely necessary to recognize)
    ● Learning How to Manage Her Reactions to Others’ Behavior (a/k/a - I can control MYSELF, but not OTHERS)
    ● Learning How to Express Her Feelings Appropriately (a/ka/ - it’s OK to feel upset, but it is not OK to throw/knock over papers or books/lash out/self-harm)
    ● Learning Appropriate and Assertive Ways to Communicate Her Needs In a Group
    ● Understanding Appropriate Conversational Tone and Volume

    Academic Supports
    Touch-typing
    Study Skills - In Class (following directions, understanding assignments, understanding that asking questions is OK)
    Study Skills - At Home (while moot for 2020-2021, this is using a homework planner, understanding due-dates, understanding that asking questions is OK, bringing home all assignments NEATLY and not crumpled in her backpack)
    Study Skills - Time Management and Organizational Skills (this includes being permitted to use timers or visual aids to understand the amount of time left for tasks, what comes next in a schedule, and how to collect/return homework - an existing identified support need - in a timely fashion; I would also add planning for long-term projects to the skills DD needs to develop as she heads into middle school)
    Test-Taking Strategies (DD has test and time/transition anxieties; she needs better test-taking strategies to allow her to focus on tasks at-hand)
    Managing Multiple Priorities (DD has difficulty prioritizing less-fun work, like ELA and Math, over brain breaks or Fine Arts projects; this disconnect creates another transition we have to overcome during the course of the school day, and having a basic plan in place for her to recognize when certain activities are appropriate would be helpful)
    Long-Term Planning Strategies (DD has difficulty communicating long-term projects - that they exist; what needs to be done to complete them; when they are due - and we have spent far too many days working on something that she had several weeks to complete ... the night before it’s due)

    NONE of this is "laziness" or lack of motivation; her brain just doesn't work this way for things she's not hyper-focused on, like video games or unicorns or American history or whatever she's "obsessing' over. I don't always know how to teach these things, so I asked for help from school. They're working with me to help DD so we can successfully get through this year.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  8. #8
    m4nash is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    I am honestly not sure, but in my experience this can really vary from child to child and even for a specific child from class to class. My oldest is in 9th grade, also has ADHD and struggles with motivation if he does not like his teacher. Virtual school has not been not great for building a close relationship with his teachers, so he can struggle with the motivation to get things done more this year. I'm not sure what the best answer is and we really don't have much we can take away since nothing is happening around here these days. We do encourage him to go to live virtual help sessions with his teachers to get to know them better, but often he feels weird about going if he doesn't have a specific question related to an assignment.

    My middle child is in 6th grade and really just does the bare minimum to get an A this year. He is like this with a lot of stuff though and I hope with age he is motivated to really do his best. I think for him, minimal effort has gotten good results, so he doesn't see the point in trying harder. I know he is motivated to get A's and playing time on the field, so I hope at some point he is challenged to really push himself. I think maybe there is some element of fear of failure. I know I was like this sometimes as a kid too and I don't really know what would have motivated me to really challenge myself and get over that fear of failing.

    My youngest is in 5th grade and has Dyslexia. She has always had to work harder than her peers to get the same results academically. She is also the smallest and one of the youngest in her grade, so she has to work harder in athletics to compete. She works her butt off at everything she does and never complains. She is also super creative. I sometimes wish my other kids were like this too, but they are not her and I don't think I've done anything special to make her like this. She is not afraid of failing or trying something over and over again before she gets it right.

  9. #9
    Kestrel is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    DS is older now, but what worked best were frequent "wiggle breaks" - get up and move, get a drink, use the bathroom, ect. Then, sit and focus. 15 minutes up, 30 minutes school.

    I don't know if this will work for you, as we didn't have to work with ADD/ADHD, but I make DS redo every single wrong answer. Every one, every time. Doesn't matter if he can get credit for redoing the work or not. He's quickly learned that it's easier to put real effort in than have to do it over. Redo math problems, look up history questions. Things that don't have a "right" or "wrong" answer, like writing assignments, must be read by a parent before being turned in. After two years of this (4 and 5th grade) he now (6th) spends less than 1 hour a week redoing work. It's tough, but I'd rather have him learn the focus and study skills now than struggle later, when it counts. And bottom line - it worked for us.

    You said she doesn't care if it's right or wrong, just that it's done. Somehow, you have to get to it's not done, unless it's correct.

  10. #10
    niccig is online now Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default How do you get your kids motivated to do well in school?

    No ADHD here but DS has never been motivated with school work or grades. Get it done and go do something else. A little more effort would bump his grades up as often he got a 79 or an 89 in a class. Seriously drove DH and I nuts, as that’s not how we were at school. We worked with a behavior specialist when he was first diagnosed with his pain condition, and she told us the motivation has to come from them. Some kids it takes a while and for some it may not be until they’re out of school. We could pressure him to do better, but the cost would be our relationship with him. We saw that happen with close friends whose older son had similar attitude to DS. Making DS care more would’ve been a huge battle, increased stress and increased the pain flares.

    The last 2 years we’ve backed off, I did continue to help with scheduling as he had trouble with that, but the quality of the work was up to him. We had a year when he was frequently absent due to pain flares, so our goals for freshman year was for him to attend school, then the sophomore year goal was to attend school and submit work on time. This year he started to care more, he’s had no late work, and is talking about his grades and college. I do nothing unless he asks for help.He’s a sophomore, it may be too late and his gpa may not be high enough for the college he says he wants. That’s a lesson there that he has to learn. He will still go to college and will graduate and get a job etc. It’s been difficult for DH and I to let it go. DS is not us, and we can’t make him be motivated. He is though starting to show it himself

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    Last edited by niccig; 12-04-2020 at 03:42 PM.

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