6th Grade is kicking my butt (long)

[PunkyBoo]

Back in the spring, I had to monitor DS’s schoolwork. I had him sit with me each day after class and made a list of what was due. Then I checked a couple hours before he went to bed if the work was submitted, so there was time to still do it. He had to show me the google classroom for each subject to show it was submitted. There’s a view in google classroom where you can see a list of assignments for the class, and it’s a different color icon if not submitted. There were some subjects where he had to show me before he submitted to make sure it was complete, as he would do only part work. It was a lot of work on my part to supervise.

This school year I haven’t had to do any of this. He’s managing it all himself. Why the difference? He has matured these last 6 months in many areas. I also think the shock of school closing and the inconsistency of the class zooms were part of the issue. He’s now in regular zooms so he’s keeping up. Quality of the work could be better, but it’s getting completed and submitted.

You may find you need to schedule regular times to check in on what he’s doing. We set this up with a behavior specialist we worked with when he first got a medical diagnosis that caused frequent absences and medication caused memory issues. The specialist had me put multiple alarms in my phone so I wouldn’t forget. The afternoon check was for what homework was due and DS had to make plan for what to do first, 2nd etc. Then the mid evening check was to see what was done/submitted and what wasn’t done yet. I also had a check Friday afternoon for the weekend, and mid-Sunday check into see if completed work. Once DS was in a routine with homework, the checks were quicker as he was doing more


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There are several different systems they are using, 2 of which can't be accessed outside of the school- issued accounts. I literally have to see everything as he does it or it doesn't get done. Otherwise he'll show me on one thing, " look all my work was submitted mom" and once it's submitted I can't see that the assignment itself was only part done or submitted blank. If she "reassigns" it to him so he can finish or correct it, it cubes back blank/brand new and any previous progress is lost.

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[hillview]

All I can say is right there with you in 7th grade. My sister is there too in 9th grade. It SUCKS. I am sorry, It is a major stressor and issue for the entire family. We are trying a zoom based tutor at the suggestion of his therapist. He failed PE last trimester (the kid who is the most sporty kid). Sorry to whine with you!

[infocrazy]

All I can say is right there with you in 7th grade. My sister is there too in 9th grade. It SUCKS. I am sorry, It is a major stressor and issue for the entire family. We are trying a zoom based tutor at the suggestion of his therapist. He failed PE last trimester (the kid who is the most sporty kid). Sorry to whine with you!

8th grade here...down to the travel sport kid failing virtual gym...

[dogmom]

Have you tried sitting down and talking to him? Not about why he isn’t doing his work, or lying about submitting it, but just how he feels about this year? The problem with these kinds of challenging kids is clamping down on them tends not to be helpful. Their anxiety is so bad (I can’t pay attention, there is something wrong with me because other kids can, Mom will be mad, I’m stupid) that they will do anything for a short term avoidance solution even if it would be easier just to do the work in the long run. They can’t think straight because of the anxiety and can’t see that far ahead. Once you get a gauge of how he’s feeling try to work with him on how to address those issues. He’s probably reaching for self soothing things (distractions) that were working OK for normal stress, but not pandemic stress. Get him outside or exercise. Have him make dinner with you in the last period. Bake some bread in the morning. I don’t know, just stuff. Reach out to the counselor and teaches and just be: This is not doable right now. My husband is dealing with asking parents, I can only do so much. What does my kid need to do to get the basics so he doesn’t fall too far behind. Not too far behind on the endless list of assignments, but what he actually needs to know, then tackle that. Also, humor can help. “Well kid, is got to hand it to you, your ability to find work around as might bode well for a future career in business. Have you considered a tech start up career?” It will get better.

[bisous]

Have you tried sitting down and talking to him? Not about why he isn’t doing his work, or lying about submitting it, but just how he feels about this year? The problem with these kinds of challenging kids is clamping down on them tends not to be helpful. Their anxiety is so bad (I can’t pay attention, there is something wrong with me because other kids can, Mom will be mad, I’m stupid) that they will do anything for a short term avoidance solution even if it would be easier just to do the work in the long run. They can’t think straight because of the anxiety and can’t see that far ahead. Once you get a gauge of how he’s feeling try to work with him on how to address those issues. He’s probably reaching for self soothing things (distractions) that were working OK for normal stress, but not pandemic stress. Get him outside or exercise. Have him make dinner with you in the last period. Bake some bread in the morning. I don’t know, just stuff. Reach out to the counselor and teaches and just be: This is not doable right now. My husband is dealing with asking parents, I can only do so much. What does my kid need to do to get the basics so he doesn’t fall too far behind. Not too far behind on the endless list of assignments, but what he actually needs to know, then tackle that. Also, humor can help. “Well kid, is got to hand it to you, your ability to find work around as might bode well for a future career in business. Have you considered a tech start up career?” It will get better.

This is the tactic I would take. Every last bit of it. This is such a hard time for so many. I feel like spending so much time and energy to fulfill the silly requirements of arbitrary lessons is not time well spent. Maybe I part company with many of you. Normally in 6th grade I think it is important to start "getting serious" about school work. But I don't feel like this is a good time to prioritize this lesson.

I would focus on what is really and truly needed for his school work and his mental health. Also, for the health of your FAMILY and your needs too. I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to his psychologist or whomever diagnosed him with ADHD. I think kids with ADHD, who had figured out a "groove" to deal with the pressures of school pre-pandemic, are struggling disproportionately with the "new normal". They need new coping techniques. Maybe meds right now would work, maybe not. Maybe there is some anxiety there probably exacerbated by the pressure of trying to do school work in this new way and failing because it is so much easier to be distracted.

Hopefully you can get the school to work with you. They MIGHT have a great solution. OR they could be part of the problem. I'd assume that they can be a source of help first and implore them to get some more help. You have had some prior conversations so there is background there. It is time to bring up the fact that things have gotten worse.

If you can get improved accommodations from the school, I personally would change tactics and, as dogmom suggests, figure out how to make sure that his learning is progressing, even if he is not fulfilling every single assignment for class. This changes the focus and probably takes a lot less time. The school probably won't like this. But you must do what is best for him!

[niccig]

There are several different systems they are using, 2 of which can't be accessed outside of the school- issued accounts. I literally have to see everything as he does it or it doesn't get done. Otherwise he'll show me on one thing, " look all my work was submitted mom" and once it's submitted I can't see that the assignment itself was only part done or submitted blank. If she "reassigns" it to him so he can finish or correct it, it cubes back blank/brand new and any previous progress is lost.

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All that doesn’t help!! Is there a way to see what is due? One silver lining for distance learning is everything is in google classroom. With in person school, you wouldn’t always know what was due child is told at school and DS didn’t always write it down

Can you ask teacher if it’s listed anyway ahead of time so you can see what’s due?


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[WatchingThemGrow]

In the same boat with MY 7th grader! Meds help but on the days we forget to set them out, he turns in everything blank.

Definitely have powerschool (for grades) and Google classroom and gmail apps logged in on my phone for easy access! But yeah, we are uncovering about 10 assignments he skipped out on the week before thanksgiving...when he was rushing to get electronic time!

Commiseration, sisters!

ETA: not sure how my ADD 6th grader is not doing the same...his teachers must be doing something different!

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[mmsmom]

I think you have to determine if this is an ADHD issue or a discipline issue? Both can be addressed but you have to figure out the root cause first.

[trentsmom]

This is happening in our house, too. Sixth grade, ADHD, swearing up and down that all assignments are complete and turned in. We just had a meeting to update his IEP, and we've had other meetings to figure out ways to help him. Thankfully he's good at advocating for himself in the classroom and will request to be put in a breakout room to do his in-class work. I've even had issues with neurotypical DS1. Found out he hadn't done any work for his art class for the last month. I sat beside him for hours and hours this past week to get and keep him on task. Neither of us liked it, but I told him to knock off the snark since he's the one who put himself in this mess.